Episode 38 - Divine Disruption & Building a Family Legacy - Jody Sedrick

In this conversation, Kevin Davis interviews Jody Sedrick, CEO of Zenware and host of the Father's Fire podcast. They discuss Jody's career journey, the importance of supportive spouses, and the universal struggles of fatherhood. Jody shares his motivation for starting the Father's Fire podcast and the impact it has had on his own life. They also delve into the topic of adoption and Jody's personal experience adopting two children from Haiti. Throughout the conversation, they emphasize the importance of nuclear families and the challenges and adjustments that come with adoption. In this conversation, Jody Sedrick discusses the challenges and rewards of adoption. He shares heart-wrenching stories of adoptive parents and their children, highlighting the importance of love and trust in the adoption process. Jody emphasizes the need for purposeful parenting and creating an environment where children can work through their personal trauma and emotions. He also discusses the importance of building trust through shared experiences and allowing children to discover their own identities. Jody emphasizes the significance of prioritizing the relationship with your spouse as the foundation of the family.

Takeaways

• Love is hard and is not truly tested until it goes through the furnace of adversity.
• Building trust is one of the biggest challenges in adoption and parenting.
• Recognize that adopted children come from broken situations and may be on high alert and defensive.
• Allow children space to figure out who they are and embrace the process of growth and discovery.
• Prioritize the relationship with your spouse as the foundation of the family.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Technical Difficulties

01:23 Background and Introduction to Jody Sedrick

03:19 Jody's Career Journey

08:21 Similarities in Kevin and Jody's Life Paths

09:51 Entrepreneurial Mindset and Risk-Taking

11:27 The Importance of Supportive Spouses

17:29 Father's Fire Podcast and the Importance of Fatherhood

21:52 Universal Struggles of Fatherhood

25:20 The Importance of Nuclear Families

32:44 Jody's Adoption Journey

43:48 Challenges and Adjustments of Adoption

47:13 The Challenges of Adoption

48:15 Love is Hard

49:09 Creating an Environment of Love and Trust

52:09 Recognizing the Brokenness in Adopted Children

53:30 Building Trust through Shared Experiences

54:55 The Process of Connection

56:33 Allowing Children to Discover Themselves

57:49 The Importance of Being a Guiding Post

59:15 Treating Your Spouse as Preeminent

01:04:06 The Foundation of Family

About Jody:

Jody Sedrick, Co-Founder of Zenware and Co-Creator of RoadFS, is a leading figure in the detailing industry. Renowned for his award-winning podcasts, including The RoadFS Podcast, Father's Fire, and Into The Grey, Jody combines industry expertise with a passion for personal growth. As an advocate for success in both business and life, he empowers professionals to excel through his dedication to the detailing industry. Jody is also the author of "Learn To Dance With the Currents Of Life - When You Feel Like Drowning," a profound guide offering valuable wisdom and strategies. Join Jody for a unique blend of industry insights, heartfelt motivation, and genuine support for personal and professional flourishing.

To learn more about Maxed Out Man and to maximize your potential, visit www.maxedoutman.com or connect with us on Social Media:

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to maxed out man helping you

0:06

become the man you were made to be hey guys this is Kevin Davis from the

0:11

max out man podcast this is episode number 38 and I am here with Jody Cedric who is a good friend of mine we had an

0:17

opportunity to do a podcast about a week ago on his father's fire podcast he also

0:23

does a podcast for Road FS he is the CEO of Mobility software and Road FS uh

0:31

sorry CEO of what's the name of your company zenware is the name of the

0:37

company man I and we have a product product called Road FS I am struggling

0:43

guys this morning you know talk about telling the truth on these podcast technical issues uh I have not had

0:49

enough of my uh Amino Energy caffeine drink this morning so uh Jody

0:56

Cedric thank you very much for being here I will let you tell your story because clearly I'm not doing a very

1:02

good job of it this morning so I appreciate you taking the time and being here uh you know what if you can't laugh

1:07

at yourself from what's a point well I've done I've done like 70 or 80 of these now on different podcasts you

1:15

think I would know a little bit more about what I'm doing but obviously I'm still making this crap up as I go along

1:21

you know what I've done 240 of Father's fire and there's still

1:26

inevitably something that's happened so well hey tell us a little bit about who

1:32

you are and what you do and and uh you know I'm more and just uh I'm I'm super interested in your story we've had an

1:38

opportunity to visit quite a few times and follow each other on social yeah so uh I am the proud husband

1:46

of a beautiful wife uh we've been married almost 35 years in February uh

1:52

we have six beautiful kids four of which Judy and I had together and then God

1:57

brought us two more via the adoption and uh so we have a nice uh

2:03

rainbow colored family our two kids are from Haiti and my wife's Filipina and uh

2:10

so yeah my kids are very proud to be half Filipino and leaning towards the Filipino

2:16

side so and then uh I um have a software company as you said zenware we have a

2:23

product called roest which is a mobile service application uh geared I mean not

2:29

only for the automotive industry which you and I play in but also for other

2:34

Industries and we also have another product called Harvest point that is geared towards the agricultural space uh

2:42

where we track the food from the time it was picked all the way to the pack house and so yeah we do a lot of different Uh

2:50

custom software development projects for people they come to us with ideas um we

2:55

have a patient EMR system we have I mean just a whole bunch of them so um keeps

3:01

us pretty busy and as that is you know I want to talk more about uh fatherhood

3:06

and all that too but I'm interested on the is that something that you went to school for is that something you you

3:12

kind of learned I saw I saw on your Facebook profile that you study you study Spanish uh which I think is

3:19

interesting I've actually been trying to learn Spanish my daughter spent six week six months in Costa Rica at a Spanish

3:25

immersion school and um you know I've got my b app out working a little bit

3:31

here and there but you that that's a that's an interesting and good skill to have but yeah no I I um I actually

3:39

started out when I was younger excuse me I wanted to be a Navy pilot but they

3:45

wouldn't let me fly because of my eyes um and they um was this after watching

3:50

Top Gun no that was dude you got to remember I I graduated in 83 so oh

3:57

you're about you're about you're about N9 years years ahead of me I I all of my friends we were in high school when Top

4:03

Gun came out the first one and I mean it was like everybody wanted to go be a Navy pilot and what's funny is that one

4:08

of my good friends is actually he became a a jet fighter pilot which is you know

4:15

ironic but anyway yeah when when I when I was 12 um well from 8 to 13 we my dad

4:23

was stationed in Pensacola where the Blue Angels train and one of the pilot

4:30

of the Blue Angels was actually in our church and he spent a lot of time with

4:36

us young boys and I just had mad mad respect for him he drew he drove a Trans

4:42

Am I mean he was just the ultimate cool right and and I really I really looked

4:48

up to him and when I went to when I turned 18 I'm like all right you know I want to go on a mission but I want to go

