Episode 59 - From Reactivity to Creativity: Cultivating Presence in a Distracted World - Bodhi Aldridge

In this episode, Bodhi Aldridge discusses the importance of commitment, presence, and flow in creating a fulfilling life. He emphasizes the need for a daily practice to cultivate these qualities and find meaning and purpose. Bodhi also explores the paradox of commitment and the role of values in aligning one's behavior with their desired outcomes. He shares practical tips for slowing down the mind, practicing stillness, and bringing joy to everyday tasks. Overall, the conversation highlights the power of presence and the potential for personal growth and transformation through conscious commitment. The conversation explores the journey towards true freedom and self-discovery for men. It emphasizes the shift from a victim mentality to recognizing and embracing personal choice. 

Acceptance and choice in relationships are discussed, highlighting the importance of letting go of control and focusing on one's own choices. Taking responsibility for change and self-forgiveness are key themes, emphasizing the need to release self-judgment and embrace personal growth. The concept of true freedom is defined as freedom from suffering and reconnecting with one's natural state of love and innocence. The conversation also addresses the challenge for men to seek help and the importance of vulnerability and support. The episode concludes with a call to action, encouraging listeners to take steps towards personal growth and self-discovery.

Takeaways

Commitment is the key to experiencing freedom, flow, and fulfillment in life.
Developing a daily practice, such as meditation or exercise, can cultivate presence and create a foundation for personal growth.
The paradox of commitment is that true freedom comes from fully committing to something and embracing the challenges and fears that arise.
Bringing joy to what you do and aligning your behavior with your values can lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
Slowing down the mind and practicing stillness can help cultivate presence and create space for clarity and creativity. Shift from victim mentality to recognizing personal choice
Let go of control and focus on personal choices in relationships
Take responsibility for change and practice self-forgiveness
Define true freedom as freedom from suffering and reconnecting with natural state
Overcome the challenge of seeking help and embrace vulnerability

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background
02:22 The Importance of Daily Practice
07:26 The Paradox of Commitment
09:46 Balancing Passion and Responsibility
12:37 Commitment and Discipline
15:56 The Power of Presence
19:14 Finding Meaning and Purpose
22:59 Cultivating Flow in Life
26:50 Practicing Presence and Flow
33:02 Slowing Down the Mind
36:41 Creating Stillness and Sharpening the Mind
43:47 Overcoming Reactivity, Distraction, and Repression
45:58 Bringing Joy to What You Do
47:20 Applying the 80-20 Rule to Life
48:20 The Shift from Victim Mentality to Choice
50:11 Acceptance and Choice in Relationships
52:34 Taking Responsibility for Change
53:28 The Power of Self-Forgiveness
56:48 Defining True Freedom
57:48 Freedom from Suffering
58:17 Reconnecting with Natural State
01:00:10 The Challenge for Men to Seek Help
01:09:03 Inspiration and Taking Action

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Transcript

0:00
Welcome to maxed out man helping you
0:06
become the man you were made to be hey guys this is Kevin Davis from the
0:11
max out man podcast this is episode number 59 I'm here with bod Aldridge from Australia he'll fill us in on that
0:19
uh as well I did want to remind you that if you want information about what we do uh you can find us at maxed out man.com
0:25
we offer all kinds of stuff there we're also on pretty much every social media platform so so just search for max out
0:30
man on that so hey let me give me a quick intro on Bodie bod teaches male
0:36
Business Leaders to connect with their presence purpose and passion to create a life of Freedom flow abundance and joy
0:42
having coached Business Leaders around the globe for the last 23 plus years I'm assuming uh bod's developed a simple yet
0:48
effective process to help men experience Freedom flow in life and to lead with
0:54
presence purpose and passion um I got a full disclosure bod wanted to we we
0:59
originally scheduled a little earlier and and I know bod had to go out and get some surf in so I that that's actually
1:05
like the perfect reason to to put off any meeting any call any podcast or
1:12
whatever I'm not a surfer myself but I had a conversation with a buddy of mine that lives in San Diego last week runs a
1:18
very successful business but he goes out to Surf four times a week there in San Diego it just you know that's just his
1:25
thing time away getting to know you know all that stuff I usually do walks and
1:30
stuff outside it when it's um when it's nice we were 28 we were for uh 68 below
1:38
zero wind chill two weeks ago here here and so we don't necessarily go out and
1:43
do a lot of activities uh in the in the weather when it's like that but it's it's warming up now and and beautiful
1:48
snow today so we can't complain that much so hey so that's like the I really appreciate you being here we were just
1:54
we were just talking a little bit and uh I think we already have a great connection I'm super excited about this
2:00
conversation I gave kind of the the LinkedIn level uh bio there but I'd love
2:06
to hear you just expand on that go as as long as you want as early and late as you want however you want to explain it
2:13
but let us know more about what you do and what you've got going on yeah and I love that um link you know
2:20
for the listeners around you know on the hero's journey one of the keys is to develop a daily
The Importance of Daily Practice
2:27
practice yeah and as you know through your know um Fitness and you know going
2:32
for walks you know for me it's surfing yoga and any of the listeners like if you really want to lean into what you're
2:38
offering Heaven what I offer that's one of the things and I talk a lot about commitment what commitment really means
2:45
um and that's been my journey you know so briefly my first 20 years I was an attorney I um you know went to college
2:52
because Mom said go to college and uh been married 40 years you know four
2:57
children 10 grandchildren and so you know it's been the life of you know being a
3:03
householder and you know in my late 30s I um there were a couple of things
3:08
happened yet one of the things was I really realized that I was sitting on the fence with my practice Yeah with my
3:16
health practice I was doing okay like I was doing triathlons and I was always healthy surfing yet there was a point
3:22
when I really committed to it and that was a key part of kind of what unfolded
3:27
you know I got a business coach into to my legal practice and pretty quickly you
3:33
know she said you're not that passionate about this you know why don't you come and and train play with me and so over a
3:39
period of two years and and I love the way purpose reveals itself like it wasn't you know organized and I didn't
3:47
have this is what I'm going to do but I had a deep intention to fully express myself and that was in my early 40s and
3:53
since then I've been traveling the globe working with leaders Business Leaders men and really teaching you know the key
3:59
components of you know the masculine you know things like what is presence we're so distracted these days what is purpose
4:07
really what is a purpose-led life and of course passion you know and as a lot of your um guests and listeners you know
4:14
passion for your children passion for your beloved passion leaning into life fully fully expressing life you know so
4:22
it's been quite a bride sounds like it congrat congrats on 40 years I'm actually pretty much almost
4:28
exactly 10 years behind you on the calendar and and with marriage and and I think that that um you know for us we we
4:36
had a chance to grow up together 22 and 21 when we get married and and uh it's been it's been awesome and we've been up
4:42
and down but things get better every day yeah it's interesting because your journey I I say often just because you
4:50
can doesn't mean you should and so like you you went to obviously law school and and had your
4:57
own private practice and all that but you're like I mean I'm sure you look around saying do I really want to do
5:03
this not only tomorrow and the next day but for the next 30 years of my life
5:08
right like it was there like this and sometimes those things come in a different Continuum right like I'm I'm
5:14
absolutely freaking miserable in what I'm doing versus you know I I can do this but like
5:21
I don't really enjoy doing it so why don't I look for for other things and
5:27
how can I find that passion right yeah and it's interesting you know like
5:32
not having a mentor like myself at that time and when I work with clients
5:38
particularly in that demographic like 40s to sort of mid-50s the real key
5:43
Kevin is it's not changing the external without changing the
5:49
internal right so a lot of men you know the essential driver for us as men is freedom we're looking for Freedom it's
5:56
the hero's journey the Holy Grail yet when we're young we're looking for it outside ourselves yeah we think it's
6:03
somewhere there on the Mountaintop you know going to India you know going on a surve trip and so the Nuance is if you
