Episode 82 - The Masculine Blueprint: Building Stronger Relationships with GS Youngblood

Summary:

In this episode of the Maxed Out Man podcast, Kevin Davis speaks with GS Youngblood, author and men’s coach, about modern masculinity, leadership, and creating deeper connections in relationships. GS shares insights from his Masculine Blueprint framework, explaining how men can become grounded, provide structure, and build emotional safety in their relationships. The conversation touches on the dynamics of masculine and feminine energy, how men can lead without dominating, and the importance of attunement to their partners. This episode is essential listening for men looking to strengthen their relationships and better understand their masculine role.

Key Takeaways:

1. Respond, Don’t React: Grounded leadership means creating space to choose how to respond rather than reacting emotionally or defensively.
2. Provide Structure: Leadership is about clarity and attunement—understanding both your needs and your partner’s, then creating direction or structure that benefits both.
3. Embody Masculinity: Masculine energy is about being present, attuned, and grounded in the moment, offering stability and emotional safety to your partner.
4. Build Emotional Safety: Women need to feel seen, heard, and understood, which can be achieved by making space for their emotions and deepening emotional connection.
5. No Conversations Needed: Start with working on yourself and leading by example—don’t ask for permission or talk about leadership, just embody it.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to GS Youngblood and His Work
01:48 GS Youngblood's Journey and Backstory
05:50 Understanding Modern Masculinity
12:49 The Masculine Blueprint Explained
20:55 The Importance of Embodiment
30:16 Building Emotional Connection and Safety
41:19 GS Youngblood's Relationship Repair Bootcamp

Find GS: www.gsyoungblood.com

To learn more about Maxed Out Man and to maximize your potential, visit www.maxedoutman.com or connect with us on Social Media:

Facebook
Instagram
TikTok

Transcript

0:00
for guys that say Hey how do I start this that's my answer get more grounded start to get your Clarity and Lead offer
0:07
your leadership more and then build connection and emotional safety for
0:12
her welcome to maxed out man helping you become the man you were made to
0:20
be hey guys this is Kevin Davis from the max down man podcast today I'm going to be here with GS Youngblood. love that
0:26
name by the way that's like a very um like old west there you gope you like Sheriff of some
0:32
small town in an old western but right uh yeah before I get started we're going to talk about GS and his approach to
0:38
coaching and courses and masculinity and and all that today but I and one of the cool things about this space is that we
0:45
all have different kind of methodologies approaches personalities um and so if you guys are
0:50
wanting to check him out go to gsy youngblood.com I would also encourage you to check out maxedoutman.com I do coaching
0:57
as well courses uh and we've got all sorts of different things going so there are a lot of resources out there to help
1:03
you so hope you guys will enjoy this episode GS shows men how to repair their relationships by living from their
1:10
masculine core he is the author of the masculine in relationship and the Art of
1:15
embodiment for men combined 50,000 copies sold nice job on that um and he's
1:20
a highly sought after men's coach he teaches the masculine blueprint which is his model of modern masculinity that
1:28
fits in our modern world without being watered down he also runs his Flagship relationship repair boot camp program to
1:34
help men go deeper into the principles of the books and as I said go to GSyoungblood.com for more information uh
1:41
GS thank you man for coming I appreciate it and uh I know we had a little bit of a difficulty kind of getting things
1:47
scheduled so I appreciate your patience on that I'm just about well so if you hear a little gravel in my voice that's
GS Youngblood's Journey and Backstory
1:54
that's kind of what's still going on but um yeah so I appreciate you coming um
2:00
talk to me about your backstory that's one of the things I love getting on here to kind of set the stage for who we're
2:06
talking to how you got here what your path is you're you look to be a little bit younger than me but not by much and
2:12
so we're kind of in that that age range where we've we've had a few years to do a lot of different
2:20
things and up a lot of different things absolutely yeah yeah you know I I'm sure that that
2:28
a lot of people share this trait who were in this coaching realm or or growth path realm that you we've had some
2:35
tragedy or you know relational catastrophy and so for me it was it was a divorce uh about 15 years ago and by
2:43
the end of that marriage I'd allowed myself to become relatively emasculated it was really just trying to keep the
2:48
peace and little did I know at the time that that was really actually making it worse it was part of the problem because
2:55
of the the tendency to be a pleaser that a lot of guys fall into well I fell into that that too back then because I was
3:02
married to a very strong woman and I didn't know how to be with a strong woman so from that uh phase of my life
3:09
which uh was a hard one um provided the fuel for me to go on on what's now been
3:16
a 16 plus year Journey um into these dynamics of masculine feminine and and
3:24
uh and the polarity that results from them in relationship and and you know I've been on two tracks one is is a lot
3:30
of studying with a lot of well-known teachers and and really on my own growth path in a learning phase but also in in
3:37
an applied face because I've been in a long-term relationship with a woman who's got a really strong feminine and a
3:42
really strong masculine at the same time so if I'm not feeling that vacuum in the masculine pole which is what I would
3:48
choose to um then she's quite capable of doing that so you know it's it's when
3:54
you're in long-term relationship you you have the opportunity to see what creates more connection and more solidity uh and
4:01
more satisfaction for both people and what doesn't and so it's been both of those tracks I've been able to to grow
4:08
myself and then as that morphed into me observing what I would consider to be
4:13
sort of common Universal principles of relationship and polarity in relationship I was able to coales that
4:19
into the the books that I've written and all the other things that I that I put out in the world um so yeah Kevin you