4:54

and talk to the Navy recruiters and they're like dude you have no hope right

4:59

you're back then they wouldn't let you fly with corrected vision and so I'm like ah you know and they're like well

5:06

you know you tested really high on the language test you should go be a

5:12

translator I'm like dude if I'm not fine I don't want to go in the Navy so my

5:19

other interest was I was as a kid I was really

5:24

infatuated with oldtime radio um I am a big fan of C BS Radio Mystery Theater

5:31

all of those old shows I love them right so I actually went into radio for about 10 years um was a dis jocky music

5:39

director in San Francisco the Bay Area kind of all around and in the in the

5:46

mid90s radio became really hot um property I mean it was moving hands in

5:53

fact in one year I was at three different stations in the same building

6:00

and I'm like yeah I don't know if I want this kind of volatility in my life so um Judy and

6:09

I went to Arizona I was going to go to flight school that was a disaster because we with we took a big leap to

6:18

Tucson and uh didn't really do any research and it was like in the worst depression of Tucson I couldn't get a

6:25

job and so we ended up coming to boy iido cuz our our first married friends

6:31

moved here and I'm like you know what I'm going to go study Spanish so that's when I I got a degree in Spanish and

6:40

while I was in college my buddy that we that said hey come move doido he's like

6:45

he was really into computers he goes we should start a computer magazine I'm like dude I don't like computers I don't

6:54

want to have nothing to do with computers he goes yeah but you're a good sales guy you could be over marketing

7:01

and so that's how I got pulled into it so I we started this little business I was out doing ad sales and marketing the

7:09

problem is is three four weeks into it the third partner quit and my poor other

7:14

guy Dave was left building the magazine doing all the layout and graphic design

7:20

by himself so by necessity I learned and then this crazy thing called

7:27

the internet came about around that same time so I started dabbling in web design

7:33

and 30 years later 20 years later I'm in

7:38

computers that that's crazy it's funny because our it's always interesting to

7:44

me because I'll meet different people uh or I have known different people that

7:50

I'm I'm you know friends with acquainted with and then I start to hear their

7:55

stories and I I realize how closely are the stories will line up in certain ways

8:01

and I don't know if that's a God thing or that's just like these are kind of the it steers us towards these decisions

8:07

because of our interest and our makeup and all that but you know I've lived in Arizona I I worked in my degrees and

8:15

exercise physiology and then I have a second one in business and then I went to work for a software company out east

8:22

a startup back in the doc days and then from there I opened my own web

8:27

development company which I still own and had since 1999 and so it's like this we actually

8:33

lived in Pocatello Idaho the other side of the state and now I live in Montana and and so and it's we're you know it's

8:41

funny how these paths can cross a and how those you know how how life kind of

8:47

takes you in those different in those different directions right yeah it it's

8:52

it's been a crazy Journey but you know I I just live and and I've always been

8:57

kind of like you I'm kind of more entrepreneurial minded so I tend to be willing to put it all on

9:05

the table or jump you know and and I'll build the parachute as it goes right I'm

9:11

I'm I I'm very I'm very willing to jump on an intuition where a lot of people

9:19

are like uh let's build some pieces before right and that's served me well

9:25

but it's also put me you know where I've lost bit but I've also one big too so I

9:31

you know I'm willing to put it on the table Yeah and is I mean you know they talk about entrepreneurs being um you

9:38

know they they have a high degree of tolerance for risk but wi which is kind

9:44

of what you're describing are you I tend to be that way but also I I always try

9:50

to look at the at the grand scheme from a risk mitigation standpoint yeah I'm

9:56

not that guy and you're not that guy no and and that's why that's why it's good

10:02

that I have Rod as my partner right rod rod is very I will come up with these

10:08

ideas and he'll go whoa whoa whoa whoa dude let's not jump yet Lance kind of

10:14

figure things out right and I mean that that balance is really good for me but

10:21

on the flip side my risk taking is good for him because I will push him in areas

10:28

that he probably wouldn't do it and so it's a good balance but I still probably would take

10:35

more risk than if he wasn't my partner um and that's that's just the reality of

10:41

who I am right I'm just I'm willing to build it right I'm willing to jump off the cliff yeah and you I mean you need I

10:49

mean literally you need both of those especially in business and and um you

10:55

know actually in a marriage I'm curious because my wife I've been self-employed

11:00

like I said since 98 99 so I've been married 28 years so most of our you know

11:06

24 of the 28 years that I've been married we've did you say you got married in 89 I got married in 95

11:14

actually oh okay yeah so we we got married in 95 and by 98 99 I had already

11:19

started my first business so um Michelle my wife grew up with a father who was a

11:27

firefighter uh in La at that time they had a great retirement so he did his 20 years he did not want to move up into

11:35

you know to be a captain or whatever he just he just wanted to be what he wanted to be I want to be a figh so like Azie

11:42

and Harriet very low risk her mom is a super worrier about literally everything

11:48

which you know has its own things but I'm you know so Michelle is very risk

11:54

averse like she's very you know makes is is Judy that way which you know you know because that can that can cause us some

12:02

issues over time yeah no my my wife's she she's been willing to take the risk

12:08

with me you know it's interesting because before we started um zenware

12:14

roofs we actually worked at another software company that went through three

12:20

rounds of investment and by the time the third round of in and I actually was

12:26

over there national sales I managed a team of six Across the Nation and we

12:31

built that company from TW our first sale of $29 to about a $6 million a year

12:37

company and by the time the third round of investment came around I just was

12:43

burnt out right and the CEO came in from New York right and and I'll never forget

12:51

I was I was on a phone call and I had it on speaker and he was

12:58

you could tell he was being really impatient right and

13:03

um and then when I got done he came back and and he he said hey I'd like to talk

13:09

to you so I go into his office he's like well you know what

13:14

um uh he's like I've to let the entire software development team go I'm like

13:23

what he goes I go wait a sec and um he's

13:30

like he goes yeah you know we're going to do some restructure I go wait a sec you just let the entire development team

13:38

go of the product that I sell so what am I to sell and he goes well that's not your

13:45

concern you just sell what I have I go whoa whoa whoa whoa I go the thing that you got to understand about me is if I

13:53

understand your vision I'm all in dude I I've rallied everybody in this company I

13:59

will rally everybody around you if I tie into your vision and he goes that's not your concern your concern is to sell

14:07

what we have and to make the company money and dude I just I went home really

14:13

just frustrated and disheartened right because I'd already been this was already the third round but I was also

14:20

kind of hopeful as I tend to be and I went home and I'm talking to Judy about it and and uh just kind of venting she

14:28

goes just do it I go what just do what she goes go start your business you've been talking about it for the last year