6:11
can do some of the inner work which is just about getting to know yourself getting more present with yourself
6:16
loving yourself then absolutely there a lot of the listeners are probably in jobs that
6:24
may not light them up yet what I say is don't jump out of it because again a lot
6:30
of the demographic are probably have mortgages married kids the jobs providing a level of security and
6:36
certainty and in some ways that part of your life y that is your purpose you
6:44
know I've committed look look at your journey you made a commitment to your wife and your children you probably resisted it at times like most men but
6:51
at the end of the day you also knew part of that commitment was I am here to provide a level of certainty and
6:57
security and this job job inverted commas quote unquote seres that purpose
7:03
for now yeah so if you do the inner work you realize it's not leaving where you
7:08
are now and then you start to lean into a purpose-led life inquiry reflection
7:14
opportunity then the form the outer form yet will reveal itself and it could be
7:20
six months it could be two years but I think that's the Continuum as you say
7:25
yeah that's um with with me in particular and I I joke on this podcast sometimes I feel like these these are
The Paradox of Commitment
7:31
you know let's feel free to have a coaching session with me for my own Ed edification and then let let the listeners learn along but for me
7:39
personally I have four businesses and I've said this on the podcast before but I have four businesses about nine Brands
7:44
I do Consulting I have I have coaching and all that but what I found is my
7:49
other businesses I love the creation aspect when of creating new businesses
7:55
my wife has tons of hobbies Automotive welding baking cake decorating all of
8:01
these things she's like you your hobby is literally creating new businesses and
8:06
and that's that's true like I just love the creation process of it but with the you know we started maxd out Mana a
8:12
little over a year ago and it it was in part altruistic because I want to help
8:18
men be better and it's also as a means to do you know to you know there's a
8:23
there's a financial component obviously because we're we're trying to make money while we do while we do our thing
8:29
um but I've found that with my other businesses that continue to to grow and do their thing that helps support my
8:37
passion for what for what I'm doing with maxed out man without those things and without maintaining those things I
8:44
couldn't do what I'm doing right now because I couldn't like you said paying the mortgage you know paying for trips
8:49
and paying for the light bill and in our case paying a lot of heating bills uh I
8:55
I couldn't make those happen so to your point um even though my passion is with
9:00
with and I've you know somebody said to me the other day he's like I can see on your face that this is what you've
9:06
you've been waiting to be doing and I was like absolutely this is something
9:11
I'm just so psyched to be to be doing this and to see these next Journeys but to your point I didn't aband I didn't
9:17
just sell everything and start the new thing right yep that's it and that's the
9:23
real setup particularly if we don't understand freedom and commitment you know the Paradox you know true Freedom
9:29
only comes from True commitment yeah and you know we have a lot of cultural misinterpretation of
9:36
commitment yet you're committed to your wife you're committed to your children most of the listeners in that
9:42
demographic it's like you've made that choice and commitment is I choose them chice yeah and with that commitment
Balancing Passion and Responsibility
9:48
comes beautiful opportunity some challenges and so yeah it's honoring that commitment by being the provider
9:56
and whatever your Dynamic is with your partner you know you can you know co- income you know she may be bringing in
10:03
more income yet it doesn't stop exactly what you say the passion projects it doesn't stop you leaning into your
10:10
hobbies the The Challenge and I'll be interested on your journey with maxed out man is that the seduction is that
10:16
because I love this like I love surfing yeah the truth is I'm never going to be a professional Surfer or a surf coach
10:23
right and so that's the seduction is just because I'm passionate doesn't necessarily mean it's going end up being
10:30
my income or my business yeah and and there will be areas that will be like
10:36
the creativity you bring to building Brands you know yeah and I I I want to explore that more in my case and it's
10:43
funny because I've got a lot of friends I I run in this entrepreneurial um Circle you know a lot of my friends are
10:49
entrepreneurs and um or small business people but it's interesting that you can you can find people that have have one
10:57
side of the entrepreneurial Journey which is like the spirit of entrepreneur but then unfortunately for a lot of them
11:04
it's not matched with the skill set the knowledge and the drive to meld those
11:10
things together and therefore it's like you know I I have multiple Brands some have been more successful than others I
11:16
can run those concurrently I kill off the ones that don't perform well but I'm fairly confident to know that if I
11:23
create a new brand I know how to drive that forward you know and and to produce it but I have that are like you're in
11:30
your like 15th different business in the last two years and they all lasted two
11:35
weeks right so to to your point just because you're passionate about
11:40
something doesn't mean that that's something that's actually going to come to fruition and I think a lot of people
11:47
kind of miss that along the entrepreneurial journey is that they they have a hard time being Discerning
11:52
with with that you know yeah yeah absolutely and there's a few lies to
11:58
that one of it is is again it's the outside in model it's like oh this looks interesting I enjoy it yeah if I could
12:05
make this yet my business and income I will be happy instead of going what
12:11
brings you Joy what brings you happiness now and how do I express that and the
12:17
other piece and i' be interested Kevin if you reflected on because entrepreneurs being an entrepreneur and working with entrepreneurs if you look
12:23
at some of the ingredients and just looking at you know your energy and meeting you and you know what you do
12:29
with your physical health what does commitment mean to you commitment and discipline because that's what
12:35
entrepreneurs have I mean basic yeah I mean for me
Commitment and Discipline
12:40
it's just like it's this we talked about on the last podcast which is it's just do it right like it's I mean it's like
12:48
there are just things and for me we live kind of in a more traditional role sense
12:55
gender role sense within my marriage and it works great for us for other people it doesn't work this
13:01
this wouldn't work for them my wife's a total badass welder car builder boxer
13:07
you know Homemaker turned into all those things once the kids left the house and so she just kind of reinvented herself
13:13
so other than opening the occasional pickle jar my wife totally can do pretty
13:19
much anything she needs to do without me however she allows me and wants me to be
13:25
the provider the protector those kind of things things um but from a commitment
13:31
standpoint you know let's let's use exercise for example a lot of things a lot of times I tell uh people that hey
13:37
it's not if I'm going to work out today it's what time I'm going what time am I gonna work out yeah because that's a
13:44
mindset shift that it's it's not optional you know sometimes you just don't feel right your body needs rest or
13:51
whatever and that's a that's a different thing but habitually it's that way I made the I was telling someone the story
13:57
the other night my wife got home a little bit later than I did we were both at separate events I got home I'm up in
14:04
my uh we have a two-story house so I'm up in the bedroom kind of on my phone just doing what you do to kind of
14:09
decompress from the day which I don't recommend social media because that's not exactly just decompressing I I think
14:15
I was listening to a Jack Reacher book on Audi book or something but I heard her come in and so and I think this a
14:22
great example of commitment um my my first tendency is I'm going to lay there on my ass
14:29
and wait for her to come upstairs right like I'm I'm sitting on the bed the dogs are up there I'm comfortable but in my
14:36
mind and I and then I hear her and I know that she needs to eat dinner she had skipped dinner so I know she's going
14:41
to be downstairs for a while so I made the conscious choice just do it get up
14:47
off your ass go downstairs greet her tell her you love her you're happy to
14:52
see her and sit down and eat dinner with her while you while you talk right like that's a commitment that I that I'm
14:59
making and I'm trying you know I don't always get that right none of us do but I'm trying to get to that level of this
15:06
serves her in a way that I know and she said later we talked about it we sit out in the hot tub most nights um and she
15:13
said later that night that made such a huge impact on my evening and on my
15:18
night and it was something so simple it took me 40 seconds and just the effort
15:24
of like the giant effort of standing up
15:30
right and and walking but I think that that's for me anyway that's kind of what commitment means uh in those different
