Maxed out Man
The Maxed Out Man Podcast is for men who refuse to settle.
Hosted by Kevin Davis, this show is a battle cry for husbands, fathers, entrepreneurs, and leaders who are hungry for more—more strength, more clarity, more purpose.
Each episode delivers raw, real conversations about faith, marriage, business, fitness, masculinity, and mission—without the fluff or soft talk. Whether it's powerful solo episodes or interviews with bold men living at full tilt, you'll get truth that stabs you in the face (in the best way), practical strategies that actually work, and faith-fueled wisdom to help you lead your life with fire.
This is your wake-up call. Time to get maxed out.
Maxed out Man
Episode 30 - Masculine Sexuality & Learning to be a Better Lover - Sebastian Harris
In this conversation, Sebastian, a sex coach, discusses various topics related to male sexuality and relationships. He emphasizes the importance of training the pelvic floor and engaging in longer masturbation sessions to improve sexual performance. Sebastian also addresses performance anxiety and the need for vulnerability in intimate relationships. He challenges the unrealistic standards perpetuated by pornography and highlights the significance of emotional connection and intimacy in sexual experiences. Additionally, he encourages women to communicate their respect for men who are open and vulnerable, fostering a safe space for emotional expression.
Takeaways
- Training the pelvic floor through masturbation can improve sexual performance and strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.
- Performance anxiety can be alleviated by addressing insecurities and being vulnerable with a partner.
- Intimacy and emotional connection are essential components of satisfying sexual experiences.
- Unrealistic standards perpetuated by pornography can negatively impact sexual relationships.
- Understanding women's bodies and preferences can enhance sexual experiences.
- Long-term relationships provide an opportunity for sexual growth and exploration.
- Creating a safe space for emotional expression can encourage men to be open and vulnerable.
Chapters
00:00
Training the Pelvic Floor and Masturbation
41:02
Performance Anxiety and Vulnerability
45:25
The Importance of Intimacy
50:17
False Ideas and Unrealistic Standards
55:27
Understanding Women's Bodies
58:32
Short-Term Experiences vs. Long-Term Relationships
01:06:36
Encouraging Vulnerability in Men
About Sebastian:
Sebastian Harris is a Dating Coaching and Sex Coach who helps men to overcome their performance anxiety, heal their insecurities in regards to sex and improve their sexual skills.
http://sexucationformen.com
To learn more about Maxed Out Man and to maximize your potential, visit www.maxedoutman.com or connect with us on Social Media:
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0:00
Welcome to maxed out man helping you
0:06
become the man you were made to be hey guys it's Kevin Davis from the
0:12
maximum podcast it's episode number 30. I am here with Sebastian Harris we've already been talking uh before we
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started recording it's been fun already so I'm excited about doing this Sebastian is a dating coach and sex
0:25
coach who helps men overcome their performance anxiety heal their insecurities in regards to sex and
0:30
improve their sexual skills well uh we'll have a good time here and I'm excited to have Sebastian here he is uh
0:37
currently in where are you in Europe in Romania undisclosed location in in
0:44
Romania uh at this time so hey man welcome thanks for coming on I'm excited
0:49
to talk to you about this stuff thank you so much for inviting me on the show I'm excited so if you want to kind of
0:55
give me you know you I saw on your website you're like I'm a young I'm a young guy um but I do have tons of experience in
1:02
this area you're a certified hypnotist as well which is super interesting to me
1:08
um and kind of give me your background a little bit and kind of tell me what you do and how you got into what you're
1:14
doing now right like this is this is a an area that is not taboo but
1:20
a lot of people aren't talking about this oh that's a question I can go on forever
1:26
and ever but let's see how I can sum that up no go go as long as you want man we're here you actually you actually
1:33
um let's say you know about my project this execation for men podcast where I teach men how to be better in bed but I
1:40
also have um my number one first podcast that I actually started in that area which is
1:46
the global Seducer quickie podcast and I'm working as a dating coach for now
1:51
almost I would say 11 years about something like that almost a decade um as a dating coach
1:58
and through my work as a dating coach helping men to overcome their insecurities with women helping them to
2:04
approach women helping them to also in a sense heal their trauma everything that was holding them back from really living
2:10
their life true to themselves and being the man who then shows up and approaches women through that work I had more and
2:17
more man come to me who for example did certain coachings with me either it was infield coachings or remote coachings
2:24
who then reached a point where they got successful with women and then they asked okay what's now I
2:31
don't know what to do I got this girl I don't know what to do exactly and that was for me really interesting to see how
2:38
how I then got more and more of these emails so more and more clients asked me about sexuality related stuff and
2:43
because I was in my 20s living out my sexuality in a very yeah I can say a
2:48
very extreme way um some of it now also that I actually talk about this on my different podcasts
2:54
um from a place of trauma which for a long time I didn't really want to realize where I always wanted to have
3:00
more women more experiences more more but through that Journey even though some of it was
3:07
um yeah was definitely motivated from that trauma energy I then got a lot of sexual experience and a lot of different
3:13
experiences with different women also some women who taught me in a very good way because for a long time it was not
3:19
good and bad at all and I'm not ashamed to admit that and through that work I
3:25
then started at some point to think okay it's time for a new podcast for a new project and when it then comes to this
3:32
execution for man podcast that I started a couple of years ago this blew up to such an extent that I've
3:38
never really imagined like now it's there are there a month where it gets
3:44
even more downloads than my original dating coaching podcast which was for me I never expected it in a million years
3:50
but I had so many guys and also now married guys like married guys coming to me guys who are going through divorces
3:56
guys who just started dating a woman single guys who wanted to be prepared for the next woman they meet and yeah
4:03
this is actually what led to that and if I now want to go back even more a little bit like with my own story I was very
4:09
insecure um as a teenager also in my early 20s before I then back then invested in the
4:16
coaching with another dating coach who then became my mentor and also from a sexual perspective I was born with a
4:22
congenital heart effect so I have scars all over my body from the heart surgeries and believe it or not but with
4:29
my very first girlfriend for a long time when we were together I refused to take my shirt off because I was so insecure
4:35
about my body overcoming my fears stepping out of my
4:41
comfort zone developing self-confidence um I've been yeah became somebody who's
4:48
now helping men on the same Journey or at least on a similar Journey and are you dealing with men so I assume
4:54
you're dealing with men internationally kind of all over the all over the world are we looking at mainly European men
5:00
no all over the world actually most of my clients are Americans um I would say most of them Americans
5:06
and Canadians Australians and I also have of course some Europeans but all over the world
5:12
and do you find that the kind of the sexual mores or the you know kind of the
5:19
the issues is that Universal or is it is it cultural do you find different things in different cultures you know because
5:26
like they'll talk about the French and you know the Italians and the great lovers and and all of this thing and and
5:33
I'm curious if that's been your experience is it is it Universal everybody all men are having the same
5:39
problems independent of where they live you know maybe it's maybe it's funny
5:44
that I as a German because we Germans are always raided the world's worst
5:50
lovers so maybe that that made me so so passionate about it I'm gonna figure that out I don't want to be a German
5:55
robot anymore maybe it's just super super engineered super methodical you have like a German checklist to follow
6:03