14:35

and a half you guys go start a business and uh so I went in the next morning and

14:41

I gave my two weeks notice and he goes what you're quitting I go yeah I go you have no vision you can't articulate it

14:48

the only Vision I see is that you're cutting everybody's legs out from under them and I can't buy into

14:55

that and the ironic thing was at the same time I was having that conversation

15:01

the the VP of sales went over to my lead sales guy and told them that they were going to let me go and and he goes dude

15:09

you're freaking crazy he goes you you don't understand

15:14

the amount of sales that Jody's brought into this company you're you're that you're making a huge mistake so

15:20

literally me and the vpa sales literally cross past as I'm going back to my office and he goes and I learned this

15:28

after the fact he goes uh we need to rethink letting him go he goes well he already quit yeah nice so so yeah so I

15:37

uh went from a high figure six figure salary to

15:43

zero been there and O and overnight and you know and went n nine months without

15:51

a paycheck and just started building out of my kitchen and Judy was a big

15:57

supporter of that she's like we'll figure it out so yeah long story to a short answer no I mean I think that's I

16:04

I love that because I I said it in a way that would indicate that Michelle is not that way she just comes at it from a

16:10

more oh crap how are we going to do this but I still support you standpoint then

16:15

like hey I'm I'm all I'm all in let's make this let's figure out a way to make this happen so I I think with my

16:22

adventures and my because I own 12 Brands and we've been through multiple we've been we've been through multiple

16:29

you know we've had years where we've made multiple six figures we've had years where we've made negative five

16:34

figures or six figures so it's like you know so she's been up and down and and

16:40

over the years you know she's gotten uh used to it but believe you know the great thing about wives that are that

16:48

way is that you always have that security that someone values what you're

16:53

trying to do for your family I think yeah yeah and and that's really really important I mean I always felt you know

17:01

and I still feel JD's always got her back um she's like all right we'll figure it out you know what she's always

17:07

like we'll figure it out just yeah just keep working we'll figure it out so well

17:13

so tell me about your father's fire podcast um I I love what you do there

17:18

I've kind of been you know PE I had an opportunity to be on it which was cool and and I've seen some of your guests

17:23

and your topics and and uh it it's it's a really cool very specific specific

17:28

kind of podcast that I think is really feeding into a lot of people yeah you know I I started the podcast a little

17:36

over three years ago and and the impetus for creating the

17:42

podcast was I was listening to another podcast where these two gentlemen were

17:47

talking about their horrible experiences or lack of experience with their with

17:53

their dad and I'm listening to this this

17:59

podcast and I'm thinking about the narrative that we

18:04

consistently hear about dads are dead beats they're absent they're abusive

18:11

they work too much and I'm like dude that was not my experience as a father as a kid right I

18:20

had a dad I'm the oldest of eight kids had a very involved Dad yes he was very

18:26

demanding because he was in the Navy and he you know he had a bit of a temper but well you got you got eight kids you

18:32

can't have chaos if you've got eight children in the house we were very regimented I mean I was saluting it too

18:40

right and but my dad was we were very poor family but he was very invested in

18:48

him and my mom were very invested in our family and so I had a great role model

18:54

as a dad and so I'm listening to this and I'm like man there's got to be a voice for uh for dads who are

19:02

trying right and I'm trying to be a good dad I have six kids and have so many

19:07

experiences that I can tell out of my own experience as well as my experience with my dad so that's how I

19:14

started the the podcast was just talking about my experiences with my dad lessons

19:20

that I'd learned things that I saw lessons that I learned through the adoption process um and then I'm like

19:27

you know what I'm going to start interviewing other men who I see are

19:32

trying to be good Fathers so I specifically said all right God show me men who are trying and I don't care what

19:39

their backgrounds are so I've interviewed men in in Scotland and all

19:45

AC in Mexico and all backgrounds right I have a really good friend out of Detroit

19:50

he's been on my podcast and he runs a program called involved dad that I help him with and it's just been amazing

19:57

because we I've had so many just deep deep

20:05

conversations about addiction about abuse about neglect about the whole that

20:13

a father can put in somebody's heart because they're absent or they're abusive but also the

20:22

role that a dad can have in like launching you to incredible Heights

20:28

right and so what I've seen is that we're all trying to figure it out we

20:34

don't there's no playbook for being a dad right and we're all trying to figure

20:40

it out but I think we haven't created a safe space for men to talk

20:46

about their doubts their struggles their internal battles whether that's just self-doubt

20:54

whether it's addiction whether it's you know the trauma from being a kid kid um

20:59

you know and so I've just tried to have create a space where we can have those kind of dialogues and dude every podcast

21:07

I learn something something touches my heart that's uh yeah I mean I think

21:12

that's awesome I like the way that you presented as we're all kind of making this thing up and and doing our best and

21:18

and trying is is something that you know that we all do I'm curious as you talk

21:24

to different people from different different men from different cultures do you find the same kind of struggles

21:31

and issues and all that do you find those Universal it's

21:36

Universal it it is absolutely Universal um every every man that I have

21:44

talked to needs has needed their dad in their life

21:52

and their dad has either been a whole in their heart or has been like in your

21:58

words from our thing a launching pad for their their life and when you don't have

22:06

that that influence of a dad throughout your life men really struggle they

22:12

really struggle to to find their identity to find a role model to try to

22:18

figure out how to be a man how to be a dad how to be a husband right because

22:23

they haven't seen they haven't had a model to emulate and they really

22:29

struggle but they they have this internal desire to become what they didn't have

22:36

and they're trying to piece it out and so a lot of the men that I've seen that haven't had a good father model is they

22:44

try to piece it together from different men that come into their lives whether

22:49

it's a coach or a professor or you know some kind of Mentor I mean that or somebody in their church right they they

22:56

try to piece these things together and what I found too is on the flip side

23:03

men that had that good role model they they they still struggle

23:10

right because but they struggle with different things you know and so but I

23:16

think it's Universal I mean I think we're all I think we all inherently want to be good men we all inherently want to

23:23

be good Fathers and we don't necessarily have all of the pieces and that's okay

23:31

yeah it's it's kind of like I just had this th thought of you know somebody in a foxhole that is trying to assemble a

23:39

rifle made uh and running around the Foxhole trying to pick up all the pieces they need and not necessarily finding

23:45

all the pieces they need because they need to do battle because really fatherhood is a bit of a battle with the

23:52

world and you know trying to especially now with our society and I think this has been the case if if you look at even

23:59

you know 90s sitcoms the dad is the bumbling idiot um you know makes

24:04

mistakes all the time is not very smart is is weak you know and I think that's

24:09

even over time has gotten even worse so even like a pop culture um model is is the opposite you

24:18

know I I made a statement somebody posted a picture on Facebook and they literally had the dad that was throwing

24:23

the kid up in the air in the in the swimming pool and I made the statement on that I said hey you know and this I