15:37
scenarios yeah and that real being of service to the feminine being of service to your beloved um it's a great example
15:44
and so commitment commitment means I choose to
15:50
have no more Choice yeah walk through that with me yeah because it's a paradox yeah and as
The Power of Presence
15:56
you know the deeper you go on the journey you hit Paradox you hit mystery those sorts of things so the Paradox is
16:02
this and if we think about relationship for you know a lot of young men commitment phobia commitment fears you
16:08
know all of that cultural conversation the truth is this that when you fully commit to something
16:15
you're all in you choose to have no more Choice I'm fully in yeah now that might be you know
16:22
committed to your your your push-up challenge or it might be committed to your 12-month goals it might be
16:28
committed to your marriage it might be committed to your business but what happens is as soon as you commit to
16:33
something Kevin the fears have to come up all of the fears you know again if
16:39
you use your you know Fitness yeah I commit to the the push-up challenge yeah
16:44
and it's like oh yeah but I had a few drinks last night yeah I don't know if I'm going to do it today um or you know
16:51
the kids were sick and I didn't get much sleep what happens for most people is that these fears come come up and after
17:01
a while instead of questioning the fear what's the obstacle all about they
17:06
question their commitment and it's the same in marriage you know think about you know you've been together a long time yeah think of
17:13
all the times that you've question it you've doubted it you've you know had your bags packed wanting to get out yeah
17:19
they're all the life lessons that commitment provide you with yeah so the
17:25
fear isn't in the way the fear is the way it's the way to learn more about
17:30
yourself what do I have to deal with what do I have to overcome and and the Paradox of commitment so when you commit
17:36
to your beloved energetically I choose to have no more Choice the Paradox is of
17:42
course you have Choice yeah of course you can live yeah it's not that hard to stand up and get
17:48
in your car but what energetically you're actually saying is I have choice and I choose to fully be here with you
17:55
today this moment I choose to be here I choose to be here and and commitment is micro choices all the time I choose to
18:02
be here I choose to be here and the energy of that working with couples you know often work with men and then with
18:08
couples is most guys and correct me if I'm wrong Kevin particularly early you know that first sort of 10 years in your
18:14
marriage metaphorically most guys have your bag packed at the back door just in
18:19
case you got to leave there's a part of you that it's like oh if this gets too hard or this is the wrong one and and
18:25
the divorce rates prove it and I encourage anyone yet who's in a committed relationship is to unpack your
18:32
bag close the back door and lean in fully lean into your beloved fully lean
18:38
into your marriage your children because the energy shift is huge and The Feminine knows it like your wife the
18:44
other night the feminine goes wow this man is present and committed to me and
18:50
there's nothing more uplifting for the feminine than a man who's energetically fully there present committed and that's
18:57
the dance that's the Paradox does does that make sense yeah that's the fun right like that's the and and it's it's
19:04
crazy because you you know so much in our culture commitment you know it's the fear of commitment or if I commit to
19:10
this then I can't XYZ um when we first got married we were
Finding Meaning and Purpose
19:16
young 21 and 22 we didn't know Jack crap you know and and uh and so but we've
19:22
grown up together but when we first got married there W there was no you know we're both Evangelical Christians so we
19:30
had kind of our faith basis there but not from a a guilt or obligation but we
19:36
had made a decision that divorce is not an option it just so there were no you know
19:41
we never had bags packed because they would just sit there and GA do and we went early on in our marriage I leaned
19:47
into the corporate world and my success there and leaned into that because I was
19:53
afraid of my new child that I had and not knowing anything not knowing what to do I was afraid I had so many fears
19:59
about failure but then on the other side I had such success on the corporate world so I
20:05
leaned I leaned the wrong direction and I and I basically fell on my face that way and my my wife Michelle she
20:13
basically packed her bags and said hey um I'm here with my stuff packed if
20:18
you'd like to come home now we can work this out and and she you know she wasn't like I'm going to go file for divorce
20:24
papers but she want you know it made the point and and I completely turned my life around I I switched the commitment
20:32
and it's a long story but I essentially had to to tell my boss I was I was in the beginning of a startup company
20:39
during the darkom days and I was very successful and I had to go to my boss and say look I can't do any of this crap
20:46
anymore I need to be home with my family and here's what it needs to look like and uh side note in case you're
20:52
wondering whether your purpose is you know how these adjust I ended up getting a huge raise didn't have to travel
20:57
anymore more and I was traveling six days a week and actually got to I Got a
21:03
Blessing by being able to to make that commitment and get my you know kind of that have your cake and eat it too kind
21:10
of thing but all that to say if you're committing to the wrong side of to the
21:15
wrong things it has such an impact on your life and I cannot imagine what my life would be like my kids lives would
21:22
be like my wife's life would be like now um and it's allowed us to serve
21:28
throughout our marriage to help Mentor coach and teach them how to not do those
21:34
things and how to do them better yeah again beautiful beautiful story you know to illustrate and and you
21:41
know for any of the listeners if you want to know what you committed to yeah what's your
21:47
behavior and it's the same commitment can be very aligned with values yeah and going back to your
21:53
entrepreneurs you know a lot of those entrepreneurs aren't committed they're not fully in it's a nice idea but they're not
21:59
fully in because you know what it takes I know what it takes it's like you got to deal with all those fear Flags you're going to get knockback you're going to
22:04
get rejection you're going to have cash flow issues um and the thing with values is you know as you know and with your
22:11
belief system values are very important and most of them are subconscious for most people but if you want to know what
22:18
your values are again you know if I want to know what your values are just show me your calendar show me your diary for
22:23
the last month yeah that will you know like I a lot people I I I work with it's like I
22:30
really want to get fit I just don't go to the gym right it turns out that's kind of
22:36
important yeah exactly you know or I really want deeper relationships with my children I just don't have time and
22:42
again it's not right or wrong it's just not aligned you know as you know Integrity alignment with your commitment
22:47
and values it's like your behavior is telling you and the world what you value
22:53
most yeah and if you value corporate life yeah and you value that world
Cultivating Flow in Life
23:00
because in some ways it is a little bit easier because it's structured yeah then just be honest with
23:05
yourself instead of saying no I really value family I really value my health you know I value all these things yep
23:13
and and again it's just you know commitment values it's just a reflection point for the listeners to go and be you
23:18
know gently lovingly honest with yourself and just go yeah what's what is my behavior
23:24
demonstrating and true change Kevin as you know comes from inspiration or
23:30
desperation you know and unfortunately a lot of men you know we know what's going on with mental health we know what's
23:36
going on with physical health all of those issues a lot of men have isolated themselves haven't had mentors haven't
23:42
had fathers and it can get to the point of desperation when you would see it
23:47
with your clients where suddenly they realize they've got to make a radical shift particularly around their physical
23:53
health and their mental health my invitation to the listeners is be inspired be inspired by who you are you
23:59
know in the world be inspired by the work that's happening there and and just make small shifts you know in flow
24:06
States I work a lot with presence and flow you can cultivate flow in your life and it literally can be three or 4%
24:12
shift each day you you teach your clients this as well you know just those small shifts it doesn't have to be
24:17
radical can be but it doesn't have to be yeah just slowly moving the dial moving
24:23
the dial developing developing and you know eventually as you know getting it's
24:28
like people go to the gym three times and go it doesn't work for me good luck with that
24:35
yeah well and for me like even for people that work out all the time it's you know I work out quite often and uh I
24:42
have now henceforth decided to call the time between Amer you know we're in America American Thanksgiving and