4:25
know failure was my fuel uh along this along this L you know 16year Journey
4:30
that I've been on so far nice yeah I mean all of us have those kind of stories right throughout throughout our
4:36
lives and and you know if uh hopefully we do what you're doing which is you pivoted you learn and continue to grow
4:43
and learn along the way I have so many questions I want to start you know just and like I said before we get started
4:50
like these are a lot of times for my own edification and I'm glad people people listen along I've told this story on the
4:56
podcast before but just in in context of what we're talking about my wife went
5:01
from a stay-at-home mom Homemaker to um welder off-road racer carb Builder all
5:08
of these things right so and as part of that we had the opportunity to be a part of all female trades women activities
5:18
right so these are like the the the badass females that are in a male
5:24
dominated field okay and I'm setting up this for this question but most of the
5:30
time these women are like they almost put on this um bravado this fake
5:36
masculine energy um but at their core ma Michelle and I we we had an opportunity
5:43
to do this together and so they saw us as this married couple and they saw our
5:48
Dynamic and more than one of them had said yeah I'm this kind of badass woman
Understanding Modern Masculinity
5:53
but I would love to be taken care of the way that the way that or treated the way
5:58
that Kevin treats you yeah is is that kind of the dynamic that you see now and
6:04
and really I feel like that we're in this very confused what the hell even is masculinity stage yeah yeah oh man I've
6:12
got a lot of things to say about that I I I remember my ex um she once said to
6:17
me she's like I can do all these things and meaning all this that I was abdicating to her because I was off
6:23
working thinking that that's all I needed to do in a relationship but she's like I can do all the things I just
6:28
don't want to have to the time and that was that was I didn't quite get the profundity of it then but certainly now
6:33
it strikes me like yeah I think men who are with very capable women they see them they like well she's a big girl she
6:40
can handle all this stuff and you just you just sort of let her take the lead on a lot of things and little do you
6:46
realize that she she can do that but she doesn't want to have to do that all the time and I think that's a little bit
6:51
what you're referring to and you know I I want to say right out of the gate there's no shoulds here it's like
6:57
there's not like a woman should be doing is or a feminine being should be it's what you choose so really what are we
7:03
talking about we're talking about kind of a context of a man who wants to be his masculine who's with a woman who who
7:09
Who's open to surrendering into her feminine and into his lead um and then anybody beyond that can adapt what we're
7:15
talking about to their to their own unique situation but
7:21
yeah how nice how nice for the for for
7:26
uh the women in our world for for us to just step and be like baby I got this just get on my ride I got this and she
7:32
can go okay okay I'll follow you and it is it is absolutely a real relief and
7:39
you know for guys who like they're constantly kind of banging heads with their woman it's probably because she's
7:45
still in her masculine energy a lot and you've done nothing to to convince her or persuade her or encourage her to
7:51
surrender into your competent lead either because you're not leading or your lead isn't very good I mean there's
7:57
a lot of incompetent ways to lead so one of the things that David D always
8:03
said and it's always struck me is that your masculine leadership is a gift to her it's not your Birthright it's not
8:10
what you should be doing it's what the gift that you choose to give so that she can just relax back into her feminine
8:16
nature which is what you want because that's when when she's in her feminine that's when all the the
8:22
playful um delightful uh lighter parts of her are
8:28
allowed to come out when she can Rel Rel when she's thinking you know when she's having to take care of everything she's
8:33
not relaxing back into that you're not getting that that version of her that was like when you just met um which we
8:39
you know we all look back with fond memories of um so your leadership is a
8:44
gift I think that's probably the the way that I'll tie that all together your leadership is a gift to her so men ask yourselves in what ways am I gifting my
8:51
leadership from a day-to-day basis in what ways are you doing that how does that Dynamic look I mean I I I alluded
8:58
it to a little a little bit in my question but it's I feel like we're in a place right now where women don't really
9:07
know how to be women or if it's okay to be a traditional you know what do they
9:13
call it now Trad wives or something like that on on Tik Tok right yeah and so and
9:18
then men also don't really know how to be men and if it's okay to be a
9:25
traditional man like I I would consider myself the traditional you know kind of conservative old school
9:33
that kind of thing with you know a very healthy dose of of servant leadership
9:40
understanding my feminine energy all those things not saying I'm perfect by any means but I don't I I seem to be
9:46
more more moderate but I I feel like what we see now is like hey I want to be a strong leader in my family and for my
9:54
wife but she doesn't know how to be how to be led I don't really know how to lead in a way that supports her
10:01
strengths you know how do how does that work and do you agree with that is that kind of what you're
10:07
saying okay that was a big question yeah huge right there's a lot to that um gosh
10:13
I don't even know where even to start with that I want to say something about this notion of tradwife because I've
10:18
heard that phrase too yeah and I'll just give my opinion everybody else got their opinion too I'm sure there's no again I
10:26
guess I said this before there's no shoulds when when at least when I if I use the phrase Trad wife which I don't
10:31
really but if I did um it's not there's nothing in there that says somebody's supposed to be a
10:37
certain way it's somebody that chooses to be that I mean there was that whole uh controversy with the kicker
10:43
from the Chiefs and and the things he was saying in that speech um I didn't listen to the speech but what I what I
10:48
hoped he said was like if that's what you choose then that's beautiful family structure and no one's telling you that