24:30

said something like this is why we need dads in kids' lives that simple

24:35

statement I got like three comments that said well it's not just Dads Moms are

24:41

important and what about yeah what about moms that are married to other moms you know all this I'm like dude all I was

24:48

saying is that you need a father to be there to do things that most moms don't

24:54

because you know and I was amazed I ended up having to just delete the comment because I was like this is a

25:01

ridiculous conversation yeah well and it and it shows that we have undermined the role

25:09

of men as fathers and we and and it's sad right

25:16

and and I and I'm a big believer that one of the critical things of any society is the

25:23

strength of the family and when you have a father and a mother in the home and

25:29

they're unified and they're driven by purpose around their family you get a

25:34

better stronger Society right and and I get it right we have so many single moms

25:41

we have so many single dads so we've really tried to shore them up and bolster them up and yes you can do this

25:48

but the reality of the situation is what we really need is a father and a mother

25:54

in the home to create a foundation for these families do the others work yes

26:00

but I'm telling you they are working like they're a three-legged stool MH there's a core piece missing and they're

26:08

trying to play both and I know it's not politically correct

26:13

to say this but they can't ideally fulfill both they can try

26:18

and they do a great job of trying to fill the pieces in but it's not the same

26:24

no I mean we are you know men have innate innate char istics as fathers

26:30

that we we bring to the table when we're raising children that you know women

26:36

like you said Can can simulate that and this is not a not and you know and and

26:42

I'm going to keep going with this but um they can't duplicate that and especially

26:48

a father that is committed and Earnest and and wanting to make a difference in

26:53

their family's lives and on the same thing if you have a single dad

26:59

they cannot by by very nature of who we were made to be

27:05

cannot duplicate the mom's role in a kid's lives it's just I mean you know

27:11

you've been married for a long time I've been married for a long time so we've had that you know more traditional

27:16

complete what I would call complete nuclear family um and so you see just

27:22

throughout that like you know we had a we had a kid that is I have a kid that's bipolar and she kind of has you know had

27:30

those behaviors from the time she was a a little kid she had night tears at at

27:35

18 months and we used to have to put her in the middle of the room wrap her around pillows and honest we we kind of

27:43

thought she was possessed on a couple of these oh jeez on because it was like we

27:49

could not restrain this child and so that kind of behavior went through you know has gone

27:55

through her life she's she's got things under control now as an adult but I tend

28:01

to be much more hard on that and really not knowing how to have that softer

28:06

caring calming side to myself and so I Michelle would say hey look you're just

28:13

you got to leave the room you know you you got to get out and to do that whereas and then on certain cases she

28:21

you know I'm I we have this picture of of my daughter in a little jumpsuit like

28:27

a like a tank person's jumpsuit mechanic's jumpsuit we were actually out

28:32

changing the oil when she was probably around that same time actually 16 17 months and so I taught her how to change

28:40

oil on a hot rod at that you she's got oil all over herself you know she's

28:45

she's using the tools and all this stuff and and that's something that like that's a very special memory and a

28:51

special moment in her life not that women don't change oil I live in a world

28:56

full of aut Automotive welding yes trades trades women only so like don't

29:04

think I'm some you know some misogynist out here saying that that doesn't exist but I'm saying that you need these

29:10

different roles in order to have a complete like you said it's not a three-legged stool you need a

29:15

four-legged stool in order to be a complete situation hey guys thanks for

29:21

listening this episode I hope you're enjoying it and learning a lot if you're looking for extra help don't forget that

29:26

I do offer one on one coaching we can talk through a ton of different issues I can give you guides guidelines and

29:33

logistical help to help you take that next step or go to that next level in some of the things that you're dealing

29:38

with in your life we also have some course content some guides uh and a lot of educational materials over at maxed

29:46

out man.com for the coaching go ahead and go to maxed out man.com coaching and you can learn about that and then just

29:52

go to maxed out man.com for everything else thanks for joining us now back to the episode yeah

29:58

yeah it just it just makes a huge difference and you know it's like you pointed out my wife she

30:05

tempers the beast in me right because because I can be demanding I can be very

30:11

forthright you know and sometimes you need a gentler touch and Judy and I have

30:17

had to tag team back and forth it's like all right it's time for you to step away or it's time for you to step in

30:24

and I you know I've been very blessed to have that and my heart aches for men and

30:30

women that don't have that partner that they can do that and dude shout out and

30:36

kudos to them for doing everything they do but I just see in my experience both

30:43

in working with families and my own family I just see that there's so much

30:49

benefit to having you know that more of a nuclear family setup it it just in the

30:55

long term it's so much more beneficial especially when it's healthy yeah a

31:01

healthy that's a good one for sure dude you can have a nuclear family that's

31:06

worse than being a single mom or a single dad 100% yeah and you know and

31:12

and that's not don't misinterpret my words that are you know those that are listening that I actually grew up with a

31:18

single mom um unfortunately my mom has drug addiction alcoholism and so I

31:25

pretty much started raising myself at six or seven and I've talked about on the podcast before slightly but you know

31:30

that the single mothers and single fathers out there are just doing the absolute best that they can and and

31:36

honestly trying trying to trying to make a life for the kids and and provide for

31:41

them emotionally and spiritually and financially and and you know give that security so it's I I don't I can't

31:47

imagine trying to do it myself um but statistically even if you look at the

31:53

statistics it shows very definitively that as the nuclear family began to

32:01

disintegrate as you know as we got more into what I would call a divorce

32:06

friendly society that that all of these issues started to become more prevalent

32:12

you know you've got crime and teenage teenage pregnancy and drug addiction and

32:18

like all of those numbers went up it's a it's and it's not a correlation versus

32:23

causality it's pretty much a causality situation yeah I agreee 100% so tell me about this

32:34

adoption I think that you you were in a unique position on this podcast because I I don't know you know we actually just

32:41

had a had a family in our church that adopted a a little baby A little girl

32:47

but it was it was in the United States and so you know it's still a process they had about 6 hours notice to fly out

32:54

to Texas from Montana and go get this baby um you know and so it was it was a

32:59

different process but tell me take me through like how you were LED down this

33:05

path to adopt having you know because a lot of times you kind of hear oh well you know we're not able to have children

33:11

naturally and so we want to adopt and all this but like you had a pretty big you had you had a pretty full duffel bag

33:18

of kids already and then you and then you made the decision to do this so I I'd love to learn more about that

33:24

process and kind of the ups and downs and and kind of what led you down that road and and just everything around it

33:30

honestly I'm super curious yeah you know when when Judy and I first got married

33:36

we we always intended that we were going to have our own kids but in the back of our hearts and Minds we kind of knew

33:43

that we would either Foster or adopt down the road right so we were always kind of open to it um and then