when you come into the bedroom is located I will find it exactly like that
6:09
and um yes I mean it's interesting what you say with with different cultures I think every culture has their own little
6:15
thing going on for example Germans are often not I mean yeah you have to admit it of not the most passionate ones and
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they think always analytical just like I described it a minute ago um where's everything located I want to
6:27
have the technicals and I'm going to do it it's more like the German attitude um the one thing that I really have to say about Americans nowadays especially
6:34
younger guys I mean they are so brainwashed to believe that everything masculine and everything being a man is
6:39
bad that they have extreme insecurities a lot of them
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um about being men about expressing their masculinity in a healthy way which I don't see to this extent in Europe at
6:52
all um but yeah every country has their different their different things and then of course there are also men who've
6:57
been raised in very traditional countries very traditional backgrounds um and for them
7:03
really exploring their sexuality is is something that in the beginning for them is completely foreign because
7:10
they didn't even know that you can do that they didn't even know I mean I had clients who really who didn't know from
7:17
these cultural backgrounds let's say more traditional cultural backgrounds who really didn't know what the clitoris
7:23
is where it is what it does and because those are things that in some cultures
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you just don't talk about it yeah and it's just not something that people are concerned with
7:33
Ah that's that's yeah that's super interesting that each person each
7:39
um culture would have have those kind of and I call them social mores which is just you know
7:44
what's normal in that culture uh and I mean you're right with in terms of the
7:49
masculinity thing I've talked about that with several a bunch of my friends on even on this podcast that these uh these
7:55
young men now are almost afraid to be men right like that's probably what you're seeing
8:01
because they're told that you know men are bad masculinity is bad they use
8:06
terms like toxic masculinity to describe you know men that do bad things and and
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honestly they you know there are certain parts of that of that community that that describe masculine all masculinity
8:18
is toxic so I don't know what you do as a as a young guy saying well if I want to take the lead in the bedroom for
8:25
example does that make me a misogynist or some sort of pseudo-rapist you know
8:31
kind of thing yeah it's interesting to to talk with men from all over the world because
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um I had a the way you just described it I had American clients who thought that and for me as a European this never
8:42
really this was this is not something that's in my reality even to think about like okay
8:47
if I take the lead in the bedroom with something bad and oh my God oh my God like it's just it's just not something
8:52
that's a part of the culture I mean at some point probably everything from the US swaps all over to Europe yes let's
8:58
hope that you guys are safe from that it's just for a while I mean it's already starting in a sense but
9:04
um but also one thing it's it's really interesting and I would also love to hear your opinion in it because
9:11
nowadays I believe a lot of men have this completely weird idea of what it
9:16
means to be a man and not just actually but of course also sexually where they
9:22
then go to the Other Extreme and it's all about the jawline it's all about building muscles it's all about these
9:27
external things that make them feel or that that give them the feeling of I'm a man without ever looking inside right
9:34
without ever without ever going that Journey inside because I mean I mean
9:39
nowadays we live in a time where where men are basically using devices to have bigger Jaws where their teeth fall out
9:45
like it's some crazy stuff going on and um just to have that jawline and just to believe like okay that's what
9:51
masculinity is yeah go ahead go ahead no I just think it's
9:57
important for every man to realize that true masculinity comes from stepping out of your comfort zone from learning new
10:03
things from in a sense in a spiritual way penetrating I mean you're physically
10:08
penetrating a woman during intercourse but you have to physically sorry spiritually penetrate the world in a
10:15
sense by stepping out of your comfort zone by showing up and by becoming the best version of yourself that's what I
10:21
truly believe yeah we I actually just launched a podcast this morning by Dr shinerer is
10:27
his name and John and we're talking a lot about kind of like owning your own crap and becoming the best version of
10:34
yourself and a lot of that is like and I've talked about this with with several podcast versions just getting in touch
10:41
with the masculine side of yourself that is also caring and loving you know and
10:48
that because in so many cultures in Western culture today especially American culture we're we're almost told
10:55
that those things are mutually exclusive that you actually can't be strong a
11:01
provider um you know and I consider myself to be more traditionally masculine I do have
11:07
you know I do work out I'm muscular I'm you know fit I'm a provider I tend you
11:13
know I'm the one that mows the yard you know those I'm the one that you know my wife and I both work on cars so that's
11:20
fun but like I tend to be that way but I also it was true it struck me we were
11:25
just at an event last year last week um and I had several of my guy friends
11:31
there that I you know that I'm great friends with and I was struck after I left how many times each of us told each
11:38
other that we loved each other like and it and it's and it's not like I'm gonna caress you on the back and say
11:45
I love you honey but it's like hey man I love you you know when we're saying goodbye or or whatever and I was struck
11:51
by that because I was like that's pretty cool to have this group of you know men that actually Express the fact that they
11:58
love each other and that you're important that that's an amazing that's an amazing uh yeah amazing thing to do like to have
12:05
these kind of bonds with other men and I think it's also what you what you just said with this idea of
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um of yes you can be the strong man the strong provider you can be work out I
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mean I also hit the gym you can do all these different things but then at the same time you can be
12:23
loving to the to your partner no matter if it's a girlfriend or your wife you can be
12:28
um kind you should be caring respectful and I think that's what a lot of men especially younger guys nowadays get
12:34
wrong they then think okay they have to be those kind of domineering [ __ ] who like treat women like crap under her
12:40
then I'm the guy and I think that's also not the solution or it shouldn't be the solution you can be a loving caring kind
12:47
man and at the same time be the masculine man that you are by knowing who you are by expressing
12:54
yourself in an authentic way um by yeah also taking care of your body I mean working out for example is a big
13:00
part of it and by doing these external things I think there's a combination of it and this also influences your sex
13:07
life especially in the long-term relationship I mean in this case you're definitely the expert on it you already told me for how long you married and
13:15
this is actually a funny story I just thought about that um I also had for example Sometimes
13:21
women both at this execution for man podcast and also my Global Seducer podcast where
13:27
the women were contacting me and saying hey can you help my guy to become more
13:32
masculine to step into his masculinity to overcome his fears like like I had that before I even had infield coaching
13:38
with guys who were in relationships where the woman said like come approach some women you need to get that out of your system I was like oh okay I'm gonna
13:45
help this guy no problem and again it was something that I never expected at the beginning of my coaching
13:51
Journey but I'm just sharing this right now because women want you to be that masculine man
13:59
they want you to to not see it in these extremes of like oh my God if I share my
14:04
feelings I'm this little puppy who she will discard at any moment and too awesome that at the same time go like I
14:09
have to be this hyper Alpha I mean nowadays that word Alpha stroller around like everywhere which basically means
14:16