24:48
American New Year um that I'm going to refer to that as bulking season from now
24:53
on um but not car loing right not but my
25:00
but my wife but my wife is a baker so I had actually reached one of the lowest body fat I was super lean super fit kind
25:07
of last summer and then I just I just kind of I'm a sugar aholic I love sugar
25:12
and so by having all this baking stuff around I gained probably 10 pounds it's not that big a deal I can take it back
25:18
off I'm already halfway there um you know just just making changes but it's
25:23
that it's that commitment like I know better but I wasn't fully committed over
25:28
the holidays to not take the steps that I knew were going to bite me in the ass later and it's a hell of a lot more
25:35
enjoyable to eat your way to 10 pounds up than to to than to cut your cut your
25:41
carbs and cut your you know protein and all that stuff in order to get th get those 10 backs but that's that's a
25:47
really interesting can can you so explain to me what this flow thing what
25:53
what flow and presence and all those I'm trying to uh because it's again it's not something that I really understand that
26:00
well I understand like these we would call them like baby steps like if you're not exercising now go take a walk if you
26:06
are exercising Now set a different goal like for yourself doing triathlons and Iron Man's and surfing every day and
26:12
those kind of things uh we've done a couple of marathons and a bunch of halves um and if you're like one of
26:17
those people and you've already done a marathon and your body can handle it you know do an Iron Man or a super marathon
26:25
or Ultra or whatever right like always take that next step to do something more as long as it fits within your goals but
26:31
I'm interested in like purpose and flow and how all that works together for your average
26:37
person yeah I mean you know presence is a foundational piece and you know one of
26:44
the one of the 12we programs I run is called from distraction to
26:49
presence you know because again in the Western World you know we have so much
Practicing Presence and Flow
26:55
stimulus our thinking mind 880,000 thoughts today most of them are negative so we've got this incredible
27:02
overload of stimulus and as you know when you're with with Michelle yeah you
27:08
know the difference when you're present and when you're not when you think thinking about it just happened to me I
27:14
actually I I'm thinking that I need to go apologize to her after this because she so I have my office and my my so
27:21
over to the right where I'm to my right is actually my workstation and it sits in the corner so when she comes in I can
27:28
either typically I choose to turn around and and I made the choice earlier to not
27:33
turn around and I actually said hey I just I'm right in the middle of this stuff but I could have taken 30 seconds
27:39
so to that point go go ahead I I I'm interrupted your thought but that's
27:44
that's like my True Confession moment right so and great demonstration again for the
27:50
listeners because this is what's going on all the time and the studies now are incredible you know there's a book by a
27:56
gentleman called Johan h r called stolen um stolen Focus yeah and what he what
28:03
he's done through the Neuroscience he says if you're in the middle of a task and you get an interruption a text
28:09
message or you know check an email or whatever it can take the brain up to the 23 minutes to
28:17
refocus yeah that's a long time it's it's a long time it's like we live with all these tabs open you think about your
28:25
laptop your computer with all these tabs that are open all the time and it's the least efficient way you to be productive
28:31
it's the way we're conditioned because there's so much going on and we've got to be busy and all of that so once we
28:37
start closing a few tabs and all I teach is some really simple practices 10 minutes five minutes a day can start to
28:43
close the tabs yeah start to really get your present yeah embodied presence yeah
28:50
like when you know the difference when you're doing a workout and you're not present and you are present yeah and
28:55
what a difference that makes to the workout to the to the value offered to your mindset and so that's all we're
29:02
doing we're bringing people into presence and interestingly you know the most attractive thing for the
29:09
feminine yeah is to be presenc by the masculine to be seen to be noticed to
29:15
because the feminine driver is connection yeah the masculine driver is freedom so the feminine is looking for
29:22
connection and they know when you're not present yeah they know it energetically emotionally yeah cognitively and when
29:29
you are and it's not present 24 hours a day it's like just that 30 minutes like you in the hot tub with your beloved
29:35
yeah it's like I'm fully present I'm here I'm listening I'm connected I'm in my body I'm not thinking about the
29:41
business I'm not thinking about the you know dogs or whatever it might be now what happens once you cultivate presence
29:48
so flow is presence in action okay yep and what we've what we've noticed in a
29:55
lot of the studies and you'd appreciate this as an athlete Is That Flow States
30:01
yeah in athletes in sport have been studied quite a lot because we know you
30:06
know when you're running a marathon when you're running a triathlon there's a place when you just get in the zone yeah that's flow you're not
30:14
thinking you're not you're resisting yep you're present it's almost effortless
30:20
it's like you know you've done the prep so you you don't have to concern yourself what's fascinating at working
30:26
with Elite a athletes is a lot of them can reach it in their sport but big part
30:32
what I teach them is how do I bring that into my life how do I cultivate that experience
30:38
in my life with my children with my beloved and that's what happens is the
30:43
more present you get the more you realize that you you know you can create flow in your
30:48
life and any entrepreneurs out there this is the way the fastest way to build your business yep every day when you
30:56
wake up Kevin there are two trains that leave your house yeah one is the resistance train one is the flow
31:02
train you know you can wake up kick your toe at the end of the bed and just have a bad day and start resisting you know
31:09
you resist I got to walk the dogs you resist I got to take the kids to school you resist that the cash flow isn't working in the business or you can wake
31:16
up in the day do your morning practice you know do your workout or whatever and get yourself present and in the Flow
31:22
State get your heart open and go I'm just going to meet today from this place of presence in flow I'm not going to
31:28
resist it doesn't mean I don't have challenges problem solving those sorts of things and you know as you know the
31:35
the speed of opportunity manifestation when you're in flow people show up opportunities show up clients show up
31:42
and so it really is and it's not difficult it's just we haven't been taught this does that make sense yeah can you
31:49
walk through that logistically I'm like a I'm like a very practical kind of thing so I understand I understand the
31:56
mindset of that right and you know and even in in my own businesses in my own life I I I'm I'm a weird guy my brain is
32:05
one of those brains that just literally never shuts off um which makes it a
32:11
challenge but my kids have always and my wife they're pretty sure I'm a robot I
32:16
just I was just I just I was born with an innate ability to do kind of you know
32:22
more processing per unit of time than some other people that doesn't make me better it just makes me different and
32:29
quite honestly I wouldn't recommend it you know spending much time inside this Noggin for for anybody else but how does
32:37
that kind of and so I I understand the mindset and the and all that but logistically because everything you just
32:43
described I'm like B you're talking about me you know this is you're you're pointing out my pointing out my internal
32:48
flaws and and all the things I struggle with but um walk us through that yeah so
32:55
again if you distill it and I'm sure with with your clients that you know who want to lean into their exercise you
33:01
know traditional cultures mostly the Neuroscience the physical science shows that a morning
Slowing Down the Mind
33:07
practice Yeah amplifies yeah your day yeah and obviously people who are busy
33:13
you can do your exercise at different times but if you imagine each day and this is one of the things I support my
33:19
clients with you know and this you know win the morning win the day all of that great work that's out there so if you
33:26
start the day with some time yep for contemplation for reflection for prayer
33:34
for Stillness yeah and and move into your exercise whatever it might be you
33:40
know your workout your your run your walk what happens is you're already
33:45
starting to settle and get more in your body yeah because this busy mind and as
33:52
you say you've been able to use yours as a tool yeah so that my wife my wife says
33:58
I'm the tool but I'm not sure if that's the same thing um I've heard
34:06
that um so the thinking mind is a fantastic servant it's a terrible Master
34:14
right and that's what we're wanting we wanted to master you know as well as much as you master your physical
34:20