10:55
you have to do that or forced to do that and I think that's the orientation I take is like we're talking about people that choose
11:01
to be in certain roles not that they're supposed to be in those certain roles what I would say for a man who wants to
11:06
lead more and he finds that it's his wife's not really kind of playing along or is open his leadership it's because
11:12
your it's because your lead's not good enough and it hasn't been you've trained her that you're not going to step up competently you've trained her that she
11:19
can't trust you it's on you it's not about her and her being recalcitrant now it there might be some
11:26
resistance over there but man just before you thr you know it's like glass houses before you start complaining
11:32
about how somebody else is being take care of your own house first and what that means here is you got to learn how
11:38
to lead more competently if you want to lead you got to lead competently and and then over time she'll trust you the
11:45
feminine is we all know this the feminine is more vul you know vulnerable in the world I don't mean emotionally
11:51
vulnerable I mean sort of physically vulnerable we all know that so she's
11:56
going to trust slower than a man might trust somebody so you got to earn it over time so if if
12:02
if you're not leading the way you want you feel like she's not open to it then you you've got to look at your lead and
12:07
how can you um be a better leader be a more attuned leader when we talk about
12:12
leadership we don't mean domineering or it's my way or the highway like like all of our dads were back in the day you
12:19
know like that's not really GNA fly as much these dayses what we're talking
12:24
about is you as a man having inner clarity about what the moment calls for what is it that I need and what are my
12:31
boundaries and what are my preferences also I'm attuned enough to my woman that I know what she needs I know her needs I
12:37
know her boundaries I know her preferences so I can roll that into my leadership so that when I say baby I
12:42
think this is what we ought to do she's like most cases be like okay that works
12:47
for me you've taken into account what I want so that notion of Attunement is a huge part of leadership that if you're
The Masculine Blueprint Explained
12:53
not attuned to your constituent so to speak you're not going to be a very good leader you're going to be a domineering
13:00
so anyway that those are some of the thoughts that that come up around like men who are wondering how they can lead
13:07
more and be more of a leader in their relationship yeah and I like what you said about and I can't remember then and I just saw that that kicker speech
13:14
briefly but I like what you said about that in that and this is what's so crazy
13:19
about what's going on in our world right now and this isn't a political statement is like dud it should be okay for him to
13:25
say that that's okay right the fact that he points out that if someone chooses a particular path as a woman or as a man
13:34
and he's just completely destroyed just makes you know it's it's a sad place and I like the way that I'm just pointing
13:40
out that I like the way that you said that um what did those and I think you know I think we're that creates this
13:47
kind of dichotomy of like can I be a strong leader am I not a strong leader and how that works and how my wife or
13:54
you know woman might be um receptive to that what is that kind of leadership
14:00
look like like what if you said okay if you're going to coach some a man to say okay this is this is what I see from
14:06
your your challenges as a leader and this is what I would I think you ought to model what does that model look like
14:14
yeah I'm gonna you you talked about leadership I'm just going to expand that out kind of into the holistic masculine
14:19
that's how yeah for sure and my answer to that question really is the masculine blueprint which you know from the book
14:25
it's the for the listeners who haven't read the book it's the framework that I offer and I'll tell you where that came from I
14:32
wanted to I mean obviously there's all this raging in in pop culture and Society like what is masculinity and so
14:39
many people are associating masculinity with toxic masculinity and thinking that's that's the only form of masculinity which is absurd of course
14:46
yeah um and so I I I was like what what is the essence when we talk about
14:52
masculinity everybody has their own definition what it is we're not actually talking about the same thing all the
14:58
time what is the essence of it that any man can embody not just the purview of
15:03
the guy that's 6'2 and it's got a square jaw and he's kind of domineering in his personality naturally what about the guy
15:10
that's like 5 foot five and he's a good man and he's got some strength to him but he you know he's also not an
15:16
imposing F I wanted everybody to participate so that's what the blueprint was it's like this is my offering of
15:22
what I think modern masculine is and in my opinion it doesn't water down it's not it's not about being kind of
15:27
lukewarm of a leader in watering the leadership down but it's about getting to the essence of what of
15:34
what uh a masculine being looks like in the world and you know maybe we should
15:40
jump into that Kevin absolutely go ahead so what we're talking about is like what's what's the definition of a modern
15:47
masculine and so um the masculine blueprint has three elements and the
15:53
first is respond versus react and in other words what we're talking about is that quality of getting grounded so this
15:58
is a guy that's got a very grounded and settled nervous system and you know in
16:03
contrast to somebody who's who's instantly defensive any time anybody challenges what he says or his
16:09
self-image of himself or has some complaint um this man you know with that
16:14
grounded nervous system he can kind of rest in a little bit of Stillness and spaciousness so that within that
16:21
spaciousness he can actually choose how he's going to be from moment to moment rather than kind of what a lot of us do
16:27
when we get triggered is we we we operate out of our habituation out of our wounding out of our script and that
16:33
thing that we always say and this have that same fight that we always have um this is in contrast to that a man who's
16:40
actually he's taking in the world and then has the space to choose moment to moment how he's going to be and that's
16:46