like I don't know injecting substances in your muscles and then go to the gym and go who I'm the alpha but it's about
14:22
so much more right yeah I mean because Alpha is effectively the leader right like that's
14:28
all that means if you you know if you if you break that down but that it's interesting that you say that about
14:33
women and I can't remember if I've talked about on the podcast before but but my wife we've been involved in all
14:40
female Automotive builds so like literally we're building specialty hot
14:46
rods and and trucks and those kind of things and they're all female and these are
14:53
trades women that are kind of some of them are pseudo-masculine they're you
14:58
know they kind of lean into that as a self-protective thing because they're in a male dominated industry full of a lot
15:06
of just dicks like men are just not only is it literally dicks but these guys are
15:11
just these guys are just dicks to others give me like literally yeah I mean it's
15:16
literally and figuratively but they're just not they're just not nice men and so they these women kind of have built
15:23
up a little bit of a protective um posture with themselves but because
15:30
I've been involved and my wife and I have been married for so long and I treat her in a certain way
15:36
they've made comments like to hers like I wish I had someone that would treat me
15:42
the way that he treats you right so there's still this like yearning to be
15:48
cared for and to be cherished in all of those all of those aspects definitely
15:55
I would even say I mean that might sound a little bit controversial so I hope it's okay if I say it but
16:01
um the more a woman steps into her masculine energy either because of her job or what often happens is when she's
16:07
in a relationship with a guy who loses his frame and who's no longer masculine and she
16:13
then has to step into that provider protector role which I think no woman on earth is really happy with that to be
16:19
honest um and the more she steps into her masculine energy the more she's craving
16:26
like craving a masculine man and being in that feminine energy in my experience
16:31
and that's something that I actually talked about with other guys too the women who were the most masculine in
16:37
their jobs are usually the ones who are the most submissive and bad hmm because they want to live out this
16:45
feminine energy sometimes even to an extreme and that's something that I found very
16:52
interesting I even had once a conversation uh with the dominatrix was also an interesting comment conversation
16:57
who told me that especially the man who um who don't have real masculine energy but
17:05
pretend like they always have to pretend to be like overly masculine they are the ones
17:11
who can go to the dominatrix to have this other extremic and it's really interesting yeah the psychology of that is is super
17:18
interesting and I think now because because gender roles and you know everything is so freaking confused
17:26
um you know and and it's not it's just someone said the other day we're literally living in a South Park episode
17:32
now because it's it's gotten it's so ludicrous that it's just
17:39
you can't even take it seriously but but that's I'd love for you to expand a
17:44
little bit more on the masculine energy and feminine energy I did want to say that I wonder a lot of times what these
17:50
I wonder if and you can talk to this this whole you know obsession with pornography that's happened I've had a
17:57
couple of guests that are we've talked about porn addicts you know in porn addiction and all that but they're
18:04
seeing more of that like you know I don't know if they call it violence porn or rough or whatever but they're
18:12
basically showing images of completely dominating woman in a in a way that has
18:19
no uh emotional connection right whether it's the choking stuff or group stuff or
18:25
whatever like it's just it's unhealthy in the way that they're portraying it
18:31
um but I'd love I'd love for you to expand more on that feminine energy versus masculine energy just because I find it really fascinating
18:37
I mean if you want we can also talk about that porn issue for for a moment let's talk about both
18:43
let's talk about both I mean it also goes hand in hand with masculine feminine energy let's say with the with the with the porn I would say as
18:50
somebody who was also once addicted to it as a young guy um and having overcome it and also have
18:55
helped a lot of guys to overcome it it's it's really important to realize that
19:01
when you are addicted to pornography for a long time the fantasies that you're living out through that are not your
19:07
fantasies yeah and this is actually something that when when guys realize that they go like
19:13
oh my God you're right because they think okay I want to see that but what's
19:19
really happening is that because of the dopamine response you have to get a bigger trigger a bigger trigger a bigger
19:25
stimuli bigger stimuli over and over again and where it starts with let's say in quote-unquote normal pornography to
19:31
people having sex at some point it goes into more rough stuff then comes the gang bang stuff then comes to Crazy
19:38
whatever stuff until at some point and I talked about this with a lot of guys who were pornography addicted and and I I
19:45
had the same experience when when I overcame that years ago where at some point after you were let's say peeling
19:51
your banana and you were looking at the pornography or you were thought you were thinking about what you just watched and
19:57
you then ask yourself would I ever want to experience that with a woman the answer is no never right and I truly
20:04
believe it's because of this desensitization of the stimuli that you need because you
20:11
get usage just like somebody who's addicted to a certain drug and you need a bigger dose a bigger dose a bigger
20:16
dose and in pornography the bigger dose is more extreme because at some point you can't watch more you don't have that
20:21
much time but you just need the um the more extreme stuff in it I had that with a lot of guys who afterwards who and I
20:29
made the same experience actually if you would now show me a pornography clip
20:34
from the stuff that I maybe watched when I was let's say the beginnings of the internet pornography 10 years ago
20:42
I would be disgusted by it I mean not not that it was something let's say illegal or something really bad but just
20:47
like this kind of rough um emotionless sex basically that back then when you're in this
20:53
addiction it's completely normal you think like I mean well why not yeah I need it it's okay and then when you when
20:59
you look back at it years later once you overcome that you go like what the heck did I just what did I do there
21:05
and this is a very interesting process and I believe everybody can overcome that because
21:11
um yeah because especially if you want to live a very healthy sex life with your partner with your girlfriend your
21:16
wife I don't say that you can't have certain Kings or you can't do certain role plays I mean I'm a big believer in
21:22
role plays but especially when it comes to stuff that is really completely disconnected from your heart when it
21:30
comes to that kind of stuff I made the experience that a lot of guys they're not really into it it's just
21:35
something that their addiction basically forced them to consume and to make that
21:40
link with masculine feminine energy I also believe that the more a guy
21:46
goes into now that we talk about porn or even when it's when it's other short-term pleasure things for example
21:53
overeating on chocolate or video games pornography all of that stuff
21:58
the more you give in to those Temptations from society the less connected you will feel with
22:05
your masculine energy because I believe that in order to have this radiant masculine energy you need
22:13
to have a purpose in life and now I know this is about sexuality but I think it's even bigger than that like you need a
22:19
purpose in life you need as I always say with Schwarzenegger's voice you need the purpose and the vision and a vision you
22:25
need these things because if you don't have that if you're just going into those short-term pleasure
22:31
things like pornography which is basically fast sex that's what it is without putting in the work you can
22:37
never develop this masculine energy I mean there is research about it I'm sure you're aware of that that whenever a man
22:44
experiences a win his testosterone goes up yeah I had a very extensive conversation
22:50
with a guy on one of my podcasts we talked about the testosterone response
22:56
um to that in particular this is super interesting so it's I think what Jordan Peterson describes with the lobsters
23:02
right when the one Lobster loses and the other one wins or something that's also like um they talked he talked about it
23:09