wellness it's mastering this beautiful tool we have called The Thinking mind and the way to do that is you just got
34:26
to just got to slow it down a little bit get a bit present that's why one of the first things I say to clients is if you
34:31
can get to Nature get to the park you know like you know in Montana when on a nice day when you're out in the
34:38
mountains you know that feeling is that's present it's like I'm fully present
34:46
there's energetically yeah when we connect with nature that's our Natural State and so then what happens is and
34:53
there's plenty of um literature about how to organize your day but from the inside
34:58
out a lot of people it's it's a the example I use it's a bit like there's two Wood Choppers yeah and they're going
35:06
into the forest in the morning yeah and there's a lot of trees you know Plantation recycled you know all
35:13
environmentally healthy [Laughter] trees and and they they got a busy day
35:20
think about your day yeah and they both go there they've got their Axe and one of the guys goes okay I gotta go I got a
35:28
lot of chopping to do chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop the other guy yeah he goes absolutely and every hour
35:35
he stops yep and he has a drink of water does a few stretches sharpens his axe
35:41
and then goes again so who do you think Kevin actually cuts down more trees yeah
35:47
the guy the second guy the one that has a sharper axe exactly exactly and our mind and our emotional state is our
35:55
axe y if you're just doing doing doing doing busy busy busy doing here's my to-do list Tabs are open interruptions
36:03
you may feel like you're super productive yeah but if you look at the other wood Chopper it's counter
36:11
conditioning because it's like hang on he's having a break every hour and doing closing his eyes for five minutes or you
36:17
know walking instead of sitting on his stool all day and and so that's all we're talking about is sharpening your
36:24
ax yeah your mental ax your physical ax your emotional ax and you will be more productive and it's not that difficult
36:30
it's just a paradigm shift does that kind of give you territory yeah yeah for sure I'm I'm
36:37
kind of a nap guy but I let my body tell me if I if I need a nap like I literally I'll sit in my chair and working on
Creating Stillness and Sharpening the Mind
36:43
something and my brain just says hey it's time to it's time to recharge and so and I'm one of those if I'm not
36:49
asleep in 60 to 90 seconds I'm not going to sleep so it's just like I I joke and there's a little guy that has an onoff
36:56
switch that you know turns it on and turn turns it off so when I lay down I know but then I'm up in 15 to 18 minutes
37:03
I'm ready to go and and you know fin finish up the day but I imagine so when
37:08
as you're describing this morning practice I kind of had this this vision of you um you know that that scene where
37:15
the sun's coming up I don't know where you surf is the sun is the are you Facing East all right so you're you're
37:21
in the East that sun's coming up you know you're sitting out on the board both feet over the board and the Still
37:28
Water and just really reflecting on what you're doing and in my vision you're super ripped just just so you know
37:36
but I'm not doing too bad but I I wouldn't say super ripped but that that kind of that kind
37:44
of imagery is something that came to mind for me because that is to me it's that you know it's that Stillness and
37:51
listening to the Stillness and listening to you know there's a biblical term that that calls listening to the that still
37:57
Small Voice and and in that it's you know you mentioned prayer and in that instance that biblical that Bible verse
38:04
is talking about listening to the voice of God and and really getting that connection with God but if that's not
38:11
your your slant and you know you're getting in touch with nature or the universe or whatever you happen to call it um when I try I love the I love the
38:20
ocean I'm jealous that you get to go to the ocean every day but I also love the
38:25
mountains so in the summertime like you described we we go on really hard hikes that are super steep but then
38:32
when we get to the top of the of you know we do switchbacks and we'll get to different sections and we just stop and
38:37
look over the valley you know we're we're eight n th000 feet high you know
38:42
we're out of breath but then just to take in that Majesty of what it what we're looking at especially is just that
38:50
that Stillness but there's some really practical stuff you can do right like if you can't you know if you can't go out
38:55
to the ocean and Surf and do all that stuff I do treadmill I actually sit in a little uh infrared sauna that I have
39:02
I'll I'll do cold plunge which is not you know can be reflected but it's also painful um but all all of these things
39:09
and taking walks in the summertime and so it's it's just figuring out I Journal a little bit and set kind of my task for
39:15
the day but it's all those little things right that so you have to figure out how to what's the best way to figure out
39:21
what works for you just fake it till you make it kind of thing yeah it's a good
39:26
point and you know that again the the saying of know thyself you know what what you're really
39:33
wanting to do is cultivate that relationship with yourself and so yeah the fake it till
39:39
you make it the the thing is one is if you're
39:45
committed to this yeah then it is a little bit of trying different things
39:51
you know what works for you the gym or home gym or sauna or yoga
39:56
yet the commitment is the key you're not shopping around you you see guys who do you know two weeks at the gym and go
40:02
that's not for me and then they do two week cycling and but they're not actually committed right yeah to really
40:09
you know having a closer relationship with themselves through their physical body their emotional body their mental
40:14
body and one of the simplest things and I think it was um I think it's Joe despenza who talks about it y um you
40:22
know the one way to slow the mind and train the mind is to train the body to just sit
40:29
still now for a lot of the listeners they're going to be like w that's super hard like that's exactly exactly yeah
40:37
and if you think about it it's actually physically so simple like if you get up in the morning
40:44
and you basically find a chair somewhere in your apartment or your house with no
40:50
phone no distractions and see if you can just sit
40:56
for five minutes and your monkey mind your ego
41:01
mind will kick and scream and I've got to do this and I've got to check my phone and what about this and what about that but it will start to slow down yeah
41:09
these 80,000 thoughts today it's like slowing a fast train down you don't jump in front of it and go stop right you
41:17
just got to lovingly gently start to slow it down so it's a really simple and
41:22
challenging process yet if you think about it I would say most listeners would have five
41:28
minutes where they could find somewhere to sit um and it's it's a GameChanger
41:37
because suddenly you start to go oh all of these thoughts are running my life
41:42
yeah and I say I want to get fit but I don't go to the gym and I say I love my wife but I'm doing you know 12 hours a
41:48
day so you start to notice and get connected with the deeper part of yourself yeah I I would guess that first
41:55
day of five minutes is could be torturous for some of us I've actually
42:00
been practicing I was listening to a podcast the other day and they talked about not getting on any kind of social
42:07
media for the first 90 minutes of your day yeah and it's a great practice I've
42:12
been working on it and also change my nighttime routine from a sleep standpoint you know lowering the lights
42:17
red lights blue blocking lights and all that stuff um but that that influx of
42:24
all that BS that the world is trying to serve us and trying to put into our
42:30
brain like just keep that out because at first thing in the morning literally that sets the tone for your brain for
42:36
the entire day um exact I think that's great just to just I love the idea of just sitting that's my my my friend does
42:44
that every morning for about a half an hour and just kind of sits he can he can see the sun come up in his in his house
42:49
and you know it's just I I need to practice more of that because my tendency is to get in the sauna and I'm
42:56
thinking about things and I'm thinking about what I have to do and all that stuff and so I need to again it's a mindset shift to really slow my brain
43:04
down which is it is a little bit like slowing down a runaway train um you know
43:09
so that that's a that's a good practice to do for sure yeah and any of the listeners if you've got a a park nearby
43:17
you know some some green space you know obviously don't all live in the mountains um you know sitting still in
43:23
your in your apartment or your house is a good start if you can you know get to the park and just taking a few breaths
43:30
you know these are just simple things and it's interesting because if you think about particularly as men like
43:37
when we meet the world when we get triggered by the world or when we get challenged by the world normally there
43:44
are three responses that um come up for us as men
Overcoming Reactivity, Distraction, and Repression
43:49
so one will be we'll we'll react y we'll react we'll want to blame
43:55