you can that's a real you have a real felt sense of somebody who who embodies this quality getting grounded in this
16:53
context is really the foundation of of all masculinity because you need to be choiceful life's going to throw all
16:59
kinds of things at you and so you need to be very choiceful in how you're going to react so that's the first element of the blueprint which is uh respond versus
17:07
react it's almost like instead of having a trigger you have a long fuse right because a trigger is instant you know
17:14
and having so you know the because the fuse I was just in my mind I'm trying to kind of put an analogy together and it
17:20
seems like having that fuse gives you time to think through it make the right choices versus just pulling the trigger
17:25
and exact like we all do right it's like that that pretty famous quotee from Victor Franco which I did cite in the
17:31
book you know in the space between stimulus and response is what he talks about so we want to open up that gap
17:38
between stimulus and response um it's a beautiful thing when you see somebody who's like that because you feel
17:44
Everything feels more real more trustable when somebody's pausing and considering so I I work with men a lot I
17:52
do a lot of it we come through the path of the physical and and through doing a lot of embodiment work and I'm
17:58
constantly talking about embodiment um my workshops are almost you know not almost all but but a big part of the
18:05
workshops I give we're doing we're actually doing embodiment work so that we can we can attack these things down
18:11
at the nervous system level rather than up here because anything you learn cognitively kind of flies out the window
18:17
when you get all triggered and when she's all fired up and you're you're having a fight or or or whatever can you
18:22
explain embodiment just that what that process looks like cuz it's not you know I'm familiar with the concept but not
18:27
everybody might may be yeah short short short version is most of the time you go
18:33
through the world and your your awareness rests in your thinking mind and your thoughts and your
18:39
projections and your madeup and your stories that you make up to kind of understand the world around you and the
18:44
weird behavior of people around you um so we you live in a thought created world and that thought you know thoughts
18:50
are only about the future or about the past so not only are you in a thought created world but you're not even like
18:56
here right now you're sort of anticip the future or remembering or ruminating on something that already
19:02
happened um so what we want to do with embodiment is we want to going to give you practices that help you take some of
19:09
that awareness not all of it but just some portion of that awareness and rest in the physicality of your body some
19:15
phys identified physical sensation when you do that what you're
19:21
going to find is because the the sensation in your body only happens in the Now it only it's experienced
19:29
so when you have some Awareness on that it actually pulls you into the now and kind of pushes out the pushes away the
19:35
thoughts and that thought world that's around you and so basically what that means is you're going to be a little
19:41
less triggered or a lot less triggered you're going to be you know fair amount more present here with now with what's
19:48
actually happening because think about it think about the last huge fight you had with your woman like the real like just blowout fight like it's your
19:55
nervous system might as well be getting attacked by a tiger you know you're in that much of a state of of heightened
20:01
awareness um but that's not real you're not in any real threat if you were a fly on the wall watching this fight you'd be
20:07
like why is that guy so jacked up because there's no threat I mean yeah his woman's upset but she's not
20:13
attacking him right but the nervous system kind of doesn't know the difference between Mortal danger and
20:18
emotional danger and so we get confused so so when you're more here now with
20:23
what's actually happening you realize that you know the threat is not as big you re you you're you're aware that your
20:30
baby is hurting rather than kind of projecting on her that she's an intractable monster that must be gotten
20:35
away from um so embodiment does all these things to you and and you know as
20:41
evidence I just put up my own experience you know over the last 10 years when I've probably more than 10 but really
20:48
have thrown myself deeply into my embodiment practice I've changed my nervous systems change my clients are
20:54
consistently telling me the ones that have a regular practice that that we you know I teach them consistently telling
The Importance of Embodiment
21:00
me that it's making them calmer less reactive more present um it's powerful work it's just not an easy fix it takes
21:07
time and a lot of practice just like training for a marathon would be right right yeah and so you went through the
21:13
went through the first one and then the second aspect of it yeah so once you get grounded now you can step into the
21:20
leadership aspect so the second element of the blueprint is provide structure and so this is the quality of a man that
21:26
that first and foremost has inner Clarity like inside himself he knows what he needs I think I said this before
21:33
what he wants and needs what his boundaries are what works what doesn't and he's also attuned to those who are
21:39
important to him you know it's not just about what he wants that's that's being a narcissist we don't want to do that but
21:46
you're attuned to those you love so you know your woman you know Attunement really is I say this a lot that
21:51
Attunement is the difference between you know domineering and you know uh
21:56
benevolent leader in the relation ship um and and so I'm teaching men to really
22:03
be attuned to their woman to know her well not only over the long Arc but also In This Moment who is she in this moment
22:09
because the feminine changes so rapidly and um and then from that Clarity then
22:15
expressed as structure how we're going to do things or Direction what we're going to do um and I say this over and
22:22
over it's it's not about you you're not in you're not it's not about control
22:28
it doesn't even matter if you make the decision it's you have to be the guy that makes sure a decision gets made whether you make it or you frame it so
22:35
that she can step in and and maybe it's her decision to make but you're going to frame it and make sure there's forward