we we talked about it in terms of they studied monkeys and and actually getting
23:15
getting the banana and there's this whole study that was a great episode it's already I believe it's already
23:21
launched I needed but it will have definitely launched by this time so go back and listen to that because we talk about it for like 25 minutes
23:28
um and yeah it's super interesting about testosterone levels and winning and and
23:34
um accomplishments but now do you find in that sorry to interrupt your thought but do you find in that that if because
23:41
they're they're artificial with pornography and some of those that it actually just screws up that whole
23:47
indoctrinal system totally I I truly believe that in myth also another thing at play and that's
23:53
that in the moment when you're consuming it it feels like you're winning but
23:59
right afterwards you know that you're not to give you another example of pornography like let's say video games
24:05
and to not take that in a wrong way playing a video game every now and then if it's
24:10
fun for you if it's fun you and your friends bonding time together all good I'm talking about the extremes of doing
24:15
it hours and hours where you're working life your dating life suffers and then while you're in the video game you're
24:21
like oh yeah I'm winning I'm winning that's amazing and right afterwards you feel like who I haven't accomplished anything
24:28
and I think that because that wasn't real exactly it wasn't real it's just like I mean don't even get me started on
24:34
virtual reality porn I think that will lead to an epidemic of men not being able to talk to women anymore but let's
24:40
see how that goes the more realistic that gets at some point they don't yeah because I mean it's it's getting it's getting more and more prevalent and you
24:47
know I I'm sure like I don't actually know this you may know this but I'm sure that they have mechanical connection
24:53
devices that go beyond the goggles now so that you actually have a more physical sensation I mean I once like I
25:01
once for example tried the goggles um with it because I was curious and I just threw them away I mean I didn't buy
25:07
them it was just trying it by somebody um I'll take the goggles from somebody and I was just going into throwing it
25:14
away going like oh my God that will mess me up if I couldn't continue to go down that path it's really it's really so
25:19
realistic and it's just the beginning yeah um but I also believe to go again into masculine feminine energy there's
25:25
another thing at play and I talked about this actually with quite a few women that women can sense if you have
25:33
I don't know how to how to describe it but women can sense it if you're addicted to pornography for example the
25:38
way you talk with women the way you interact with women like this kind of this this feeling of
25:44
it's hard to describe but a lot of women told me that they can feel if a man has this Sexual Energy and experiences it
25:51
with women or if his experiences it with a computer screen interesting and that's that's outside the bedroom that you're
25:57
describing that's not even that's not even in a sexual context exactly they have a they have a sixth sense for that
26:03
and of course they come all kinds of different problems with that I mean how many guys have told me that they're
26:08
suffering from Death grip syndrome for example I don't know what that is that's basically that you you masturbated so
26:15
hard that now when you're inside of a woman um you don't feel anything or when a
26:21
woman is stimulating you you don't feel it feel the sensation you're basically damaging the nerves down there
26:27
um and then the guys can't get it up um or only in certain positions and I kid you not and I experience it
26:34
actually with guys who are addicted to pornography who couldn't get it up with women in bed and when they saw a laptop
26:41
or a smartphone without the porn movie running they got an erection
26:49
yeah it's all conditioning and that's what's so dangerous about it and of
26:54
course when we now go into the idea of like needing more and more extreme pornography so you're watching a video with 12 models as I always say with
27:02
perfect makeup fake boobs bleach buttholes and then you're in bed with your normal really good looking
27:08
girlfriend and your brain says that's not sex that's not 12 crazy porn stars
27:14
going at me that's not sex so whoop it's not working wow that leads yeah because there's a there's a I mean it's a mechanical thing
27:21
but it's more more emotional than I think most guys um realize and it's just and that's I
27:27
mean like you and we can talk more about it but like that causes you know erectile dysfunction obviously we're
27:33
talking about that there's a premature ejaculation issue going on I was actually
27:39
um there's a guy named Taylor Johnson which is actually funny that his last name is Johnson to me but uh because I'm
27:44
a because I'm a 12 year old boy but um he he is a sex coach and sex expert
27:50
and has courses and all that and I've I've like I said before we got started I've done a lot of education for myself
27:56
and one of the things that he talks a lot about is by by masturbating to porn you're
28:03
effectively training your system to orgasm as quickly as possible right and
28:09
your brain is associating associating pleasure with only orgasm
28:15
and so like that's he teaches a lot about you know lasting longer and you know multiple orgasms for men and and
28:22
all that but that's yeah that's that mechanics is gets really super very very interesting point and also I think
28:28
that's not I think that's something that I actually give as a homework for all of my clients who are suffering from
28:33
premature ejaculation is to masturbate differently I think a lot of guys and this goes again in the extremes I
28:39
actually no joke I actually got hate emails and even some really bad hate emails from guys who believe in the
28:45
nofap movement who basically wanted me like how can you say that because I
28:50
truly believe that masturbating is not the issue pornography is the issue you're just taking both out of the equation
28:57
immediately and then what happens is which you can actually read about in those nofap forums where guys go like my
29:03
penis hurts oh my God so much pain and the guys go oh just continue it's good one year without it's perfect and I'm
29:10
like no it's not I mean I had a cyst removed in my bladder I had a surgery down there and I actually talked with my
29:16
with several urologists about like this not masturbating he said it's the worst thing you can do for your prostate for your for
29:23
inflammation down there because that stuff wants to get out that's the natural thing yeah because there's a study that says that if the numbers like
29:30
21 times a month to ejaculate is actually the the study showed that
29:36
that's the healthy number for a healthy prostate and I'm 50 years old so my
29:41
prostate is like you know just now starting to say hey wait a minute we're getting older you know this is there's
29:47
two things as you get older you can't control in your body it's your eyesight and you know ultimately your prostate
29:53
but you can do stuff like you know saturated fat and take supplements and all that but hey guys thanks for
29:58
listening to this episode I hope you're enjoying it and learning a lot if you're looking for extra help don't forget that
30:04
I do offer one-on-one coaching we can talk through a ton of different issues I can give you guides guidelines and
30:10
logistical help to help you take that next step or go to that next level in some of the things that you're dealing
30:16
with in your life we also have some course content some guides and a lot of
30:21
educational materials over at maxed outman.com for the coaching go ahead and go to maxoutman.com coaching and you can
30:29
learn about that and then just go to maxed outman.com for everything else thanks for joining us now back to the episode anyway yeah so it's like 21
30:36
times and I I try to show that to my wife and say look you're not doing your part we gotta we gotta work on this but
30:43
let's do some more workouts here that's right and I think I think also from this perspective a lot of guys are like
30:50
through snowfap movement brainwashed to believe like they have to somehow I mean they're guys in those forums who say
30:55
like oh I have prostatitis in large pain everything but I continue I continue like Jesus Christ yeah like no the
31:02
problem is poor and not the masturbation and that's why I tell guys to masturbate and now we go a little bit spiritual
31:08
maybe for some guys in the beginning it's like oh God it sounds weird but it's to masturbate with self-love to
31:15
explore your body as if you were a woman exploring your body to connect with your body and I really tell guys like just go
31:22