33:52

um in about 2008 um my wife got invited to go to

33:59

Haiti on this trip with one of our friends in our Ward she was actually her

34:05

family was actually um going through the adoption process but they would go down

34:11

there every six months and they invited Judy to go and they would go and volunteer in the in the orphanage and so

34:18

Judy would go they would weigh the babies take care of them for a week you know check on the progress you know

34:25

figure out what foods and supplies they needed the orphanage and just it was a great time Judy went there like three

34:31

times like every every six months she would go and my son actually ended up

34:37

going on one of the trips as well and that's a completely different story I mean that that completely changed his

34:43

life but I remember we she was going on a trip in

34:50

in October and um the Sunday before she was

34:56

supposed to leave leave on this trip on Monday she she woke up and she had a dream and in the dream she went to Haiti

35:04

and um she met this little girl that was just a little chatter box following

35:10

around wouldn't to leave her alone and and uh long story short you know she

35:16

woke up and uh she told me about this dream and I said you know if if the

35:21

dream plays out then I guess we're bringing a kid home right and she goes and

35:28

she goes you know but I think there's there wasn't a boy in the dream but I think there's a boy as well I'm like

35:34

okay well whatever so um and the and and

35:39

I want to be sensitive because it was her dream right but um on Thursday that

35:46

week she calls me up and she said um she just crying she's in tears and she goes

35:53

I go what's up she goes I found her I go what do you mean she goes well remember that little girl my dream well

36:00

today um I met this little girl she followed me all around and um the piece

36:07

that was significant about her dream was in the dream at the end of the day she

36:13

brought um the girl back and she asked her her name and um the lady said

36:20

something like ner or Nero or noodle she

36:26

goes I couldn't I couldn't get the name right and um she goes so at the end of

36:31

the day today I brought this little girl back and I asked her the name and they said Well her name's CA she goes no

36:37

that's not right she goes what's her name she goes Well her name's ccha Nal

36:42

loose oh wow

36:48

and now the Divine just said on her heart and she goes I found her and so

36:54

I'm all right all right so I started the process while she was still waiting I'm like I

37:00

started making all these calls and when she got back um we started going through the background checks and the

37:06

fingerprints and all that stuff right and we're about two three weeks out from

37:12

that experience and the orphanage calls us and said hey um since you has a

37:19

brother that just got dropped off at the orphanage do you want

37:25

him so we're like yeah sure um so we were in the adoption process

37:34

for um two years and we were stuck in the first of four government

37:43

agencies um and the the the person Haitian government Haitian government

37:50

and he's like look he goes I could speed the process up he goes but he goes I I'm

37:56

trying to stop the corruption in our country so I won't bribe I won't go around the system and I know it takes

38:03

longer but I'm not going to to bend to the process I'm trying to make it better

38:09

here in our country and I'm like okay I can respect that you know and so we would go and we would go on these trips

38:16

and visit the kids and come back and that that had you know I kind of have

38:21

mixed emotions about that um going there and coming back and um but but

38:29

eventually the the earthquake hit the big one and they're like all right be

38:37

all of the because there was such a humanitarian crisis going on they

38:44

expedited all of the adoption for the children that were currently in the

38:50

process in America Canada France and they basically took all of these kids

38:55

that were in the adoption process and expedited and got them out of the country in an effort to to relieve the

39:04

chaos that was going on in Haiti so literally they called us up on a Monday and they said you need to be here in

39:10

Miami on Friday to pick up your kids wow so we had to move rooms we had to get

39:17

beds we had to get furniture we had to get clothes we had to get airports and

39:22

and hotels and and I'm telling you man um God just opened up the door people

39:29

donated hotel rooms people donated airplane tickets I mean we had beds and

39:36

I mean it just all came together but it was sheer

39:42

chaos and uh so we uh flew to Miami and

39:48

um went into this little I don't even know what it was kind of this Health and

39:54

Welfare kind of little Hut and we go in and we waited they brought the kids in

40:01

and we took them to a hotel stay overnight and flew them

40:06

home and I'll never there was a really impactful

40:11

moment um actually there were a couple but one

40:16

that just really struck my heart we got on the plane and as

40:23

we're Landing in boisee um our son

40:28

Ashton was at the window looking out and I could see in that moment here

40:36

was this little boy 9 years old and he's just been put on a

40:44

plane he's going to a place with two complete strangers

40:50

really and he's going to a place that he's never been before and the look

40:58

of just fear concern what's going on just it it just stays in my heart

41:07

right and in that moment I'm like all right you know I have a big job

41:14

here because I'm dealing with a kid that's got a lot of

41:19

internal emotions going on that I he

41:24

can't even process he can't even articulate and somehow I got to figure

41:29

out how to be a bridge um to this and a whole journey

41:36

of um creating trust and creating a bond

41:41

it was a big big process um and it's

41:48

taken not weeks not months it's taken years to kind of work through that and I

41:54

think a lot of times people have this idea and and I get it

42:00

right um adoption is a very beautiful thing but you're you're bringing kids

42:07

into your home even as infants that in some ways have had broken

42:15

experiences I mean you think about an infant that is from that is an unwanted

42:21

pregnancy MH a a mother that wants

42:26

child if you watch them they will take their hands and they will caress their

42:33

belly and they will pull up and in that baby into their heart right

42:40

whereas a mother that has an unwanted child or unexpected child tends to push

42:46

away and so even in infants you can still have reactive attachment disorder

42:53

and that's a very real thing and so hey hey guys thanks for listening to this episode I hope you're enjoying it and

42:58

learning a lot if you're looking for extra help don't forget that I do offer one-on-one coaching we can talk through

43:04

a ton of different issues I can give you guides guidelines and logistical help to

43:10

help you take that next step or go to that next level in some of the things that you're dealing with in your life we

43:15

also have some course content some guides uh and a lot of educational

43:20

materials over at maxed out man.com for the coaching go ahead and go to maxed out man.com

43:26

coaching and you can learn about that and then just go to maxed out man.com for everything else thanks for joining us now back to the episode um

43:34

recognizing that as an adopted parent that you need to not only create a safe

43:41

and loving place but you also have to create a space where they can work

43:47

through their own loss their own disappointment their own building blocks

43:53

of all right I need to build a Rel relationship with you and how do I do

43:59

that um so yeah it's it's been it's been in it's been an incredible journey and

44:06

um it's exposed the good in me the strong in me the beautiful of me but man

44:13

it's exposed the ugly in me as well and and I've had to go all right

44:18

you know what I got to be authentic I wasn't at my best and I need to be more

44:24

than I was in that moment yeah and how does that how do how did you know obviously as a family it's it's you know

44:32

fully disruptive it's disruptive for the two for the two kids that are coming into the family but it disrupts every