22:40
movement rather than just letting these things stay open loop forever uh with with you know the resultant impact on
22:46
your life um that's that's a leader right there I think that's the modern
22:51
definition of a leader is he's really harnessing what what the collective good is and then bringing forth what he
22:57
thinks is the right direction or structure um sometime that's been inclusive benevolent sometimes it's like
23:04
we're doing this and it's there it's your wisdom that tells you where to be if you come in too heavy-handed on
23:09
something that's not quite right for that that that uh Fierce Clarity then
23:16
you're going to fail if you come in a little watery and and too Democratic on something that needs your your your your
23:23
you're cutting Clarity then you're going to fail so it's the wisdom to know where to be on that Spectrum of inclusiveness
23:29
versus directiveness um that's super super important in this realm yeah I don't remember what the quote is but
23:36
specifically but Reagan is famous for a quote of saying when I when I need to make a decision I don't ask a bunch of
23:43
people's opinions I make the decision it's it's that's kind of the essence of it um I I I have a question and followup
23:50
to that in terms of like how I kind of see things and and whether or not this is the right approach the wrong approach
23:57
I know you said there's no shs right but I typically work my life around ensuring
24:05
that um I provide the best leadership and care for my wife right like my and
24:12
not almost never is it in a a hugely self-sacrificial way or a weak way but
24:18
like my main objective is to make sure she's happy or or not happy but content
24:24
and taken care of and and those kind of things right yeah safe like is that the right approach or because I know in some
24:32
ways like you were saying you you can if you don't approach that in the right energy you can emasculate yourself
24:39
really yeah yeah it it's the it's not the what you do it's the
24:46
energy behind what you do so if you're you know you know you're kind of breathless metaphorically speaking right
24:52
right what do I do but your motivation is really to avoid her displeasure
24:59
that's emasculating that's nice guy pleaser if your motivation is not to
25:05
avoid displeasure but to create satisfaction in her life and create ease
25:11
and and pleasure for her then that's totally different you might it might be the same act like getting her flowers
25:17
like if it comes out of like oh I'm in trouble I got to you know do something she's going to feel that the way that
25:23
you hander the flowers and the energy that you have because when you're in the in the needies phase you're going to be
25:29
riveted on her looking for signs of pleasure or displeasure with you as you hander those flowers when you're in that
25:37
and she'll feel that women are are quite good at that whereas if you're like I know my
25:43
baby loves flowers and and you know I don't even have a it's not even her birthday I just you know I haven't bought them for her in a while she
25:49
bought her my woman some flowers the other day kind of was for no reason other than I hadn't bought her flowers in a while and that when you hand them
25:56
to her she's just going to feel the energy you're not you're not waiting for some
26:01
sign so that's just this is just an example but it's the energy with which you do things so yeah for you to say you
26:08
know what when I come to the end of my days I want to I want people to judge me did I
26:13
take care of my wife you She gonna look at me and go God you gave me such a beautiful life if that's your motivation
26:20
that's beautiful yeah and then also for me what what I have had to learn over time
26:25
because she was like stay-at-home mom she grew up with a pretty domineering dad in terms of like not domineering but
26:32
just very like on the other side of cadum for traditional like if she was
26:38
ever sad or upset or you know had any kind of problems oh it's because you're a girl right like like basically weapon
26:45
weaponized her emotions and also treated her like girls are dumb right like girls
26:51
are incapable yeah and so she defaulted to that kind of mentality a little bit
26:57
throughout our relationship ship so the example I get we give is like if I saw my wife walking across the the you know
27:04
the house with a hammer like I'm going to be like where are you going with that and what are you doing right like that
27:10
was and so I had to transition to be like well she must have a good reason for doing that yeah and she'll tell me
27:17
if she needs help right and that and that like we we literally took apart her Jeep and put it back together and she
27:24
did probably 80% of the work I'm a hot ride guy I start building cars when I was 15 and all this stuff so I had the
27:30
knowledge but the way I taught her is hey here let me show you how to do this
27:35
then you go do it if you screw it up you'll you have to redo it we just rebuilt we building a huge shop like a
27:42
garage type thing I taught her I taught her how to frame the same way but she made the mistake but then I transition
27:50
from hey let me make sure that you're not being dumb to I know that you're
27:57
smart enough capable enough to do anything let me help you along that path and that that seems to have and that's
28:04
probably been the last 10 years and it's made a huge difference in our relationship for sure yeah I love that yeah it sounds like it was actually very
28:11
therapeutic for you to give her the Reigns unlike her father did and you know I your point was like this but I
28:18
can I just zoom it out a little bit you know as men we're often up against the
28:24
ghost of her father MH and what I and the father is kind of in cloes cuz the father could have been the actual father
28:31
or a brother or lovers you know that really wounded her in certain ways and
28:38
you know we could we could we can stay in the mode of like where the hell you going with that hammer where we're kind
28:45
of you know we're not we're not we're not opening our eyes to the fact that
28:51
she might be wounded in a certain way and so we just react you know because we disagree with her behavior but we're not
28:56
seeing past it to the wound we could actually if we could be with that you can actually heal your woman and heal
29:03
the as I as I call it the ghost of her father but you got to be bigger than that you know bigger than whatever wound
29:09