up and down your thighs caress your balls a little bit caress your penis then again go up and down your belly
31:29
like just as as if you would give yourself an erotic massage and also in
31:34
this sense give yourself the time to masturbate like you want to make a masturbation session and I know in
31:40
today's fast-paced day and age with Instagram and everything uh nobody has an attention spent anymore but
31:46
I always use this as an example how can you imagine to last 15 minutes inside of
31:51
a warm wet beautiful vagina when you can't even last 10 minutes with your hand it doesn't work like that right and
31:58
what if you can last 20 minutes or 25 minutes with your hands and you train your body not only to last longer but by
32:05
doing that you also train your pelvic floor that's actually why this is so important because when I had that cyst removed in my bladder for me it was
32:11
important to retrain my pelvic floor muscles to let them grow again because there are all kinds of urological
32:18
problems when they are too weak and the best thing you can do is masturbation that's like a workout for your penis in
32:25
a sense or having sex of course I mean right now let's say if you if you're not having a sexual partner
32:30
um and in this case it's really important to realize okay if I just go like five minutes to a porn movie you're
32:37
not giving your body down there the workout on top of that and I had so many guys
32:43
who actually healed really healed their premature ejaculation by following this simple advice by doing what I call
32:50
self-love masturbation yeah and there's I mean I don't know do you teach about kegels and reverse
32:55
kegels and and those kind of pelvic floor I also do a little bit from especially
33:00
from what I learned since my surgery I don't recommend kegels anymore to be honest interesting I'd love to hear
33:06
about that because I remember when I for example after the surgery which a lot of guys have especially when they're let's
33:13
say addicted to porn is hypertonic pelvic floor which means your muscles are too tight and with Kegel exercises
33:19
you make them even tighter so it can actually backfire um how because you have to think about it
33:25
this way and I always say disclaimer I'm not a medical professional I'm just talking from my own experience as somebody who had a surgery down there
33:33
um that when you do kegel exercises you often press too hard it's a very unnatural movement I mean it's not like
33:40
for example when you lift a barbell with your let's say with your biceps you also
33:45
don't train your biceps by for example simply pressing it now as hard as you can right it's a very unnatural movement
33:51
and if I would do that for example now for let's say 60 seconds press my biceps at the end I would probably hurt yeah
33:58
but if I do a normal biceps curl which is a very natural movement then I can train the strength in the same way as
34:04
masturbating is in my opinion already enough with that because you're doing a very natural movement
34:10
because you're masturbating your pelvis floor gets gets let's say a tense which in this moment it should be but it's not
34:16
like in the in a Kegel where you go like okay I'm gonna press press and then the muscle is basically getting cut Tighter
34:22
and Tighter especially if people don't know about stretching which most people don't do I didn't know it I mean before
34:28
I had the surgery I never thought about stretching my pelvis forever it's like huh really yeah actually I don't I mean
34:34
I I'm I'm unfamiliar with that nowadays I'm doing it every day I mean
34:40
how do you do that perfect recovery um to be honest I don't even know how the different stretches are called in
34:46
English so I'm gonna say like if you go to YouTube you can just type in like pelvic floor stretches for men they're
34:51
like very few basic stretches that are really good for that okay um especially when it comes to your calves when it
34:57
comes to your inner thighs like those kind of stretches and one part of it is also the reverse kick
35:03
that I think you just mentioned where you're basically let your pelvic floor drop a little bit which relaxes it and I nowadays do this combination of
35:09
masturbation longer masturbation sessions and of course Also let's say sex when I'm with a partner
35:15
um combined with stretching and that helps me a lot of those helped a lot of my clients because you might even
35:21
getting hypertonic pelvic flow with Kegel exercises I don't say that it can't work don't get me wrong I would
35:27
just be a little bit more careful with it yeah and I mean to be to be honest I think that kegels men doing kegels you
35:35
know it's typically like well after childbirth women do them to strengthen their pelvic floor so that they have
35:40
better bladder control right like you don't you don't often hear about kegels um you know in your world I'm sure you
35:47
do but in in most men are not talking about doing kegels right so I I I don't
35:53
think it's probably something that we have to worry too much about in that in that regard
35:59
I mean I think it is an important part let's say especially strengthening of your pelvic floor of course for sexual performance but especially for guys like
36:06
me who had a surgery let's say assist removing a bladder or something or prostate surgery um for them it's incredibly important to
36:11
to regain that strength again and yeah especially with male sexuality I would think it's such a big part of our
36:18
identity of our life that um it can definitely lead to a lot of insecurities and to also go a little bit
36:25
if it's okay for you into let's say performance anxiety I also believe that most performance anxiety is because man
36:34
a watch porn and they think they need this kind of 20 centimeters long
36:40
um in order to satisfy a woman and B they then also have this pressure
36:46
put this pressure on themselves to believe that they have to be perfect yeah and what men often forget is that
36:54
women in the same way as men we are all human beings we have all our insecurities and as man we often make
37:00
this this wrong you can say judgment that we see a beautiful woman we think oh my God she must be the most
37:06
self-confident person in the world and happy every day smiling every day and have no anxiety I mean she's a goddess
37:12
oh my God and to then realize that when you are having performance
37:19
anxieties or when something is not working two as I always say address the elephant
37:24
in the room I mean for example to share a funny story with you
37:29
um true story the very first model I slept with on my let's say dating Conquest Journey back back in the days I
37:37
couldn't get it up she was so breathtakingly beautiful I just couldn't get it up I was so freaking nervous my
37:44
heart was going up and I could have done in this moment what
37:49
most guys do and you go like oh you know normally that doesn't happen I mean I don't know what that is or even worse I
37:55
mean women have told me that some guys blamed them for it oh wow but instead what I did was to Simply say
38:02
you know what you're so beautiful like I mean at the moment I'm just totally nervous so how about we just cuddling
38:07
kiss a little bit and she was totally cool with it and then eventually it worked yeah so the best thing that or
38:13
the best advice that I can always give when it comes to Performance anxiety at least dealing with it in the moment of course there are different things we can
38:18
go into of how you can prevent it how you can heal it but dealing with it in the moment is to address the elephant in
38:24
a room be as honest as possible and yes that also means being vulnerable and yes it's okay as a man to be vulnerable
38:31
to open up in this moment um and if a woman would ever react in a
38:36
negative way and go like oh my God get out of this room who are you it's terrible like in this moment you have to
38:44
realize she's not the right woman for you right because remember women also have their sexual uh you can say
38:49
dysfunctions even though I don't like that word but a lot of women for example are especially at a certain age struggling with uh I think the word is
38:57
vaginal dryness the expression um they have their different things and they're also insecure about it and by
39:04
being opened by being vulnerable in these moments you can create actually a stronger bond with a woman and I know
39:09
that goes against this whole Alpha mentality that you see on YouTube of never show your emotions she will leave
39:14
you as soon as you do it but if you are with a woman who's not a complete narcissistic uh Maniac then this is the
39:21
right thing to do yeah being Roll and Roll and you know it's it's super important because that I
39:27
think a lot of times in our society now um we're removing the intimacy
39:33
you know there's sexual intimacy right like that's the that's the actual term and I think we're we're making those