we get angry we want to you know the someone cut us off in the traffic or you know the kids aren't listening yeah the
44:01
second is we distract yeah and that's all we're doing with social media we want to distract
44:08
ourselves from the moment we react we distract or we repress yeah and a lot of the listeners
44:14
out there you know what it's like when you're repressing you kind of you collapse it's like I can't meet this
44:19
challenge I'm just going to go within yeah but you're not actually dealing with it you're repressing it and so for
44:26
me particularly this distraction which is so you know one of the big things when I work with couples the wives say
44:32
to me can you just get him off the phone just you know like come home from
44:37
work and they just you know it's a generalization it's like just go scrolling for 40 minutes on the phone
44:43
that's distraction from the moment and so for any of the listeners if you really want to live life fully
44:51
which is what purpose is all about yeah then it's about noticing yet
44:57
what your patterns are particularly distraction and when I talk about purpose you asked the question earlier
45:04
so purpose the reason particularly for men we're so interested in purpose is
45:09
we're trying to find meaning in our life yeah and you have your faith which
45:15
obviously provides you with a lot of meaning yeah and a lot of purpose the reason we want to find
45:22
meaning is our deepest desire is to fully experience
45:28
life yeah we want to we want to fully live this life yeah all of it the
45:33
feelings the messiness The Joy yeah and that again comes from the inside out a
45:40
lot of people say do what brings your joy what I say is bring joy to what you do you know bring joy because it you can
45:48
cultivate it from the inside out again if you get to know yourself you can bring joy as entrepreneurs I often talk
45:53
about the 8020 rule so the the 8020 rule in business is the most successful
Bringing Joy to What You Do
45:59
entrepreneurs spend 80% of their time with their superpowers their gifts where they add
46:04
the most value to their business and there's 20% of the time where there's stuff you got to do right but most
46:11
business owners it's the other way around they're spending 80% of their time in the staff chasing their tail
46:17
chopping chopping with a blunt axe yep and only 20% where they add the most
46:23
value whatever your superpowers are whatever your gifts are and so if you can start to notice that
46:29
and realize even for yourself correct me if I'm wrong there's you know there's 20% of the time where you've got to do
46:35
the invoicing or you've got to do the followup you can resist that and push it
46:41
off and avoid it and procrastinate or just go it's part of
46:46
business bring bring joy to the invoicing bring joy to the followup
46:52
cultivate it from the inside you'll be amazed those simple again those little moves like notice where you're resisting
46:58
as an entrepreneur or business owner and go this is just part of building a business you can't build a business without doing invoices right and if
47:04
you're if you're early on in your business you probably don't have the resources to have a
47:09
team does that make sense can you see how you can bring your energy to it instead of resisting it right and I
47:15
think that that's important because that same that same philosophy or ideology Works in marriage and relationships and
Applying the 80-20 Rule to Life
47:22
how you serve your community and how you serve yourself that 8020 rule is not you know it's not just for business right
47:28
it's it's those things that have to be I I I've used this term many times but it's the halfto versus the get toos and
47:36
so our Our Lives can be so filled with hat half toos and like by our own design
47:42
right like I you know I look around the yard and I'm like oh I got to do this this and this and this and my project hasn't been done or whatever versus I'd
47:49
love to go take a hike with my wife this morning instead of doing yard work right like those are that's a get to versus a
47:55
half to and really practicing in in that relationship and just in my own
48:00
enjoyment of force almost forcing myself to do the things that I actually want to
48:05
do which sounds really stupid and counterintuitive but it's almost like you have to force yourself to do the
48:11
things that you want to do yeah and it really is again it's you have that awareness you know you've got
48:17
a relationship with your choices one of the biggest shifts early on in the journey is a lot of people feel they
The Shift from Victim Mentality to Choice
48:24
don't have choice you know that victim mentality yeah it's that you know that
48:29
blame and that judgment I can't because I've got to do this for the wife I can't because I got to do this for the boss
48:34
and if you're in that victim yet mentality again it's not right or wrong
48:40
it's just exhausting it's not sustainable you know and one of the first places when you
48:47
start to notice the thinking mind as you realize I always have
48:52
Choice yeah you do have choice you have to you know you know whatever whatever
48:58
is in front of you and one of the things to know for all the listeners is when you look at the world there's only two
49:04
things you're ever going to see the way you want it to be or the way you think it should be and as soon as you go into
49:12
the shoulds yeah as soon as you go into trying to control the external World good
49:18
luck yeah you it's about accepting you know accepting this is the
49:23
way it is and I have Choice what do I choose now do I choose to you know keep leaning into my business do I choose to have a
49:30
conversation with my wife do I choose and so you know that subtle shift
49:35
because so many people try and control the external world if only the Mother-in-law would change yeah this
49:41
Christ This Christmas she's gonna change yeah I've just got to you know I just got to get her show up differently it's
49:47
like to change her entire personality for a one day right like exactly exactly
49:53
you know and we put so much energy into that that and so much self judgment and Judgment of other and blame and
49:59
resistance instead of going okay my mother-in-law is my mother-in-law yeah I have Choice here I
50:05
have Choice how much time I want to spend with her I have Choice how I respond to her you know Jud feedback how
Acceptance and Choice in Relationships
50:13
exactly exactly it's it's it's Common Sense yet it's a big shift for people just to know you actually always have
50:21
Choice it doesn't feel that way sometimes well and I've been using this phrase a lot um and telling the story so
50:28
if you've heard the podcast very many times you probably hear it again but there's this song in Christian music
50:33
that he says Dear younger me it's not your fault and I hate that song I hate that line the the song's good that line
50:40
is really stupid because I think to myself it probably is your fault almost 99% of the things that are
50:48
happening in your life right now are as a result of the decisions the actions
50:53
and the thoughts that you've had and things that you've done right and so but I say that and then I and then I
50:59
contrast it with the good news is is if it's your fault you're in control of
51:05
changing it and to and to facilitate change in the situation if it's not your fault and you're a victim which don't
51:12
get me wrong I do know that there I'm not an idiot there are situations when things happen to people that are beyond
51:18
their control ultimately um you know and but if it's your fault you can actually
51:24
change it my kids joke with me so when they call Mom they want encouragement
51:29
they want to be built up and all that and and both of the both them I have girls that are 26 and 24 and um and they
51:37
both call me for what we call Dad I need these stop being a little [ __ ]
51:46
talk and all that and what that means is hey you just need to do the things that
51:51
you already know that you're supposed to be doing because you you know school is not piling up on you because it just
51:58
that you have too much work school is piling up on you because you're not doing your homework and you're watching Netflix or playing on your phone you
52:05
know you have bad finances because you buy stuff you can't afford you know your car looks like crap because you won't go
52:11
clean it you know all these different things and so it comes down to that you know stop being a little [ __ ] and I
52:16
actually I actually talk about that with my own in my ownself to say hey this is you just need to do this and guess what
52:23
what's happening to you right now is as a result of the decision you made last week yeah yeah and again back to that
52:30
commitment um the other piece you know it it's not my fault or it is my fault
Taking Responsibility for Change
52:36
you know and it's it you know if you think about your journey of you know really loving
52:43
yourself and getting to know yourself one of the fundamental teachings of Christ is forgiveness yeah and self forgiveness so
52:51
forgiveness is to give up the judgment yeah to forgive Y and love is
53:00
forgiving and so any of the listeners who you know we've made mistakes yeah we've been inappropriate there's guilt
53:06
there's shame yet the the the way to move through that is to
53:12
fundamentally give up the self- Judgment acknowledge it recognize it yeah but if
53:18
you keep beating yourself up keep whacking yourself with it yeah then you're just going to stay in that place