44:40

normaly aspect of your existing family right yeah you know that that's a really

44:47

good point um because here's the thing you know as we were going through the

44:53

two years leading up to adopting our family was really really excited I

45:00

mean the kids were excited um we were excited we were in every way looking

45:06

forward to having these kids come and what we didn't anticipate

45:15

was the the trauma the real trauma that was being brought into our home because

45:21

all of a sudden you're bringing children that are older they've had already had

45:26

some connection with other people and now they've been ripped out and they're being brought into your home and your

45:33

kids are now being displaced and now I remember my my my son zann he was really

45:41

excited I mean he was really excited and then to have a son that

45:49

was agewise he was nine but emotionally he was about four or five yeah and so

45:58

instead of having a little brother that he connect could connect with all of a sudden he had this little brother that

46:05

was annoying and they didn't connect and they couldn't communicate because we had a language barrier as well as an

46:11

emotional barrier and so Judy and I had to be very cognizant of going all right

46:19

we have our new children that have these needs but now we have our existing

46:25

children that have new needs that we've never had to deal with before and so we became very

46:34

purposeful in doing monthly dates with our kids now she would take one kid I

46:42

would take one kid and literally the first two years Judy and I cannot leave

46:48

the house without one of us being home there was so much trauma going on right

46:54

and so we we Judy and I are have been religious about having date nights well

47:01

date nights got very creative you know we would go buy a big thing of Ben and

47:08

Tom Ben and Jerry's ice cream and we go into room and we'd watch a movie or we'd

47:13

make cookies and you know my oldest son you know he was older so once the kids

47:19

were asleep we would go for walks together and and talk and commiserate

47:24

and celebrate you know the the Triumph or the challenge of the day together and so we

47:31

had to figure out ways that Judy and I could come together and work through the

47:36

things that we needed to do as parents the things that we were experiencing on

47:41

an individual basis and a couple so it was a big it was a big adjustment across

47:49

every aspect of the family right and um I

47:54

remember when we were before when we were going

48:00

through the adoption process in Idaho they actually and I've shared this before in other podcast but

48:09

when when you're going through the process they make you do parenting classes and I'm like arrogant going well

48:16

dude I got four kids I'm great I got four kids what what do you need I need in parenting classes right but I

48:23

remember that um the one one SE there was two sessions

48:28

that I really really remember but this one they showed these videos of these parents that have adopted and and

48:35

interviews with kids who were adoptees and they were like the

48:41

worst heart-wrenching stories I'd ever heard and I'm like I'm driving home you

48:47

know one kid Set Fire to the house one kid ended up committing suicide the

48:52

parent you know some sent the kids back and I'm like man damn what the heck I go I'm driving home and I'm I'm asking Judy

48:59

I'm like what do they not want us to adopt and I and I said something that

49:06

became prophetic I said in love all things are

49:14

possible but what I didn't realize was that while that statement is

49:20

true what I didn't realize and I came to realize that love is hard

49:26

M and love is not truly tested until it's gone through the furnace of

49:35

adversity and so as we have brought our kids together we have had to learn how

49:43

to love they've had to learn how to love they've had to learn how to trust and vice versa and Judy and I have had to be

49:51

very purposeful in creating an environment where all all of our children can work through their own

49:58

personal doubts their own personal trauma their own personal loss anger

50:04

sadness excitement Happiness joy right it's been this crazy Journey um but in

50:13

the end the the furnace of Affliction has refined our family and made us

50:20

something that is absolutely beautiful that's that's amazing which is

50:26

part of why you is that part of why your your podcast is called father's fire

50:31

yeah cuz I wanted yeah it's like uh I want to ignite the Fire Within all of us

50:37

to be better husbands and better better fathers right but it's really

50:46

um love true love is not realized until it's

50:52

tested yeah and it's a we you know doing marriage mentoring and and you know counseling and all that it's love is a

50:59

is a verb and a choice right like they you know the the Romantic idea of what

51:06

love is does exist you know I still get those feelings for my wife and you know

51:12

of course but but love in and of its core is a an

51:18

active choice that you have to make and some days it's easier than others with our kids with our spouse with our

51:25

co-workers and and with Society in general and I think that that's that's a

51:31

that's a really profound way to put that and and going through that refiners you

51:37

know what what you know in Christian ease we talk about refiner fire right

51:42

like God God takes us through these situations or we go through these situations and and the process of

51:48

refining is to is to burn out those impurities to help make us more pure and

51:55

I think that that love um the idea of that love becoming more pure um is is

52:01

pretty amazing I assume that you guys have kind of gone through guidance and counseling and all that along the way

52:07

also or is that something you're handling internally you know our our kids have um Judy and I haven't um

52:14

mainly because we've had such a Powerhouse in each other um and that's been very helpful

52:22

right and we I mean we spend a lot of time in prayer together and and counseling

52:29

together you know Judy and I have worked very hard to build a solid relationship and and so but our kids individually

52:36

have had you know counseling and and that's good you know maybe I should have had some counseling but I think my

52:43

podcast has helped a lot because I'm talking about things that are directly

52:50

related even though they're not exactly the same right and so I think in some ways the podcast has been my therapy as

52:57

well um and so it's it's been good I think one of the things you know

53:03

especially as I think back you know if if people are looking

53:08

to foster care kids or adopt kids I think one of the key

53:13

things is that you have to recognize that these children are coming from

53:20

broken situations so they are going to be on high alert mhm right they're going

53:26

to be on the defensive because the people that should have supported and cared for them have let them

53:34

down and they've had to rely upon themselves and so you coming in and

53:40

saying I got this is like whoa I dude I've not seen that right and one of the

53:47

things that really helped our family was we as you know

53:52

we're big water family we spend a lot of time in the boat water skiing and

53:58

surfing and and all that stuff wakeboarding and one of the things that

54:03

really helped begin the process of trust was the first time that we took our kids

54:11

out on the boat because you know all of our four kids that were raised in our home they

54:18

got out they're wake surfing they're wake boarding the and our two kids are going hey I want to try that

54:27

but there's a different thing when it comes to actually doing it m and so you

54:33

know I remember getting on the platform of our our boat you it's a three-foot platform I'm standing there and I got CA

54:41

on on the edge and she's looking at you know we're out in the middle of the lake this dark water and she's like ah I'm

54:48

not sure I want to get in this water right yeah that looked fun but I'm not

54:54

so sure and and I remember I'm likei got you I got you right and

55:01

so so we sit on the ledge of the platform and then I slip into the water

55:07

and I'm like come here I got you hold your hand right and dude she's still and I'm in the water with my life Jack and