39:40
things um mutually exclusive in so many ways and so like the the
39:45
intimacy component of it it actually should be just as or more important to
39:52
the experience than just the sexual release let's put it in you know that's
39:57
actually something that's very true and that also my my 22 or 23 year old self
40:03
didn't didn't think about but it is very very true it's um
40:09
and also when it comes to intimacy to to creating that not only sexual bond with a woman but also the emotional bond you
40:16
need to be a human being for that especially to my fellow Germans you need to be human beings no robots but yes you
40:22
need to be human beings because um a lot of guys especially nowadays I mean there's so much brainwashing going on with if you share your emotions she
40:29
will leave you and I believe a lot of guys get it completely wrong when it comes to vulnerability they believe that being
40:35
vulnerable as a man means being a victim if you of course go to a woman you say oh my God everybody's so mean to me why
40:43
is this happening to me I'm poor me that's of course not attractive but if you're opening up that's I mean I had
40:50
women literally telling me that the moment they fell in love with me when was when I talked about my heart search
40:56
personality in my eye and that was honest and authentic In This Moment yeah that's the big difference it's about
41:02
opening up it's about it's about sharing these struggles with also your partner
41:08
especially when you're in a long-term relationship I mean I had guys who came to me say if it's performance anxiety if it's
41:15
erectile dysfunction if it's um no matter if it's premature ejaculation and they knew what kind of
41:22
emotional blocks they had like if it's something from childhood if it's something from their self-worth
41:28
from insecurities body um dysmorphia body insecurities all these kind of things and when I then ask
41:35
them have you ever talked about this in the same way as you now talk about it with me with your girlfriend or wife
41:41
in so many cases the answer is no I would never do that yeah
41:48
you really need to be it's that being open it's you know being open and honest doesn't mean being weak that's the you
41:55
know so many times I think that that's that's associated with those two things it's funny that you this is a funny
42:01
story I was actually I actually flew to an event last week and um it's funny that you talk about the 20 centimeter
42:07
penis which is like 10 inches 10 or 11 you know well it's yeah something in that but
42:12
you know I I was thinking so I sat down to go to the bathroom in the airplane right and those toilets are tiny and I
42:20
was thinking to myself what do these guys do that are just you know not above
42:27
average like I consider myself average and um and I'm like what a pain in the ass
42:32
to go through life with this huge thing sitting it's such a
42:37
it was such a weird thought but I was like I don't because you like they kind
42:43
of make this like this is a goal right like this is this is the thing and you know if you talk and I'm sure you've
42:50
you've had these conversations but if you talk to like in my case with if I'd say something insecurity wise to my wife
42:57
about it which again I consider myself average not that we need to get into anything but she will say look it's
43:03
perfect you know and in some cases it could be like the the vaginal opening in the vaginal
43:10
Canal can only really handle so much before you kind of and we can talk about
43:15
Anatomy but you bump up against the cervix and actually cause cause pain right like so yeah and I think this is
43:22
also it's interesting that you say that because it also goes hand in hand with again how men are conditioned with
43:28
pornography because they're often these kind of videos like yeah she's getting destroyed by this huge [ __ ] and
43:34
without actually asking yourself is that actually pleasurable for a woman to get destroyed by a huge hook
43:42
I mean if you have well nothing wrong with it don't get me wrong we're not shaving guys with huge [ __ ] right now but
43:48
um to just to just think about to think about the conditioning that you're facing all the time and one thing
43:55
that's also interesting for guys to know when I've talked with porn performers about this there are really porn performers a lot of them I mean most of
44:02
them I would say almost all of them take Viagra before a shooting and some of them even inject like really
44:08
dangerous harmful stuff yeah they're injecting during the day they're taking multiple yeah yeah
44:15
it's not it's not like it's not like that those guys go like oh yeah oh 20 people around me in the camera oh I'm
44:22
ready off not yeah the injection stuff that scares the crap out of me because it actually
44:28
destroys the the the penile tissue over
44:33
time to where the fact that they they are disfigured they can never have sex
44:38
again after their career is over or you know their careers are short anyway from what I understand but yeah it's it's
44:44
pretty I can't believe they do it hey guys thanks for listening to this episode I hope you're enjoying it and
44:49
learning a lot if you're looking for extra help don't forget that I do offer one-on-one coaching we can talk through
44:55
a ton of different issues I can give you guides guidelines and logistical help to
45:01
help you take that next step or go to that next level in some of the things that you're dealing with in your life we
45:06
also have some course content some guides and a lot of educational materials over at maxedoutman.com for
45:14
the coaching go ahead and go to maxoutman.com coaching and you can learn about that and then just go to maxed
45:19
outman.com for everything else thanks for joining us now back to the episode it's yeah it's crazy but it's also it it
45:26
shows Guys these these false ideas I mean it's just like I don't know if that's controversial when I say it but
45:32
it's just like guys when they go to the gym and then Dwayne The Rock Johnson says Yoo-hoo this is a protein shake you
45:38
have to take it's like the same thing where you go oh yeah that guy's natural yeah it basically makes people believe
45:45
these completely unrealistic standards and especially when it comes to sexuality there's so many
45:50
so many guys who believe they just have to penetrate a woman physically but you have to penetrate her emotionally I mean
45:57
how many how many couples have I helped by simply saying while you're having sex
46:03
try to breathe simultaneously hold deep eye contact like press your bodies
46:09
against each other really really hold each other make love to each other like
46:14
thrust deeply not like a jackhammer in a porn movie but deeply and and really
46:19
feel it with your whole being without thinking about your emails or your Instagram story while you're doing it
46:25
but really being present in the moment that's why I also believe like um I know we jump from topic to topic so
46:32
I hope that's okay then we do it that's perfect that's perfect um I also believe that especially when
46:37
it comes to Performance anxiety but also I've seen it help with premature ejaculation with
46:43
um with all kinds of different things also erectile dysfunction to calm yourself down meditation is such a huge
46:50
beneficial thing to engage in um especially because I made the experience that a lot of guys who suffer
46:56
from performance anxiety they often have very stressful lives either when the family something going on with their
47:02
career so their cortisol levels go up and then down there nothing is working anymore
47:07
it's very similar to type a women who can't get pregnant as soon as they relax boom they get pregnant
47:13
yeah they're trying so hard to get pregnant they're trying so you know and even performance anxiety I assume right there in the moment the harder you try
47:19
the less hard it gets yeah yeah no pun intended then then of
47:27
course um like every every time you have to experience again it gets stronger and stronger that's why I for example work
47:34
so much with hypnosis um especially when it comes to premature premature ejaculation Jesus Christ
47:39
beings today and also performance anxiety erectile dysfunction I've helped a lot of guys with hypnosis to Simply
47:46
program their subconscious mind for being relaxed and calm in the moment that's the most important thing
47:53
yeah and one of the things that you know just just kind of being in the moment one of the things that that we do in
48:00
particular not to share too much about my own personal sexual the you know life but it's to actually during you you just
48:09
stop and just kind of enjoy that Embrace enjoy that you know what's happening
48:15
like I'll you know caress the back and you know all of those things just to kind of rather than just
48:22
you know going at it like your rabbits or whatever you know actually enjoying and being in in the present moment of