that she that manifests in the present day so it sounds like a beautiful example of that where you you actually
29:15
probably really healed her a lot from from that wounding from her father I love that example yeah and we you know
29:20
we T we worked on it together and it's a constant you know thing but but it's so interesting to me because my original
29:26
motivation is that I want to care for her and make and and quote unquote make
29:32
sure that she's able to accomplish what she's trying to accomplish and and you know her dad was one of these guys that
29:38
like excuse me took things away from her because she didn't feel confident right yeah and so I was not necessarily doing
29:46
that but on on occasion I would and and so like I was actually doing it from a place of love but from a totally screwed
29:53
up place right like I was I was completely you know telling her that she was incapable you know I've been super
30:01
blessed to be able to feed into the lives of tons of men from all around the world in all walks of life and I'm very
30:08
excited to announce that I do have a couple spots available right now if you're interested in working with me and
30:14
we can talk about pretty much anything marriage business fitness parenting being a dad uh dogs cars whatever you
Building Emotional Connection and Safety
30:22
want to talk about I'm available to do that we want to focus on the things that may be most beneficial to you and some
30:28
things that you may not even know would be beneficial to you you've listened to the podcast you kind of know my style if
30:34
you are interested in working with me I want to try to make it as simple as possible but I also want to make sure we're a good fit send an email to
30:40
coaching MaxOut man.com and just give me two pieces of information why you would like to work with me and what that might
30:48
mean for you what things you would hope to accomplish by meeting with me that'll kick off the process I'll reach back out
30:54
to you we can jump on a call and see whether or not it would be a good fit so go to maxed out man.com coaching maxed
31:01
out man.com send me an email uh with those two pieces of information and we'll see if it's a good fit and I hope
31:07
it is and I hope that we can actually connect right yeah this is this is what I we're talking about how to be with
31:13
strong women so strong women are going to be more apt to be like don't don't treat me like a baby you know let me let
31:19
me do some of this and so this I I love your example this is this is what I this
31:24
you know falls into the category of taking care of your woman and I actually have a whole section on this in in one
31:29
of my online courses um and it's not it's not something I've heard a lot of traditional men's teachers talk about a
31:36
lot like how do you actually take care of your woman and her heart and her body and her well-being um it's something I
31:44
think men could get a lot better at it yeah 100% I was just thinking but you know we have a um our kids are gone so
31:50
it's easier but we have a a room that we do she gets a Weekly massage and like
31:56
not like hey this is a three second three minute massage on the way to something else is like this is a legit
32:02
massage um and so that's one of the ways that I care for her we you know we we did this this weekend and I had her wear
32:09
um an eye mask and like just like look there's no there's no end result here
32:15
that we're trying to get to and you know just really be and back to your point about being in the moment and she actually cried a little bit cuz she was
32:22
just able to be in that moment but for me that's one of those things like I partic specifically learned how to give
32:29
an actual real therapeutic massage and and we have this joke at the you know
32:35
when we're when we're done with the massage I'm like would you like to participate in our additional
32:43
services so but you know it's so like and sometimes it's yes and more times
32:48
than not it's yes but and sometimes it's it's not but like what what I tried to do is create an environment in that way
32:55
that it's not expectation like I'm not giving you I'm not giving to get yeah
33:02
and and that's something that's made a huge difference for us yeah I think that that ties into the story about the flowers and giving and the energy with
33:10
which yeah it's like giving to get there's that expectation you know and they can feel you searching them for
33:17
that you know reciprocity so yeah give give without expectation of reciprocity
33:22
and it'll it'll come back to you many times over yeah not it just may not in
33:28
that particular moment right and it's you know it is that self-sacrificial giving because if you're giving with the
33:35
expectation of getting then you're not really giving this is a this is a transaction yeah if you're thinking
33:41
about your giving in terms of transaction whether it be your your words your actions your thoughts you
33:48
know all of that if making a transactional I think just diminishes it completely totally yeah couldn't agree
33:54
with you more so are you finding so me Let's Help the men that are listening to
33:59
this you know how do they begin to have these conversations with their woman to to even just open this up right like to
34:09
be able to understand because I think men are like I don't even know where to start like I know my wife or you know
34:15
girlfriend is really strong and I tend to be pretty weak in the relationship I know that that's out of balance how do I
34:21
find out where she's at how do we have these conver because it all starts with conversations when in terms of the
34:27
interactions I'm assuming well no
34:33
okay and and this is I think what you're what we're talking about is it's not you
34:39
don't need her to you don't need her to participate okay do something different
34:45
what you you got to work on yourself so it's not it's I don't say it starts with a conversation I say it starts with
34:50
doing the work on yourself and bringing something different you will evoke
34:56
something different way of being and her by your own way of being and I think that's the powerful thing about the masculine is their way of being tends to
35:03
be a reaction to our way of being and we could go into why that is but let's take it as a given for
35:09
now so I would say don't don't open up a conversation about how to fix the relationship or certainly not how to be
35:16
more masculine or or be more of a leader like it's kind of like Fight Club don't talk about being a Le with your woman
35:22