55:14

she I'm like I got you you know and I'm looking I'm look at me in the eye I got

55:19

you man I I kind of half pulled her in you know and D I mean she just

55:26

grabbed my neck I'm like about choking me to I'm like to breathe relax right

55:33

and I push her away from me and I'm like look at me I got you right and so she

55:39

was forced in that moment to 100% rely on me she had to trust

55:46

me right and so we just sat in the water and I'm like look the life jackets got

55:51

you I got you and I think that we rush to try to make the connection

55:59

instead of going through the process of

56:05

connection that's um yeah I kind of want to let that hang a little bit but um

56:11

yeah that that building trust is has got to be one of the biggest things and for for our own kids I think I talked about

56:18

on on the podcast that my daughter again had had talked about she had sent me a text for for um for Father's Day and and

56:27

and having that that confidence and Trust in in me and that no matter what

56:34

that I'm always going to that to and to that ideal to say hey look I've got you

56:40

right I you are safe to explore the world right and to to learn these new

56:47

things and to work past some of that trauma that you've faced and and to go you know to to do all of those things

56:54

but yeah it's um that's got to be one of the bigger to the bigger challenges and um I'm

57:01

curious so let's let's say that we got dads and moms that may be listening to

57:06

this that are not going through the adoption process or have not had adopted kids what what have you learned from the

57:13

adoption side of things and going through this with your two adopted kids

57:19

that would transfer over to advice to give to dads you know that that that

57:25

maybe just have a couple of kids maybe have one kid trying to do the best they can well and and I think you know what I

57:33

I I think it applies to all kids right especially I think a lot of

57:39

times you know when your kids are young they trust you they look up to you

57:45

you're their biggest hero right and then somewhere around 12 13 14 you become the

57:53

biggest idiot in the world and and the and the enemy in some cases

57:58

and the enemy and the most uncool dude in the world right and it's like they're

58:04

embarrassed of you they're annoyed by you right and I think that jolts a lot

58:11

of dads Because all of a sudden the whole dynamic has

58:16

changed but the principles are the same you know with being adopted or having

58:23

your kids all of a sudden they're working through who they are where they

58:29

fit in are they loved are they respected can

58:34

can they trust you are everything that you've taught them in the past does that make

58:40

sense is can I rely on that weight everybody else was telling me I should do this and that's not aligning with

58:47

what I've been taught right and so the same I think a lot of dads struggle

58:53

because all of a sudden they're they're dealing with a stranger in their

58:58

house because their kids are discovering who they are and they and they repel

59:03

about that repel against that process when in reality they need to know that

59:10

one they have a guiding post that they can always

59:16

turn to the problem is is we tend to instead of being The Guiding post be

59:21

the beating post mhm and try to beat the craziness out of them instead of letting

59:27

them embrace the process of growing in

59:32

Discovery and I and I think a lot of dads struggle with allowing their kids

59:39

space to figure out who they are and we

59:44

try to put a thumb on it and go no and we try to squash them instead of going you know what it's just part of the

59:51

process and and we all have that we all you know you know it I mean your kids

59:56

are completely diabolically different right and On's just like my daughter I

1:00:02

have that same daughter you know that is antagonistic and I'm reactionary right I

1:00:09

have that right and and we tend to especially when we were butt heads but

1:00:16

the thing that helped us was I always said look I know we're not seeing eye to

1:00:22

eye here but but I'm still here yeah and

1:00:27

I still love you and I guess what I need to say I'm sorry

1:00:34

I think a lot of dads really struggle with saying I'm sorry I mean I tell my kids all the time look you know I'm not

1:00:41

the perfect dad surprise I go but I do love you or I try to love you perfectly

1:00:48

and that means embracing the differences and where we don't get along and and I'm

1:00:55

going to go along for the ride and I I I I think it's the same whether they're

1:01:01

adopted or their own EV eventually you you reach a point where they have

1:01:10

to develop that trust in the relationship that you've built and

1:01:16

sometimes they have to ReDiscover it and that rediscovery process can be

1:01:23

painful yeah and it definitely you know when they were my girls both when they were

1:01:29

turned 14 you know their heads are spinning around like Linda Blair and you know and it's like I don't know what to

1:01:36

do with you right now and and the the sheer and my wife yells at me because

1:01:42

I'm not allowed to say this to young parents anymore but like the the sheer

1:01:48

hatred that will come out of a 14-year-old's mouth is so surprising

1:01:55

because like and I'll say it to Young to to parents and and like just because you want to kind of prepare them a little

1:02:01

bit but I I tend to be a little bit extreme on it like kids will bring out

1:02:06

they have the propensity for the most love and joy and the most sheer

1:02:13

meanness that you can ever experience that's and and I you know obviously there are exceptions to that but I think

1:02:20

that most parents that I talk to that have gone through the teenage years and and we kind of had this fantasy like oh

1:02:27

it's not going to be our kids and they're going to be perfect and all this stuff and God has a sense of humor with that but I always tell people that God

1:02:34

made teenagers in such a way that they want to you want them to leave the house

1:02:39

as much as they probably want to leave the house but but having that support

1:02:45

and like I like you alluded to my youngest who's middle you know more she's I'm conservative she's super

1:02:51

liberal and antagonistic and and we have have to have these conversations of like look let's let's back off on this our

1:02:59

safe word is this and kind of be able to tone those things down and to be able to have

1:03:05

an open and honest conversation to say look we're not going to agree on on this

1:03:11

and there are certain ways that we can have this conversation that can can have that and can be loving but it doesn't do

1:03:18

us any good to to fight about you know economic policy in Ukraine or whatever

1:03:23

it is what free free college tuition or you know what whatever those things are

1:03:29

that tend to be the hot buttons uh of the day but to have that launching pad and I I think that's great advice that

1:03:35

you're giving to people I last question I've kept you for a long time but I'm curious so with with my own

1:03:43

marriage um and I think I told I don't know if I told this on your podcast I've said it so many times but it's I used to

1:03:49

tell the girls look I'll I'll make two more look just like you there was a joke I think Bill Cosby told that joke uh but

1:03:56

it's like your and they always knew that Mom and my marriage was the foundation

1:04:03

of of of of our family and and I thought it was poignant then and I you know and

1:04:10

and almost to an extreme to like look your your needs are important but you're a you know you're a you're not an infant

1:04:18

anymore so you can kind of sustain your life but this this thing over here with your mother is is what the most most

1:04:24

important relationship beyond my relationship with God that's that's very important and I thought it was poignant

1:04:30

that my youngest then who I obviously have a little bit of antagonism with she she said that specifically thank you for

1:04:36

showing me what a what a what it looks like for a man to love a woman in that

1:04:44

way and I'm curious how your family and your relationship being married for almost 35 years if that's been true even

1:04:52

going through everything that you do you like you said you got the date nights once a week that I've been very religious about and very disciplined

1:04:58

about so I I have a sense that you and I share those same ideals yeah you know um Judy and I

1:05:04

actually have another podcast that we do together it's kind of her brainchild it's called into the gray and it's where