48:29
what's happening and just really appreciating the gift that I've been
48:35
given in my bride you know because she's strikingly beautiful and you know we've
48:41
been married for 28 years we've been together for 30 years so like that seems like oh you know the old joke is
48:48
oh you know get married and never have sex again you know if you never want to have sex again just get married and
48:53
honestly like I can't I see these people on Instagram or Tick Tock or whatever where they they're asking these young
48:59
girls about their body count and they're they're like 10 15 20 25 I'm
49:06
like that chick is going to have some major emotional stuff to deal with in
49:11
the next 15 years but for us to be in this very long-term monogamous
49:16
relationship it's allowed us to grow together in a way that would not be possible otherwise and it's just it's
49:23
it's awesome I love it it gets better all the time which is counter-intuitive right or Counter
49:29
Culture to what they would tell us that's beautiful I mean but I mean yeah of course let's say as as a sex a sex
49:36
coach I'm probably a little bit biased because the guys who contact me are the ones where it doesn't work out in the bedroom and often from The Irate guys
49:42
who are happy they just don't say anything so that's also that's also of course true but I believe it's not
49:48
something that a lot of married guys experience or would you say that a lot of married guys have this after 30 years
49:54
that's something no I would say and we can talk about this in particular but I think most married men
50:01
um don't put in the work quite frankly because they don't educate themselves
50:07
about their their wife's body they don't educate themselves about their own bodies they don't understand this
50:13
intimacy that we're talking about and so and then you know because and they I
50:19
always joke because like my wife will be kind of you know more romantic like it let's say 10 a.m right and she'd be like
50:25
well tonight you know we're I'm like okay so I'm gonna do my best not to say anything for the rest of the day so that
50:32
I don't screw this up for later because the chances of me saying something stupid in the next you know so it's that
50:39
emotional component like having that connection with each other to be able to continue to Foster that and make this a
50:45
you know a major part of your life I think most I don't think most men get it I think most married men kind of fall
50:51
into that trap that it just we we're in a we you know we have sex twice a year and that's you know once on my birthday
50:58
once on Valentine's Day and we're we're good to go just like with this TV show what was it called Married with Children
51:03
where every year she comes down it's time and it's like oh no
51:12
that's funny for sure what do you go ahead no no please continue I was gonna
51:17
say what do you think the top things that most men just don't know about
51:24
uh women in particular but just in section with within sexuality and I mean we talk mechanics if you want to because
51:31
there's not I mean McKenna yeah there's this there's this answer which is really interesting that
51:37
especially a lot of guys they they throw around the word G-spot all the time but most men don't know where it's located
51:43
and how to stimulate it and what happens when you do it like it's very rare that the guy actually knows that so when I
51:48
for example teach guys about that and they didn't practice it and do it with their girlfriends or wives and she's squirting all over their place then they
51:55
go like oh my God I had no idea for 20 years what because G-spot is something where people go like oh yeah nobody
52:01
knows where it's located but it's somewhere that's an interesting point like with clitoris I think a lot of guys they figure it out quite fast but when
52:07
it comes to the G-Spot that's like this kind of oh my God where is it even though it's very easy to locate that's
52:13
from a technical aspect um from a more emotional aspect I would
52:19
actually say it's a realization which is an interesting realization that not every woman and not always is
52:27
into rough sex right this is something that for a lot of guys and even for me in my 20s when I
52:33
was like in a spiral of pornography for me this was like what really because
52:39
that's all you see it's like always about the about the fast fast and she's going like Ah that's
52:45
basically what you see what I see in the freaking poor movie and to realize that they're I mean don't get me wrong if you
52:52
want to have like a really passionate quickie and rip each other's clothes off and go crazy at it then perfect but not
52:58
always and then there are these kind of mismatches where let's say she's for example in that mood of like oh it's a
53:05
cozy evening we just watched a romantic movie with Matthew McConaughey and now I'm ready for some romantic love making
53:11
and he goes like okay Jackhammer method yeah and then of course there's a complete disconnect of how they want to
53:17
experience sexuality and what what brings your partner pleasure and this let's say a particular situation
53:23
yeah and I've actually found that if I I actually get more enjoyment out of her experience than even out of my
53:30
experience like be nothing I am goal oriented but in this case like I'm not that's not the ultimate goal but like my
53:36
goal is that I want each of us to enjoy it you know at a at a very high level
53:42
and I you know if if she's not into it if she's not in the mood or if she's having
53:47
a rough day or any of those kind of things I'm like let's just you know like you said let's just cuddle and kiss and
53:52
those kind and just spend time together because the experience is so degraded not you know not in a terrible way but
53:59
in in a way that where it's you know just more mechanical let's just go through the motions kind of thing like just don't do it in that case
54:05
you mentioned also something interesting um that I think is also let's say a problem especially for guys
54:11
in relationships and have to be careful what I say here because there are of course relationships where let's say there's a dead bedroom there's no sexual
54:18
attraction anymore whatsoever that's of course one extreme but then there's also the Other Extreme with what you just
54:23
said where let's say for example something happened in her life family member passed away or just a very
54:30
stressful day at work and she's not in the mood and the guy then again has this reality
54:35
of let's say the porn movies and also a lot of these Alpha guys on YouTube would then say Oh if one time she doesn't want
54:42
to have sex with you you attune she lost all the attraction for you and then they go in this other extreme of basically
54:48
pushing or that's I mean everything should be consensual of course but let's say being very
54:54
aggressive sexually aggressive when she doesn't want it and then immediately overthinking it and go like oh my God
54:59
has she lost attraction which of course is again Complete overreaction because
55:04
there's a big difference between she one day not in the mood or she for five years not in the mood there's a big
55:10
difference between that yeah and trying to get to the root of the relationship because if it's you know especially with women it's not it's
55:18
not a it is a physical thing but that's not the primary right like the you know many women are not you know driven
55:25
visually like men are it's there's a huge emotional intimate component to that that that may that's
55:32
the problem like something's going on in your marriage or your relationship that is actually driving
55:37
the sexual dysfunction quote unquote in in the relationship
55:43
that's that's also true and it's also for women I think important yeah not so much the the visual but also the
55:50
women are very much stimulated with scenarios with novelty and I don't I don't mean novelty in the sense of let's
55:56
say oh I'm gonna get another guy but novelty that you can create that's why I'm such a big fan of role plays also
56:03
using hypnotic languages in a hypnotic language hypnotic language patterns as a hypnotist when it comes to sexuality I
56:10
think it's very very important um for example I'm in the moment creating a new coaching program a new
56:15
eight-week coaching program where one week will be specifically about hypnotic language patterns
56:21
um influenced actually by one of my clients who might even at some point listen to this episode you know who you
56:26
are um with whom I let's say in a coaching session gave him all kinds of different
56:32
hypnotic language patterns and he used it on the girl he was dating and she just went absolutely crazy so that's
56:40
something that guys can also experiment with but yeah of course also going to the root of the problems if there's a