53:24
that look of self-judgment self-critic victim and so it just reminded me of the
The Power of Self-Forgiveness
53:30
power of forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we've made acknowledging those feelings of guilt and shame and fear and
53:38
realizing we have choice we are the author of our life as men yeah what life
53:44
do you want to lead so just just reminding me I think that's a a nice little hook for people yeah I really
53:50
like that because you know with your example with with the Forgiveness of Christ there was was no judgment
53:56
attached to that and I think what's what's hard for us as people is that we always you know there's this whole
54:01
phrase right forgive but don't forget it's like no it's actually okay to forget you know you know it's okay to
54:08
forgive someone completely and that's the teaching of you know every forgiveness if you look from a Biblical
54:14
standpoint you know the woman at the well who had been married five times and was with a guy that wasn't her current
54:20
husband the prostitute in the square and all of these people that he that forgave
54:25
and this isn't you know we're not prizing or anything like this it's just a great example whether you believe in
54:31
in this or not but like that idea of forgiving with no judgment for other
54:37
people and for yourself I think is great someone explained the difference between guilt and shame to me shame is guilt is
54:43
something where you look at something that you've done and you want to change it shame actually says this is something
54:52
that's wrong for about me the the shame is an internal this is actually something is wrong with me and so that's
55:00
the difference so you can use guilt to say okay well I did that thing that was
55:05
wrong and I can fix that versus somehow shame is one of those things where you actually believe that this is something
55:11
wrong with yourself but I love the idea of of the Forgiveness without without the Judgment for sure yeah and it's see
55:19
again it's for giving giving up the judgment and yeah the shame guilt stuff guilt shame is you know it's like all
55:26
the things we've we've hidden in the cupboard Under the Stairs the parts of us that we've repressed and suppressed
55:32
and and as you say from that and I love that distinction is fundamentally I'm
55:37
wrong yeah yeah I'm I'm bad Y and yeah
55:42
guilt guilt the the reason we set up guilt is somewhere between our ears think about it for yourself Kevin is
55:49
there's the perfect Kevin you know the way you'd show up as a husband as a father as a as a business signer and
55:56
then sometimes you look in the mirror and go Ah that's not the perfect who the
56:02
hell is that g exactly and as soon as you as soon as you judge yourself
56:07
between the illusion of the perfect Kevin and the current reality that's where the guilt kicks
56:13
in yeah because the perfect Kevin wouldn't have said that the perfect Kevin wouldn't you know would have done
56:19
a workout the perfect Kevin wouldn't have said that to the Mother-in-law whatever it might be and so yeah it's
56:24
that again it's that Judgment of self as opposed to just acceptance and
56:29
going okay I'm at a mistake what do I choose now yeah I um I wrote down a note
56:35
here because this is something that's Central in all of your messaging and it's the name of your podcast and all that can you kind of Define what true
56:42
Freedom what this idea of true Freedom actually means and you kind of alluded it alluded to it early but I want to
Defining True Freedom
56:49
just revisit that and and so we can and I think this is a good place to kind of circle back and and bring this this all
56:55
all into one place yeah beautiful yeah the podcast is called true freedom for any of the listeners it's on all the
57:02
usual podcast Outlets so the two parts to Freedom yeah so again remember most
57:07
of us men it's essential driver the holy grow for us is freedom yeah that's what we're looking
57:14
for but most of us look outside ourselves particularly as young men in our 20s yeah we're searching you know we
57:21
go looking for it you know we again we go to India we go on a surf troop we you know we're looking for this elusive Holy
57:28
Grail until one day we wake up and go ah it was on the bedside table all along
57:34
right and that's when we start to do a bit of the inner inquiry bit of the self-reflection so the two key parts to
57:41
freedom and Christ taught this well is the first is freedom from
Freedom from Suffering
57:48
suffering so there's a difference between pain and suffering yeah so life is full of
57:54
painful experiences MH yeah but suffering is when we hang on to them
58:00
when we attach to them yeah we or we push away from them so the first um key
58:07
part of true freedom is how do I let go of the suffering yeah the second is that true
58:14
freedom is our natural state so if you think about your daughters when they were born what did you see Kevin what
Reconnecting with Natural State
58:22
did you experience when they were born yeah just that true love and intimacy and and just that like oh I can't
58:29
believe first of all I'm scared because I can't believe I'm responsible for this thing but just that like there there was
58:35
no there's almost like no thought process involved in in the love aspect
58:40
that you have for that child right like it's so natural and innate that it's not
58:46
like oh I now have to make a decision to love this child it's I just I just was
58:51
and I just did yeah exactly and did you see the innocence and love in that being yeah
58:58
100% yeah and that's in all of us I can see that in you Christ saw it
59:04
in everyone yeah that's what he taught our inate natural state is love and
59:11
innocence and it's been conditioned yeah it's been you know through our journey through our life through our childhood
59:17
but true freedom is remembering and reconnecting with that so if you can let go of the suffering and the resistance
59:23
to life and reconnect with your natural state of love and innocence as Christ
59:30
taught it's liberating freedom is Liberation yeah that's the journey that's the hero's journey and then we
59:36
can serve truly serve as Christ taught yeah bring out gifts bring our superpowers but not from the ego from
59:43
our Essence yeah and to be able to make those connections and you know altruism
59:50
or whatever and why do you think that so many men especi men especially why do
59:55
you think so many men can't do that right like it it's just it's it's it's
1:00:02
just like they don't they either don't know how they don't have the motivation their victim mentality is like maybe
1:00:08
that's all of those things but like it just seems like that most men are just
The Challenge for Men to Seek Help
1:00:13
lost I was talking to a person on an earlier podcast and I said hey I I look at my life and I'm content like I love
1:00:22
my life there are things about my life that I could do better or challenges I meet and all that kind of stuff but I
1:00:28
don't I don't have this deep longing to change everything or to change just a
1:00:34
majority of like I'm I'm a happy person I talk about I talked about my bucket
1:00:39
list and how I keep having to add new things to my bucket list because I keep doing all the things on my list and but
1:00:46
and I you know I truly want and that's one of the reasons and the motivations we started maxed out man was that I want
1:00:52
to teach other men how to feel that right why do you think so many men just
1:00:58
are are having such a difficult time you know I kind of have my own opinion but I'm I'm interested in yours absolutely
1:01:05
and the question I'd ask you Kevin then is who was the significant person in your life that saw you that encouraged
1:01:14
you that called you a part obviously your wife Michelle but was there anyone else like because often that's part of
1:01:21
the thread for men like yourself who found this place was there you know the only this is this is going to sound
1:01:28
really religious but in in my case like I grew up I started raising myself at seven my mom was drug addict she's a
1:01:36
alcoholic she would disappear for days at a time I was I had no adult supervision for like a week to two weeks
1:01:43
at a time um my dad my dad is not a strong Father Figure um and so I really
1:01:50
didn't have anybody to teach me those things I and and if I look back on my
1:01:55
life I actually think that you know God kind of looked down and thumped me on the forehead and said hey here's I'm
1:02:02
gonna I'm gonna give you these gifts and this mind and this heart and you continue to pursue these things you're
1:02:08
going to screw it up all over the place but here's some of the you know and and so like that's that again it sounds kind
1:02:15
of religious but I really feel like that that was my and I'm not talking about like oh I read my Bible for 60 minutes a
1:02:20
day and therefore I learned all these things about Christ and I made these decisions it's it's trial and error and
1:02:26
it's I always talk about taking the you know an entrepreneurial approach to life to where you try things you fail you try
1:02:34
those things again you make adjustments and and so that in my case and I you
1:02:40
know I don't wish that on anybody but in my case there actually wasn't one of those people so I hate to ruin your
1:02:45
answer but that was like in my case there really yeah what I'm hearing though is