1:05:11

we're exploring kind of the gray areas of life getting gray our kids leaving

1:05:19

you know all all of that stuff and um in one of the episodes she asked me she

1:05:25

goes what what do you think the most important thing is about our family and

1:05:31

I said you she was I mean it it literally I could see it it took her back I'm like

1:05:38

look if you aren't preeminent in my life obviously right you know with God there

1:05:45

right if you are not preeminent in my life in our life then everything else

1:05:51

falls apart and and that has just

1:05:58

been a critical point in me because I I firmly believe that if you and your wife

1:06:05

you and your husband are not unified nothing else works right and I

1:06:12

see so many people go well the kids come first I'm like no you and your wife have

1:06:18

to come first cuz guess what your kids are going to grow up and they're going to leave the nest

1:06:24

and you're going to wake up and go who the who are you right it's like all of a

1:06:30

sudden you're waking up to a stranger instead of going all right what do we get to do now

1:06:37

together right and and and and I had a really good example in my dad and this

1:06:43

was a very poignant lesson for me I remember very clearly I was about

1:06:51

18 I was still at home and my my younger brother was going through

1:06:57

this very you know he was 16 he was being a punk just kind of everybody

1:07:03

sucks and I'm the best and man he got he got in my mom's face I mean just was

1:07:10

being disrespectful and my dad walked in to

1:07:16

the house and saw this and he walked over and literally pinned my brother

1:07:22

took a hand around his neck pinned him against the the wall it's the only time I really saw my dad lose his

1:07:29

cool and he goes don't you ever talk to my sweetheart like that

1:07:37

again yes she's your mom but first and foremost she is my sweetheart and

1:07:44

nobody talks to my sweetheart that way yeah and it just seared in my mind that

1:07:53

you know what my mom is preeminent in my Dad's life right she is the angel of his

1:08:01

heart and I need to treat my w wife with that same commitment dedication

1:08:09

protection love admiration and I have tried to be very very purposeful in

1:08:17

doing that with her and I you know obviously I haven't been perfect but my kids know that Mom is before them I mean

1:08:26

I've I've jokingly said look when you guys leave mom and I's uh address is

1:08:31

going to be a GPS location good luck we'll come visit you

1:08:36

right so I mean yes I want to be involved in your life but you know at the core it's me and Mom and you guys

1:08:44

are part of our family yeah I think it's it's um and so many couples miss that I

1:08:49

mean I think that's why you see these you know we had a guy at church the other day that I mean he was married for 29 years and then he got divorced and

1:08:56

I'm like first of all the logistics of that and just the sheer like I don't want to

1:09:02

be that I don't want to be in my early 50s starting that over again like it's it's it seems just easier to to make it

1:09:08

work at that point but it and in most cases when we've seen that it's a situation where you become mom and dad

1:09:15

you become and and in a lot of cases you become mom and then the dad becomes the

1:09:21

the provider and the golfer and the football guy and all you know all of

1:09:26

those roles that he takes on and and you forget to be husband and wife first so I

1:09:31

think that that you know I did I did a short form video the other day that um basically said one of the ways that I

1:09:38

really strive to tell my wife you know who she is is by cherishing her I use

1:09:44

the word cherish which is which is something that you know is so important and I tell Michelle all the time I wish

1:09:50

that I I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you you know because I because I think women oftentimes have we

1:09:57

all have self-esteem things but a lot of times women do and and different women have it in different degrees but I think

1:10:02

that that's a that's a statement to make sure that your wife knows how important

1:10:08

she is to in in everything that you do um yeah I I I cannot imagine a better

1:10:15

place to end this uh in terms of in terms of point in place I mean I I cried a little bit on your podcast I cried on

1:10:23

this podcast with you I don't know if I could handle this things these things emotionally but we'll have to we'll have to do this again I'd love to do it I

1:10:31

mean it's you know I I love these conversations right because I I think we

1:10:36

need more of this as men yeah it's just it's important for us men

1:10:42

to open up especially to other men and go you know what this is what I'm struggling with this is what I've done

1:10:48

this is what I've learned man this is what's worked for me oh man this really

1:10:53

didn't work for me and what have you done dude like cuz I'm at a loss yeah

1:11:00

right and creating these kind of spaces where we can have these dialogues and

1:11:05

share the things that are really the most important I mean yeah we're both entrepreneurs and yeah we have both have

1:11:12

businesses but at the core the most important thing is the lady next to you

1:11:17

and the kids that you guys brought into this world and get the opportunity to be

1:11:22

parents for yeah rest of it's just minutia yeah right I I say it all the

1:11:28

time that don't get so busy trying to build uh money success all of those

1:11:34

things and forget that the whole purpose of those things is to build the life that that you can have you know Jody I

1:11:41

really appreciate your time I'm interested can you share like if somebody's interested in the adoption

1:11:46

first of all we want to know how to find you and learn more about you and your podcast but also if someone is thinking

1:11:52

about the adoption process do you have a particular resource that you send them to you know I every State's a little

1:11:59

different so I would just look for a local adoption agency you know they'll be able to you know hear the one that we

1:12:07

use God now I'm pulling a blank on their name but they were great I mean they were just like they had experience both

1:12:14

locally as well as International and so that would and and that's one of the decisions that you know if you're

1:12:20

thinking about adoption do you want to adopt locally internationally do you

1:12:25

want to adopt older there's so many nuances to it and I just tell people

1:12:32

like look dude God's Gonna kind of pull you if it's right for you but recognize

1:12:40

that Love's hard and it's going to be a journey it's going to be a journey of love and yes they will be yours and you

1:12:48

will feel a connection that is unexplainable that they are yours

1:12:54

right um but there's a process of also becoming yours right and so you know

1:13:01

just reach out you know search your local adoption agencies they'll be very helpful um there's a lot of different

1:13:08

nuances if you're International versus local but they're they're the guys that

1:13:13

can help you there so nice and how do we learn more about the podcasts and and what you guys got going on so yes the

1:13:20

podcast is father's fire um it's on YouTube father's fire it's on I have Tik

1:13:26

Tok my Tik Tok Instagram um I have Jody Cedric and also father's fire so either

1:13:33

one um and I'm on Facebook um so yeah just jod just search jod cedrick I'm

1:13:39

sure you'll find me and I and I'll put some links in the in the show notes as well hey man I really appreciate your

1:13:45

time and and this has been awesome this is kind of uh kicked off a really busy day for me but it it's going to keep me

1:13:51

you know it it's it's been something that that is you know poignant to me and

1:13:57

important to me and and this connection and our friendship is is uh I love that it's gonna it's going to continue to

1:14:04

grow so thanks so much buddy well thank you it's been a pleasure man if you're

1:14:09

looking to really maximize your life and become the man you were made to be head over to maxed out man.com and get your

1:14:17

journey started today