because it'll come off poorly trust me just just do it and so here what do you do number one start getting more
35:29
grounded so you're less reactive when she gets fir that's number one she'll feel that immediately the minute that
35:36
you have 20% more capacity for her upset and you kind of just stay with it that
35:41
much longer without defending or explaining or talking her out of it or trying to fix it it's going to pay I
35:46
mean she's going to feel that immediately so get grounded guys and then start to look at the places in your
35:53
life where you abdicate start to look at the places where you're actually pretty good at something and so you could lead
35:59
more and just lead not not by control but by invitation but showing up and
36:05
being like you know what baby I think we should do this how would that land for you instead of the first thing you say
36:12
is well what do you want to do babe because you know she you know she's super opinionated so you just go immediately to ask her actually have
36:18
your own Clarity and bring something to the party it's kind of like when you show up for a dinner party you don't show up empty-handed at somebody's house
36:24
you bring a bottle of wine you bring flowers you bring something so show up to the party with some clarity in what
36:30
you think should be done it doesn't mean that you have to do it that way but start with that Clarity that's what I would say to guys and then and then the
36:37
third element which we didn't actually get to so maybe we should goad back but is is building emotional safety and
36:44
connection and so build start to build emotional connection with your woman um
36:50
and create emotional safety for her um that's going to pay dividin you know
36:56
many times over over and so for guys that say Hey how do I start this that's my answer get more grounded start to get
37:03
your Clarity and Lead offer your leadership more and then build connection and emotional safety for
37:09
her once you do that everything's going to change I guarantee it and how do we build how how what's the process for
37:16
building I'm a logistics Guy what's the process for building that connection
37:22
yeah the biggest complaint that that women I talk to say
37:28
is I don't feel heard and seen and received and understood and certainly felt yeah so if you can just make some
37:36
more space for her emotions learn how to skillfully dance with them and that's what that's what I'm working on man I
37:42
bet you're doing that kind of work as well with men so you know guys go find a coach somewhere out there who can help you with
37:48
this um yeah that's first and foremost is is really just making space for her
37:55
for her expression and understanding the feminine expression more rather than just saying oh she's just being crazy if
38:01
you can see behind that you can actually see what's going on um that's one and then building emotional connection a lot
38:07
of it comes down to sharing of your own inner State most guys don't share a lot
38:12
what's inside and we feel like a rock to our women and then when they can't feel us they start to feel unconnected to us
38:18
do that over time and then they feel chronically unconnected to us and then that's when relationships start to fray
38:23
and end um so start sharing of yourself in a masculine way not a feminine way
38:29
but in a masculine style um and then really getting to know her like it's
38:35
pretty common knowledge I think most women know their men way more than the than the man knows her but the Fe the
38:41
feminine likes as I said likes to be felt and understood and known the feminine likes to be known so know your
38:48
woman and this is a lot of I work with guys on a lot of their curiosity and and how to really get to know the her world
38:55
more um those are the ways that you build emotional connection those are the ways that you create create an emotional
39:01
sense of emotional safety in her and that is so powerful so powerful yeah we
39:08
call I always call it getting your getting your PhD in your in your woman you know because it's like I actually I
39:17
almost pride myself a little bit and I want to know my wife um as well or even
39:22
better than she knows herself because we often times we we don't really know ourselves as well as other people may
39:29
Point certain things out so whether that's physically sexually spiritually emotionally all of all of those things
39:34
like I would have have I want to know I want to be the expert on on my wife and
39:39
I think that goes back to what you were saying about being uh attuned to her and you're you you know predominantly we
39:46
give the example of you know when your wife is mad or angry or going off on you or whatever but there my wife isn't nor
39:53
isn't really geared that way my wife tends to be more um she she withdraws a
39:59
little bit she's just a very soft emotional person like she she and so I
40:05
have to then um soften my Approach not soften myself but soften my approach to
40:13
her because I'm like well just get over it like that's not you know that but but I do want to point out as as we have
40:19
listeners that not all women have that strong angry I'm gonna stab you in the
40:25
face kind of demeanor but I think we tend to then also have a
40:30
hard time really understanding and quote unquote dealing with you know just
40:36
you're crying for no reason quote unquote no reason right like that's that and obviously there's cyclical there's
40:43
hormonal there's you know environmental and all of that stuff um but I just wanted to kind of point that out a
40:49
little bit as well yeah I love that I love that example of crying for no reason like why are you so upset that's
40:55
such a common question that guys ask and you know I'd say that guys come on guys you got to know this your woman feels
41:02
her emotions five times more than you do so just like if you you know jumped into
41:08
the Pacific Ocean up here in Northern California like it's cold it's and it's going to hit your system and
41:14
you're going to feel it you it's kind of like emotions for her they hit her way more than than they hit you and so you
GS Youngblood's Relationship Repair Bootcamp
41:20
wonder why she's crying it's because she can't contain it it's too much of an emotional burden for her she actually
41:26
needs you to carry some of it with her and that could either be through your empathy or if you're going to be not empathetic then she's going to pound you
41:32
until you start to feel it feel her pain with her so it's your choice which way you want to participate but she's going