56:46
problem in the relationship but sometimes there is no problem sometimes it's really just like hey I had a really hard day I'm tired and oh my God I just
56:52
want to sleep or you say something stupid like I do you know
56:58
let's go make a comment that I shouldn't have made or you know just not been my my best self but one thing that I found
57:04
that was interesting first of all I think most men don't really understand that a large
57:11
percentage of women do not have orgasm during normal sexual penetration right
57:17
so like that's and so like if you are kind of leaning on you yeah right if
57:24
you're we could describe that if you want if if you're leaning into your sexual prowess based on the fact that it
57:32
chances are that's what you believe is happening is probably not actually happening
57:38
um and so that's why you need to learn these techniques like you're talking about where it's you know the the G-Spot
57:44
and understanding the clitoral hood in in its entirety which actually goes up
57:50
and down both sides you can look it up on the internet um how that don't don't go to point be
57:55
careful what you search for but like you may have to find a medical to show you what that actually looks like because
58:01
it's not just you know that's actually good advice but you're just sharing there because to really from medical
58:07
perspective to just educate yourself about female anatomy to demystify the mystical basically there's a lot of guys
58:13
they make a big deal out of it the same with the G-Spot like oh my God where could it be them like Google is your
58:18
friend There It Is Well I took a human sexuality class my degree is an exercise physiology but sexual uh you know human
58:26
sexuality was one of those classes and to be able to you know on one of the exams is literally labeling all of the
58:33
female anatomy and the male male anatomy too and it's it's kind of funny because my wife will say I think you know my
58:40
body better than I know my body because she will say you know good compliment to give you yeah you know certain times
58:46
she'll be like oh I I think to myself I wish he would you know if he did this it would feel you know feel great and then
58:53
almost telepathically I can do I will do those things we never
58:58
have this you know we're never actually having that discussion in the moment but I think men if they educate themselves
59:04
on what and it's individual right like not all women you you said the word squirting not all women can do that
59:10
necessarily not all women have the same um G-spot stimulation and it doesn't you
59:17
know necessarily do for them what it does for other women um some some women are can only orgasm
59:23
from clitoral stimulation honestly you know and so it's important to know your
59:28
individual partner well enough and that's why I just house to me that empty
59:34
just sexual physical experience it's like you're missing out on so much like
59:40
the fact that I've been married to my wife for 30 years for 28 years you know she knows me better than
59:46
anybody else and I know her better than anybody else and I have to worry about experimenting with other people I can concentrate all of my learning and
59:53
energy and all that on her I mean in this case I truly believe that like when it works for you then it's
59:59
perfect I believe like I believe every relationship form if it's consensual and
1:00:05
if it makes both people happy is is perfectly fine um I for example for a long time let's
1:00:12
say had a lot of short-term experiences now I'm more into like in a long-term thing and
1:00:18
it also depends on your life stages I would I would say however one big benefit that it has definitely when
1:00:24
you're together for a long time is like you said you know how your partner responds
1:00:29
she knows what you respond to and you can also grow and learn together that's
1:00:34
why I always tell guys it's not a good it's not something to be proud of when you only have one night stands because
1:00:41
most of the time when you only have one night stance what it means is that the woman didn't want to see you again because the first night sucked otherwise
1:00:47
she would text you again it's a simple realization it's actually that's actually funny that's important
1:00:53
but it doesn't mean that like that you can't have those kind of short-term flings or friends with benefits if
1:00:58
that's your thing then go for it if it's again if it's consensual but remember that you can't get good and bad when you
1:01:04
only do it once with a woman because I mean let's face it the typical one-night stand is like you're both nervous you're
1:01:10
fumbling hopefully for the condom then you re and of course for men of course
1:01:16
um you can't expect to last as long with a girl you sleep for the first time then if you sleep with a woman for the tenth
1:01:22
time or the 100th time that's just a fact that's our biological programming there's a lot of studies about that that
1:01:27
when you sleep with a woman for the first time you often come with way faster than if it's a second time third
1:01:33
time or fourth time so by doing just the one night stand you can't really yeah
1:01:38
you can't really gross actually it's almost impossible it's as if you go to University class once and you say okay
1:01:43
I'm gonna go graduate now that's not how it works great yeah for sure
1:01:49
well I mean I think this has been super interesting is there you know I don't know if you want to share anything else
1:01:54
that might help the people listening the guys listening or women like how do you get how do you as a you know you've
1:02:01
spoken to women clients you know I would be interested to know how you would advise a woman to approach her guy to
1:02:08
seek you know to kind of have this conversation oh that's a very interesting question I love that question
1:02:14
um for women the number one thing they have to realize is how men are programmed
1:02:20
and men are programmed and conditioned for a long period of time for centuries
1:02:26
man up Boys Don't Cry don't show emotions be stoic so what you as a woman have to do and this will actually fix
1:02:33
your relationship in so many aspects not just your sex life but as a woman what you have to do is overdue what I invite
1:02:39
you to do is to communicate to your guy that being vulnerable opening up is not
1:02:45
only okay but that you respect him more if he does it that's the key word because men are extremely afraid not not
1:02:54
necessarily for you to love him less when he opens up but to respect him this and that was for me actually
1:02:59
mind-blowing I still remember that from a woman I was dating and she meant it like I always want to say only say it if
1:03:05
you really mean it because you don't want to then let's say make him open up and then afterwards go like oh my God that's weird you don't want to do that
1:03:11
but a woman I was dating said to me like I still remember that she said like Sebastian you know what I respect men
1:03:18
who are open and vulnerable way more than men who suppressed their emotions because that shows true confidence and
1:03:24
she meant it in that moment for me that was like boom mind blown I was like wow
1:03:29
and if you do that for your guy you will be amazed at how much you get a guy to
1:03:35
open up this is the number one thing that women can do when they also complain oh I'm in a relationship with a
1:03:40
guy who's so emotionally unavailable yeah he's emotionally unavailable because he's afraid to lose you when
1:03:46
he's emotionally available yeah I like that that's awesome Sebastian I appreciate
1:03:52
your time this has been super interesting how do we um you know you obviously do sex
1:03:57
coaching and I'm pretty much confident that almost every man needs that so
1:04:03
um on some level so if how do we find you how do we reach out to you and and uh obviously look forward to the new
1:04:09
coaching program that you've got going on too you can listen to my podcast which is
1:04:14
the sex occasion for man podcast you can find it on iTunes Spotify and all the different podcasting platforms and you
1:04:20
can also specifically go to sexy occasion forman.com slash coaching that's execution for men.com coaching
1:04:28
and there you can have a look at all my different coaching sessions and very soon there will also be my new eight-week coaching program
1:04:34
awesome I can't wait I'm gonna check that out myself and actually I will I'll put links to your podcast underneath in
1:04:41
the show Notes too so I appreciate you giving those out now I have to go have some more lessons uh as well so all
1:04:48
right Sebastian thank you so much enjoy the rest of your day thank you so much it was a pleasure
1:04:54
if you're looking to really maximize your life and become the man you were made to be head over to maxedoutman.com
1:05:01
and get your journey started today