1:02:50
that and it's similar journey to myself um what I'm hearing though is there was a willingness in you to inquire to
1:02:57
explore to ask for help to be to be vulnerable was that was that how you
1:03:02
cultivated in develop yeah and that's the point that to answer your question that's the point what I noticed with
1:03:08
most men even had it with a client recently somehow particularly in our
1:03:13
conditioning and culture and there are many threads to answer your question but one of the biggest things is we've been
1:03:21
conditioned that I don't feel like okay to ask for help I don't feel safe to ask
1:03:28
for help I've got to figure this out myself I'm supposed to have my [ __ ] sorted Y and you know this client who
1:03:34
was aware had done you know a lot of work on himself and he was in a bit of financial challenge with his business
1:03:42
and he said I just found it so hard to just ask for help and so of all the layers to answer
1:03:49
your question I think there's a there's a fundamental piece in a lot of men
1:03:55
we think we've got to have our stuff sorted we think we've got to have this mask of you know having it together we
1:04:01
think we've got to have all the answers for our wife for our kids you know and like your journey from a little boy
1:04:07
there was a part of you that knew you didn't have it all sorted you had to ask for help you had to learn you had to
1:04:13
inquire and and I think for any of the listeners that's one of the key
1:04:18
shifts yeah it's just to notice where you resist just asking for help who are
1:04:24
the men in your life you know who are the friends who are the mentors you know who's the the faith-based organization
1:04:31
that you're with or that you know but and I think so why so that that I would
1:04:37
say is a key thread why are we afraid to ask for help if you think about in in a
1:04:43
generalization the story we were told as little boys yep you know and all of the studies
1:04:50
now around that you know we were just taught that you know the the the expression of man up you know that we
1:04:57
were just taught that you got to have rub some dirt in it yeah you know like and that conditioning and that sort of
1:05:04
cultural um inability to ask for help yeah and you know the vulnerability
1:05:11
that comes with that and think about all of your the sporting analogies particularly in the US you think about
1:05:16
all that you know you got to man up you got to step up you got to you know deal with it the truth is we we all need help
1:05:24
at times we need a teacher we need a a friend we need a you know a guide you
1:05:29
know those sorts of things so I really think that's one of the fundamental shifts you is that ability to you know
1:05:38
just find you know particularly other men see if there's other men that you can just just talk to me what I want to
1:05:43
learn more about being a father I want to learn more about my business I want to learn more about my physical health
1:05:49
you know and we do it in some areas like physical health is a great area you'll see a lot of men who go yeah I want to
1:05:54
learn about getting fit I want to learn how to lift weights yeah I'll hire a personal trainer right yeah so yeah yeah
1:06:00
yeah if we could apply that to some of the other areas of our life and not think we got to have it all sorted that's a game changer yeah and it's you
1:06:07
know it's it's good because I've seen and you've seen this over the last 10 to 20 years right this idea of coaching and
1:06:13
group coaching and mentoring and all that especially in the men's space I think is becoming a safer space for that
1:06:19
we had a we had a three-day Workshop a couple of weeks ago that were 90 minutes each day and I frankly was amazed at the
1:06:26
stuff that these guys would share with perfect strangers that they literally
1:06:31
have not even said hello to on a webinar you know they're talking about their sex
1:06:36
addictions and the the stuff that's going on with their their marriage and how they're on the verge of divorcing
1:06:42
their wives even though they love them and you know things that they're dealing with with their emotional state and all
1:06:47
that like you know it if you don't have someone in your life to do that look for
1:06:53
coaching mentor touring and all that and sometimes it's paid and sometimes it's free and you know however that works
1:06:58
look look for that exposure um but I think that's a I think that's yeah I
1:07:04
think being open and honest and vulnerable and asking for help and the irony is always like if you know and
1:07:09
you've probably seen a cartoon or a meme or something where the guy's standing in quicksand and sinking and you know hey
1:07:17
it's you know I I don't need any help and you're down to your knees and I still don't need any help I can take
1:07:23
care of this myself and all of a sudden they're you know they're they're they're dead right they're they're completely
1:07:29
under the crck sand we would never allow that Mo most people would never allow
1:07:34
that to happen yet you can figuratively spiritually and emotionally allow that to happen to yourself as a as a man
1:07:40
especially all of us do it but it's like why we why we can't make that connection
1:07:46
between those two actions is um is something we all need to work on I
1:07:51
think and the point you mentioned is I don't think men aren't willing to be
1:07:57
vulnerable I think men need to feel safe to be vulnerable correct right 100% And
1:08:02
that's and that's the challenge and often that comes by being held and witnessed by other strong men yes yeah
1:08:09
like like your webinar like when we get together as men and I run you know group programs around the world when men are
1:08:16
witnessed and held Yeah by other men this is how we learn in traditional cultures around the campfire with men
1:08:23
right yeah then I feel safe I feel safe to share I feel safe to be vulnerable yeah and we
1:08:31
all did it as a tribe you know the Lone Wolf you know the heroes the hero in the movies The Lone Hero yeah it's actually
1:08:38
not the way it occurred it was always in tribe it was always in support the hero always had a mentor always had his
1:08:44
support team you know so yeah it's that that vulnerabil there find a place where
1:08:49
you feel safe I love it I love it well any other last parting advice for these men that
1:08:56
we're having an opportunity to reach into right now well remember inspiration or
1:09:01
desperation love that and part of part of you know your work my work is to inspire the listeners yeah and just to
Inspiration and Taking Action
1:09:09
make a move just make a move whether it's sitting silently for five minutes whether it's reaching out to a friend or
1:09:14
a mentor getting a coach yeah getting to know yourself going into nature and you
1:09:20
know we've got the the free course that I've that I've got here um
1:09:26
www.free minicourse decom and it's all about freedom and flow so if anyone's
1:09:32
called to this yeah you can get the course it teaches you some practices it gives you some of the distinctions and
1:09:39
at the end of the course there's an opportunity if anyone wants to reach out and just book a call if this is calling you if you you want an alignment call to
1:09:46
see where you're at who could I get support from you know reach out to myself reach out to you I'm sure because
1:09:53
you know our mission you talk a lot about Mission you know my mission is to support men to remember their
1:10:01
magnificence I love it I love first of all good domain name I love that I also love the fact that you refer to your
1:10:07
wife as your beloved that's amazing I call mine mine has two names either um
1:10:13
either my smoke show hot wife which is how she's in my phone um or my bride
1:10:20
I've Al I've I typically even in you know I do it on these podcast refer to as my wife but I almost always refer to
1:10:26
as my bride because that's the way that's that cherished moment when she's
1:10:31
walking down the aisle and I tried to remember that she was my bride and she she willingly gave herself to me for the
1:10:38
rest of my life and so that's the that language and I I I just I love the way that you say beloved I'll put those show
1:10:45
notes those those in the show notes um I really appreciate you coming on board if you want to if you want to find out more
1:10:51
about um max outman go to max out man.com like I said before we're on all the social medias just search for max
1:10:56
out man make sure you pick up uh and check out some of these other episode as well and I know the freedom uh true
1:11:02
Freedom podcast we'll put some links to that as well bod has that and just check out what he's got going on I love I love
1:11:08
the idea of getting a free little mini course you can look at that learn about flow um and everything that we talked
1:11:14
about here today so bod I really appreciate you man I'll have to um I'm not a surfer I've tried a couple of
1:11:20
times but I'll have to I'll have to come down under and uh let you teach out of surf and we can sit out there like we're
1:11:25
on Point Break the movie and you know and look in look into the sunrise so I
1:11:31
appreciate you man yeah I appreciate you thank you and all the listeners yeah um
1:11:36
yeah it's been lovely to connect Kevin if you're looking to really maximize your life and become the man you were
1:11:42
made to be head over to maxed out man.com and get your journey started
1:11:48
[Music] today