41:38
to enroll you in that because it's too much for her and if you want to be the hero for your woman figure out how to
41:45
really step in close and carry that burden with her you're going to be her hero because then she can regulate
41:51
you're going to be the man that regulates her and then she can come back into into into Rel relationship with you
41:58
in the moment being relational being sexual being loving um being able to talk about the facts and you know all
42:05
that comes after you you achieve that emotional resonance which is the connection part right like we have to I
42:11
love that idea of like all right I'm going to because I want to provide safety I want to provide security I want
42:17
to provide that environment and one way to do it is actually to you know if you
42:22
imagine a cup of emotion and it's overflowing then I have an I have my cup
42:27
or you know I put my hands under that cup in order to catch that overflow and then be able to talk through it and
42:33
carry some of that with her I love that that's really pretty yeah yeah yeah good stuff good stuff Kevin well I think that
42:41
you know I I mean to me that do you want to talk any about your relationship repair boot camp about the boot camp and
42:48
kind of what what you do there yeah thank you yeah I I obviously I do a lot of one-on-one coaching but I'm I'm you
42:54
know I'm scaling that down because I'm trying to scale up the the the reach that I've got and so these group
43:01
programs have been great I'm realizing for a couple of reasons well the boot camp is a 12-week program you go through
43:07
with typically 10 to 12 guys total um and it is a group experience and what
43:13
you're getting is we do a few sessions on each of the elements of the masculine blueprint and so from the book they get
43:19
the mental information in the boot camp we're doing practices and exercises and partner work um to really Drive private
43:27
home more than just the written word can provide and so guys they they start to
43:33
see other men having similar problems so they feel a little less alone uh the work between the men is is very uh um
43:41
very helpful and Powerful in in creating learning and understanding and transformation um and you just you get
43:48
community with other men which a lot of guys don't have I mean you know this working with guys guys don't have friends and so to do this in a in a
43:56
community environment and start to build connections with other men that have depth is really powerful so uh I've
44:02
loved the boot camp and the participants have really loved it as well and we do we do really good work so thanks for
44:07
asking about that yeah I've been really surprised when we do these group things how
44:13
quickly most of the men are to just like spill it right like it's for you know
44:19
they wouldn't do that at a barbecue but you get them in these environments and they're just like dude that was almost
44:25
like that borders on overshare but that's awesome that you said that right and so that really gives men an
44:31
opportunity to open up a little bit totally and it's an opportunity they they just don't have in their regular
44:37
life when they like their neighbor buddy or the guy that's another dad on their kids baseball team or whatever they just
44:43
don't have those opportunities I I think that's why they immediately kind of let the floodgates open because they just
44:48
don't have it but it's all building up there um so it's it's yeah it's beautiful these group experiences for
44:55
allowing men those opportunities that's awesome yeah okay so just before before we wrap up can you give just one or two
45:02
like hey if you do nothing else today this is what I would advise you to
45:09
do yeah I would I would say start a daily
45:14
practice embodiment medit embodiment meditation breath work um even if it's a
45:20
five minute practice which is kind of anemic but 5 minutes done consistently is is way better than nothing done
45:26
consistently um so that would be number one and just really come back to yourself you'll be
45:32
amazed at what this changes um uh when you do that religiously so that's that's
45:38
one and number two strive to know her
45:45
better so sometimes that means just just be quiet when she's expressing don't not
45:52
stoically but just kind of try to receive her even if it sounds a little crazy and emot overly emotional like use
45:59
that to get to know her and if she feels 5% more like heard seen understood and
46:05
felt by you you're going to see the you're going to see her lighten up and open up immediately even with just
46:10
little changes in that because the feminine really just craves to be known and felt um I think those are the two
46:17
that I would give I know those aren't simple but those are the two that are that come for me no I I love it and I
46:23
was thinking about one of the actions that I had done I actually did a 300 I did a everyday 3x5 postcard where I put
46:32
things I love about you and and so I wrote those and I put them all over her
46:37
bathroom so it was it took up the whole bathroom and then I made a book for her and all this stuff but one of the
46:43
exercises that I really enjoyed out of that is when you know that's 365
46:49
individual things right like you can't I'm not going to repeat those and so I
46:54
had to know and and really Explore her in order to get that information and get
47:00
to know her a little bit better so love that that's great well we know gsy youngblood.com right that's
47:07
the that's the main place where else can we find you yeah you can you can see examples on YouTube just search for my
47:13
name or uh Instagram GS Youngblood M iir uh is another place to see little clips
47:20
of different things that I talk about uh those are those are the best places yeah we also Kevin I'll just do a Shameless
47:26
plug go ahead go ahead I don't know when you'll release this episode but if it's anytime in the next couple of weeks
47:31
we've got a workshop in the middle of October here in in the San Francisco Bay Area um and I'm super excited about that
47:39
the workshops are always just amazing experiences for the men awesome and they just go to gsy youngblood.com to find
47:45
out yeah right there yeah okay sounds great I'll make sure I get that out and uh I
47:51
appreciate you taking the time buddy all right thanks brother all right see you if you're looking to really Max maximize
47:57
your life and become the man you were made to be head over to maxed out man.com and get your journey started
48:04
today [Music]